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Original poster

My cousins wife refusing to allow my partner to wedding

233 replies

LondonElle · 28/03/2018 14:35

A very close cousin of mine is getting married in a month.
Due to living in different parts of the country we haven’t physically seen each other for a year but regularly keep in contact via social media and phone calls.
His mum and my mum are close sisters and we have grown up together.
My current relationship started around three years ago we are engaged .. my cousin has met my partner several times and they get on very well.
However we recently got a invite to his wedding ( he’s met her 18 months ago) and only my name was on it... thinking this was a mistake I tried to get hold of him to clarify but he didn’t get back to me.
Eventually he called my mum to state that his fiancé has refused to allow my partner to attend the wedding as she’s not met him... apparently he’s very unhappy with this decision but she won’t bend and says the only way she will invite him is if we meet up... but due to work and family commitments on both sides we can’t manage to meet up before the wedding.... I suggested maybe we could meet up the evening before the wedding briefly but she can’t make it.. I can understand this as she will be very busy but the wedding is over 300 miles away and we won’t get another chance.
Do I just accept it and go alone despite the fact that all my siblings partners will be there or see if I can try and persuade her to allow him to come?

OP posts:
bonnyshide · 28/03/2018 15:30

I would not attend without my fiancé, so I'd be declining.

It is very sad that she is not allowing her future DH to have the wedding he wants, and doesn't bode well for their marriage.

Merryoldgoat · 28/03/2018 15:30

I wouldn’t want anyone ‘working behind the scenes’ to get me an invite! Fuck that!

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 15:30

he has really tried to persuade her but for some reason her words law!

Not a great sign tbf, can you imagine saying no to your partner about something like this (that shouldn't be up to her anyway)

VladmirsPoutine · 28/03/2018 15:33

I wouldn't go on principle and make the reason very clear to other relatives that you won't acquiesce to this batshit rule.

I know weddings can bring out our inner monsters but all things being equal i.e. budget and numbers not being a problem, then it just seems that his future wife is just a prat.

SD1978 · 28/03/2018 15:33

Make the pre wedding meeting happen.......then decline the invite as your partner didn’t take to her and would rather not be in the same room and wasting money on a present........it’s hard. I probably just wouldn’t go/ she seems controlling and the husband to be a pushover.

diddl · 28/03/2018 15:33

"he says he is still working behind the scenes to sort it!"

Yeah-adding your fiance's name would have been soo difficult!

I'd make the same effort to attend-none!

HeyRoly · 28/03/2018 15:34

Oh, poor him. Quiet and unassuming and upset...

He needs to grow a spine, frankly.

His fiancée may be behaving appallingly here, but he's complicit if he can't tell her so. Doesn't bode well for their future, tbh.

Morningdash · 28/03/2018 15:35

Make the pre wedding meeting happen.......then decline the invite as your partner didn’t take to her and would rather not be in the same room and wasting money on a present........ please please do this!

BrownTurkey · 28/03/2018 15:37

Its a ‘politely decline’ situation.

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 15:38

*Oh, poor him. Quiet and unassuming and upset...

He needs to grow a spine, frankly.

His fiancée may be behaving appallingly here, but he's complicit if he can't tell her so. Doesn't bode well for their future, tbh.*

Yeah you're right actually, it's his wedding as well and he needs to stand up to her otherwise 10 years down the road people will still be letting him off with the "poor him, his wife is an asshole" excuse - now she probably is but he doesn't have to go along with it, makes him as bad actually

ReanimatedSGB · 28/03/2018 15:42

OK, either there is some reason why she doesn't want your DP there (perhaps he used to date her best friend - or indeed date her - or she knows something about him that she disapproves of) but it's not one she is willing to share because it will cause a big fuss, so she's pretending to be a silly Bridezilla instead...
Or she is a really nasty, controlling and abusive individual who is having fun seeing just how far your cousin will go to placate her.

Redglitter · 28/03/2018 15:43

Is it actually normal to personally know every guest at your wedding?? Surely there's bound to be extended family etc you wouldn't meet before hand

MimpiDreams · 28/03/2018 15:45

I decline now even if a joint invite is forthcoming. Who'd want to go knowing they/their partner had only been invited under sufferance? And make it clear why you're declining.

MissEliza · 28/03/2018 15:48

Red glitter exactly! If it's a big wedding it's almost impossible to know everyone. She sounds like a controlling person. It's not a good sign at all.

GnotherGnu · 28/03/2018 15:48

How does your cousin feel about the fact that his fiancée obviously doesn't trust his judgment about people to be invited to the wedding? I'd be seriously concerned in his shoes.

What does she think is to be gained by meeting your DP anyway? Is it some sort of test? What happens if he fails it?

Lucisky · 28/03/2018 15:48

I had this happen to me years ago, and for the exact same reason. I declined the invite. If my partner wasn't wanted at the do then there was no way I was going to attend. I felt as though both my partner and my relationship had been slighted.

OneFineDaye · 28/03/2018 15:50

So what does she want to meet him ahead of the day for? size him up? check his clothes? what would meet her expectation to get the 'nod' of approval Confused.

Like another poster said upthread, many brides nowadays seem to think being a wedding is their opportunity to be a complete bitch, an excuse to be an irrational idiot. Heaven knows why!

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 15:50

So has your cousin met all her friends and family and all their partners? Or does the rule only apply to his side?

Cacofonix · 28/03/2018 15:50

Go on your own and when it comes to your wedding just invite your cousin. After all your partner won't have met your cousin's wife will he?

This ^^

lostjanni · 28/03/2018 15:52

Go but don't invite her to your wedding. Simples.

FrangipaniBlue · 28/03/2018 15:53

Go on your own and when it comes to your wedding just invite your cousin. After all your partner won't have met your cousin's wife will he?

@TinklyLittleLaugh beat me to it!

(And I think I'd moving heaven and earth to keep DP away from cousins wife between now and my wedding just so that I could do this!!)

Ebeneser · 28/03/2018 16:00

Just a suggestion, could you not set up something like a Skype call and "meet" that way?

MumofBoysx2 · 28/03/2018 16:00

That's ridiculous, she won't know every single partner and spouse beforehand will she?? Wives and husbands of the Groom's work colleagues for instance? There were a few people I hadn't met at my wedding, didn't bother me! Sounds like she's hoping people her fiance wanted to invite won't come. Hope he knows what he's let himself in for. I wouldn't go!

WhyteKnyght · 28/03/2018 16:02
Shock

I wonder how the fiancée would feel if your cousin decided to ban her from inviting any of her friends and family he hadn't met before?

bonnyshide · 28/03/2018 16:06

As tempting as it would be to not invite her or them to your own wedding, that would be quite petty, and will no doubt disappoint the rest of your family, and show that you are no better than her. You may just have to be the bigger person (people) and invite them.