To ask when you first had visitors following childbirth

[Blythwind]

My DH is planning on allowing/encouraging friends and family to visit as soon as we are back (or even whilst I am still in) hospital following the birth of our first child. He has a very large family so it's not just his parents.

I'd rather wait a week or so, whilst I recover a bit from c-sec, and whilst we adjust to our new life, before everyone starts trooping in. I'd like to set the expectation, by telling people we will let them know when we are ready for visitors (so they don't just turn up).

He says I'm being unreasonable/rude/cruel. Am I??

About a hour or two after birth I had my parents, and grandparents visit. Rough seven hours later extended family and partners parents visited (once id been moved to the ward)

When we got home I had my mother and grandmother visit that night to help us bath and settle. After that we requested 2-3 days of peace, but did end up calling on people to drop things off etc etc...but that was on our request, and for reasons other than seeing baby.

After that we had pre arranged visits for a week or so before things relaxed.

I needed that time to recover and come to terms with the birth. My partner needed the time to bond with baby and look after me. We needed to relax into things without other pressures.

We set the groundwork for our no visitors rule while I was pregnant so there was no surprises when we 'disappeared' for a few days.

I'd definitely recommend it. The crazy onset of visitors and post baby madness can be paused, your recovery, baby bonding and family building / time can not be paused.

I’m in minority I think. With First baby we told everyone to stay away until 2 weeks after birth. It wasn’t popular but they had to lump it. And thank god as it was really traumatic with illness, transfusions snd further surgery a week later. I couldn’t have coped with people staying (all family in another country). So it was right for me. Second baby they arrived after 24 hours.

Wow! I’m amazed by how many people had visitors so soon. My parents came 48 hours after to bring us home from hospital. PIL (and DH 4 siblings) few days after, we held them off as long as possible. And other family popped in on different days those first few weeks. We were very clear on times people could come and that they needed to leave when we said! My MIL is still cross 2 years on that she wasn’t invited to the hospital but I stand by us choosing what worked, and it being ok with me choosing my Mum. I’m bracing myself for it all again with number two due soon!

I don’t think you will necessarily know how you feel until you get there. You may be feeling great in hospital and want to take advantage of people being able to visit you there, rather than expecting a longer visit when you get home. But you might feel awful and just need rest.

I don’t regret having visitors so soon, but it was hard work, and you don’t owe anyone a visit until you feel up to it. I also don’t hold with the idea that you have to be ‘fair’ so if one gp visits they all have to be allowed to.

Yes, everyone wants to meet the baby, but they should want you to recover from birth, too.

As far as I can tell, it depends on the people. I went to meet most of my nieces and nephews as soon as I could after it was announced. It was allowed and expected.

Yanbu
My DH tried to insist FIL should be in the hospital waiting room whilst I delivered the baby so FIL could bond with the baby as soon it was born, cos according to DH that's what normally happens. I told him he'd been watching too many TV dramas !! FIL then visited few days after my csect. I was in my dressing gown, not got dressed, had hardly any sleep and he asked me to make him a sandwich!! A few people visited in the hospital (DM and DH invited them) - I really didn't want them there as I'd had hardly any sleep and couldn't establish breast feeding and was too tired to converse. 2nd time round told DH no visitors until I'm home and until I'm ready. Much better !!

Before I had my baby my DH had said he'd want everyone to come visit straight away in hospital whereas like you I didn't want that. As soon as my baby was born he changed his tune & listened to my wishes. After going through child birth (also a c sec) I think you're well within your rights to decide who comes to visit & when. Enjoy that new born bubble & do what feels right for you.

We let my mil come round as soon as we got home from hospital (we had been in a week) looking back I wish we'd made her wait a little longer.

I hope all goes well

My family is big 100s of us. DH's family is large too. When someone has a baby there's usually a gathering of whoever lives close by on the day the baby comes home.
But this is purely at the mother's discretion and an open invite will go out by text for food and drinks. Sometimes it will be delayed to the weekend if the baby comes home mid week. But sometimes they'll be a mid week thing.
The day I brought dc1 home we had 20+ people round, some of the local lot. We were in a 1 bed flat and it felt like there were so many people. They raised a toast and had a little party. I was bfing so disappeared into the bedroom for a while with my cousin and bestfriend and we just chilled.
Dc2 was premature and we were advised not to have lots of visitors or take him out til his due date so no party was had
My parents, in-laws, couple of cousins, 2 out of 6 siblings, 1 niece out of 25 met him in the first couple of weeks 1 or 2 at a time popping round. Once he reached his due date I then had a steady flow of a couple of visitors a week.

As soon as the nurse had finished stitching me up in delivery suite.