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Original poster

My cousins wife refusing to allow my partner to wedding

233 replies

LondonElle · 28/03/2018 14:35

A very close cousin of mine is getting married in a month.
Due to living in different parts of the country we haven’t physically seen each other for a year but regularly keep in contact via social media and phone calls.
His mum and my mum are close sisters and we have grown up together.
My current relationship started around three years ago we are engaged .. my cousin has met my partner several times and they get on very well.
However we recently got a invite to his wedding ( he’s met her 18 months ago) and only my name was on it... thinking this was a mistake I tried to get hold of him to clarify but he didn’t get back to me.
Eventually he called my mum to state that his fiancé has refused to allow my partner to attend the wedding as she’s not met him... apparently he’s very unhappy with this decision but she won’t bend and says the only way she will invite him is if we meet up... but due to work and family commitments on both sides we can’t manage to meet up before the wedding.... I suggested maybe we could meet up the evening before the wedding briefly but she can’t make it.. I can understand this as she will be very busy but the wedding is over 300 miles away and we won’t get another chance.
Do I just accept it and go alone despite the fact that all my siblings partners will be there or see if I can try and persuade her to allow him to come?

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 28/03/2018 15:00

I wouldnt bother going. It doesnt sound like its gonna last. Why does she get to make the final decision?

TellerTuesday4EVA · 28/03/2018 15:02

Absolutely bonkers, presumably she would meet him at the wedding Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 28/03/2018 15:02

She is being a bit silly but it’s her wedding

Well its the grooms wedding to. If he cant stand up to his fiancee then I wouldnt go. Its a ridiculous reason.

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 15:02

She is being a bit silly but it’s her wedding. You have two options - suck it up and go without your partner for the sake of your cousin, or decline on the basis that you won’t go without dp but deprive your cousin of you being there. Personally I think you should suck it up for your cousin’s sake and go without dp

It's not just her wedding though is it, it's also his wedding

Floralnomad · 28/03/2018 15:03

I’d just tell your cousin that unfortunately you will not be attending then , no way would I go alone as that would be really disrespectful to your partner .

user1469914265 · 28/03/2018 15:03

Ha,

My cousin did this to me. She put me and my brother on my mums invitation. Despite both of us being late 20's and the fact I'd gotten married about 6 months before (to which she'd been invited (with her own invitation)).

I just didn't attend, and as I didn't have my own invite I didn't RSVP either. Apparently my aunt accosted my mum at the wedding to ask why we weren't there and my mum told her bluntly she wasn't responsible for her ADULT children.

Fuck 'em.

gamerchick · 28/03/2018 15:04

I don’t see the problem tbh. Weddings are dull as fuck, green light to turn down the invite imo Grin

TheJoyOfSox · 28/03/2018 15:05

You say you are very close to your cousin, but sadly it seems your cousin is not close enough to you to invite your dp.

I’d say thanks but no thanks, I won’t be attending. His bride sounds very controlling and a bit nasty tbh. Why would you want to celebrate her special day?

diddl · 28/03/2018 15:05

So has had no say about who is invited?

She might be a bridezilla, he ight not care & is using her as an excuse...

Robin233 · 28/03/2018 15:06

Difficult one. I'd go. Make a week end of it with my partner.
But go the wedding alone and then dip out of the evening receptions and go out with partner.
This happened to me last month sort of. I was invited to the wedding but as a friend not a relative we couldn't bring partners. Bit off today but dearly wanted to support my friend. It was fantastic then went off with hubby later.
Just a thought but what does she think your partner may do to upset her wedding ?
Be the bigger person your cousin will love you more for it.

Good luck x

Clutterbugsmum · 28/03/2018 15:12

Unless she marriaging herself rather then you cousin. Then he needs to put his foot down and tell her your partner is coming.

Bumdishcloths · 28/03/2018 15:12

Bride is being pretty ridiculous. I could understand not wanting all his mates bringing their girlfriends she's not met or whatever, but it's a bit weird when it's family Hmm

TSSDNCOP · 28/03/2018 15:14

Call her bluff. Decline the invite. Make sure your Auntie knows exactly why.

RandomDreams · 28/03/2018 15:14

Don't go, she's a controlling cow.

MissEliza · 28/03/2018 15:17

Being a bride doesn't mean all social etiquette goes out the window. Unfortunately some women think being a bride means they can be a bitch queen bee and get away with it. When dh's friend got married, his new wife deliberately snubbed us all through the wedding even when we tried to congratulate her. Dh (then my fiancé) excused her by saying 'well she is the bride and it's her wedding). I was like Hmm.

QueenArseClangers · 28/03/2018 15:21

It’s your cousin who is being the biggest cunt here by presenting himself as a helpless bystander. It’s his wedding too ffs!

Merryoldgoat · 28/03/2018 15:22

Big decline here. It’s utterly vile to exclude partners of close friends and family. All this ‘her wedding’ bullshit. It’s his too and frankly if he can’t make decisions about the guest list he’s in for a tricky time.

I had several people I’d not met at my wedding as partners of friends and family - them being invited made people I care about happy and frankly that’s what a wedding is about in my opinion - everyone coming together to celebrate and have fun - not some hierarchical guest list where one should feel like an honour has been bestowed on them to be included.

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/03/2018 15:22

It’s not just my fiancé but a general rule... she has made it quite clear that it’s not personal..me and my cousin are close and he has really tried to persuade her but for some reason her words law!

OP posts:
CowesTwo · 28/03/2018 15:23

As others are saying, it's your cousin's wedding too, has he no say in who comes to HIS wedding? And what if you were married - would she refuse to invite your husband? Not having met a soon-to-be member of the family (your fiance) is a ridiculous reason, she's just exerting some kind of imaginary Bridezilla fantasy power. You have to decide for yourself, but personally I wouldn't go. It's too much of a slap in the face, and disrespectful to you and your fiance.

amicissimma · 28/03/2018 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 28/03/2018 15:25

"but for some reason her words law!"

Well I guess he doesn't really care if you're there or not then does he?

Original poster
LondonElle · 28/03/2018 15:27

He’s always been a quiet unassuming character, who’s seems truly gutted... he says he is still working behind the scenes to sort it!

OP posts:
HollyBayTree · 28/03/2018 15:27

She is being a bit silly but it’s her wedding.

I rather thought it was both bride and grooms wedding?

Redglitter · 28/03/2018 15:28

Your cousin is a mug for allowing her to call the shots. I'd decline it and let him and his parents know why.

kedy · 28/03/2018 15:29

how ridiculous ...i wouldn't go and also ask my cousin what he thinks about this crazy behaviour.