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Original poster

My cousins wife refusing to allow my partner to wedding

233 replies

LondonElle · 28/03/2018 14:35

A very close cousin of mine is getting married in a month.
Due to living in different parts of the country we haven’t physically seen each other for a year but regularly keep in contact via social media and phone calls.
His mum and my mum are close sisters and we have grown up together.
My current relationship started around three years ago we are engaged .. my cousin has met my partner several times and they get on very well.
However we recently got a invite to his wedding ( he’s met her 18 months ago) and only my name was on it... thinking this was a mistake I tried to get hold of him to clarify but he didn’t get back to me.
Eventually he called my mum to state that his fiancé has refused to allow my partner to attend the wedding as she’s not met him... apparently he’s very unhappy with this decision but she won’t bend and says the only way she will invite him is if we meet up... but due to work and family commitments on both sides we can’t manage to meet up before the wedding.... I suggested maybe we could meet up the evening before the wedding briefly but she can’t make it.. I can understand this as she will be very busy but the wedding is over 300 miles away and we won’t get another chance.
Do I just accept it and go alone despite the fact that all my siblings partners will be there or see if I can try and persuade her to allow him to come?

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 28/03/2018 14:37

Fgs this is absolutely ridiculous.

I’d move heaven and earth to meet her prior just so that she can’t have her way!

HuskyMcClusky · 28/03/2018 14:39

I’d just decline the wedding invitation.

What a load of control-freaky shit.

ScattyCharly · 28/03/2018 14:42

You’ll just have to go alone or not go at all. Since you are close to your cousin, I’d make the effort to go.

Els1e · 28/03/2018 14:45

I wouldn’t go. I think this is really rude of your cousin’s wife to be.

Talcott2007 · 28/03/2018 14:47

She is being pretry ridiculous given the circumstances - Could you all 'meet up' over a skype video call or something similar?

Branleuse · 28/03/2018 14:47

id go without him and just go with your family. Why would he want to go to a strangers wedding if he didnt have to? Dont cause a scene. Not everyone has unlimited budget or number that they can cater for strangers.

ittakes2 · 28/03/2018 14:47

sorry but I wouldn't go - your cousin needs to put his foot down - sounds like he is marrying a nutter.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/03/2018 14:49

Just go clarify.. budget and numbers aren’t a problem.

OP posts:
sparklepops123 · 28/03/2018 14:52

Bridezilla comes to mind !

KarmaStar · 28/03/2018 14:52

Very difficult.I can appreciate that you don't want to miss your db wedding,but also your dp must be upset.
What has he said about it?do you think explaining to the bride to be directly will help if she and your dp skype?
She is being an absolute bitch imo.(Yes I know,her wedding,her way,but still.)
Don't understand why your db is standing for this tbh,it is THEIR wedding.

PurpleWithRed · 28/03/2018 14:52

She is being a bit silly but it’s her wedding. You have two options - suck it up and go without your partner for the sake of your cousin, or decline on the basis that you won’t go without dp but deprive your cousin of you being there. Personally I think you should suck it up for your cousin’s sake and go without dp.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 28/03/2018 14:53

FFS!

Does this mean that she refused to invite Great Aunt Agnes (related by marriage) who lives over 100miles away in a home but whose son will travel especially to bring her just because she hasn’t met her before? Is it also a child free wedding just in case she hasn’t met the baby cousin who will be born 3months before the wedding?

Either she’s thinking of cost and being a bridezilla or this is a big warning sign for things to come

SendintheArdwolves · 28/03/2018 14:54

DISCLAIMER: anyone can decide to invite or not invite anyone to their wedding for whatever reason they choose.

That said...

I can see how this "no one I haven't met at my wedding" rule might come about - some friends of mine had it, and it seemed really cosy and nice and reasonable at the time. However, what it meant was that they were then in the position of having to stage an official 'meeting' with a really old friend's other half (he lived far away so although he had ben going out with his girlfriend for nearly a year, they had never all met up).

So the invitees had all the expense of coming to the B&G's home town a few weeks before the wedding and 'meeting up' so that they could be allowed to come. It was ridiculous - there was no implication that the new girlfriend might be dis-invited if she failed to please the B&G, so it seemed really weird to have to parade her about for their inspection.

Loonoon · 28/03/2018 14:54

Go on your own and have fun with your family. It's her wedding so her desire to know all her guests (whilst odd) is her choice. If she's controlling or a Bridezilla that is your cousins problem to deal with.

You and your DF will have a lifetime of family weddings together, don't make missing this one into an issue.

Mosaic123 · 28/03/2018 14:54

I'm an old cynic.

It seems as if perhaps there is something else going on. Could there be a racist reason?

Pickleypickles · 28/03/2018 14:54

If budget and numbers arent a problem I would tell them that you will either both be attending or neither of you will be attending.
She sounds like a joke.

Viviennemary · 28/03/2018 14:55

I wouldn't go to the wedding. What a ridiculous person she sounds. Send a card and that's it. I just couldn't be bothered with this sort of nonsense.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/03/2018 14:57

No no political or racial reason, it’s a completely child free wedding.

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 28/03/2018 14:57

Go on your own and when it comes to your wedding just invite your cousin. After all your partner won't have met your cousin's wife will he?

Passportto · 28/03/2018 14:58

Isn't the whole point of weddings that family who rarely meet up get to see each other and the couple get to meet far flung family from the other side? It used to be about he wider family but now it's all about the bride (not even the bride and groom). I can't help thinking it's a very strange way to start a marriage.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 28/03/2018 14:58

You should tell your cousin that you can't make this wedding but you hope to attend his next one with your DP Smile

Idontdowindows · 28/03/2018 14:58

I wouldn't be going and I'd let the family know why. They can do with that what they will.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 28/03/2018 15:00

God I hope your cousin sees sense and cancels the whole thing. This is a sign of things to come.

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 15:00

I would be more upset for your cousin tbh, this is a massive, massive bad sign of things to come for the future. Poor him :( Also I'd decline the invite

HuskyMcClusky · 28/03/2018 15:00

I call bullshit on this ‘her wedding, her rules’ business.

Being a bride doesn’t mean all social etiquette goes out the window. Not inviting your fiancé and partner of three years is really bloody rude and disrespectful of your relationship.