My cousins wife refusing to allow my partner to wedding

[LondonElle]

A very close cousin of mine is getting married in a month.
Due to living in different parts of the country we haven’t physically seen each other for a year but regularly keep in contact via social media and phone calls.
His mum and my mum are close sisters and we have grown up together.
My current relationship started around three years ago we are engaged .. my cousin has met my partner several times and they get on very well.
However we recently got a invite to his wedding ( he’s met her 18 months ago) and only my name was on it... thinking this was a mistake I tried to get hold of him to clarify but he didn’t get back to me.
Eventually he called my mum to state that his fiancé has refused to allow my partner to attend the wedding as she’s not met him... apparently he’s very unhappy with this decision but she won’t bend and says the only way she will invite him is if we meet up... but due to work and family commitments on both sides we can’t manage to meet up before the wedding.... I suggested maybe we could meet up the evening before the wedding briefly but she can’t make it.. I can understand this as she will be very busy but the wedding is over 300 miles away and we won’t get another chance.
Do I just accept it and go alone despite the fact that all my siblings partners will be there or see if I can try and persuade her to allow him to come?

I wonder if he's met every single one of her invitees already.

I thought it is absolutely normal to meet some of your new extended family for the first time at your wedding - part of the fun is Great Aunt Nora flying over from Australia for the big family occasion etc.

I just wouldnt go if it was me, its very ignorant i think to exlude your partner especially when you have been together so long, wouldnt send a present either, cheeky bitch

I wouldn't go at all. Even if the "work behind the scene" would change bride's mind

Yes, has he met all the people she's inviting?

Really bad mannered of the bride. Decline to go.

Call his bluff. Don’t go. It’s rude and (a little) disrespectful to you and your partner!

Wish them well and say you won’t be attending.

I feel sorry for her ‘d’ husband to be if she’s this controlling and won’t budge

I wouldn’t go.

I hadn’t met the majority of dh’s Cousins let alone their partners or kids before they all came to the wedding. Never seen them since either! But I wouldn’t have not invited them.

How ridiculous. It's his wedding too and he can invite who he likes. Is this really the sort of person he wants to marry? There were loads of people at our wedding that I didn't know - relatives of DH whom i'd never met as they lived at the other end of the country. Ditto loads of my relatives that DH had never seen before and some of them I hadn't seen for years (auntie and uncle who lived abroad).

I'd tell your cousin your not going without your partner, so he either sorts it or doesn't have you there.

So I assume if you did meet up she could still not invite your DP if he doesn't meet her approval?
Stuff that for a load of bollocks.

How incredibly controlling. I can't help but think that the marriage won't last very long. I probably wouldn't go. My guess is that this won't be his last wedding.

I wouldn’t go if I was you, your partners you need to choose his feelings over everything else.

This sounds like the first chapter to all the threads in here about toxic narcissistic mothers/mother- in-laws, who always seem to describe their father/ FIL AS ‘doing anything for a quiet life’.

I would go myself for my cousins sake. Then I’d make sure they didnt meet between now and my wedding and wouldn’t invite her and give the exact same reason, your partner didn’t want to invite someone he’d never met. See how she likes those bananas.

My current relationship started around three years ago we are engaged .. my cousin has met my partner several times and they get on very well

Go on your own and then when you get married invite only your cousin.

I see that's already been discussed.

I've had this happen (been with DH 32 years) but numbers were a factor. I didn't go, wasn't that close to cousin.

I don't think I would go under those ultimatum conditions.

But if I did go I might take an a4 print out of my fiancés face stuck on a bamboo cane and hold it up by my side all day, I might even talk to it

"Oh look darling, those are the same wedding favours we looked at, you remember, we decided they looked a bit cheap."

"Sweetheart, listen, they're playing our song,let's get up and boogie"

"You're so right about prosecco, it's really not the same is it?"

Sorry OP but your cousin needs to grow a pair, I wouldn't go.

Just wanted to add i think the bride is being ridiculous.
You'll have to decide whether or not to go.

I would go myself for my cousins sake. Then I’d make sure they didnt meet between now and my wedding and wouldn’t invite her and give the exact same reason, your partner didn’t want to invite someone he’d never met. See how she likes those bananas.

But surely this would backfire, as OP's cousin being the spineless man he seems, would simply shrug and tell OP he can't come as it would upset his wife.

wouldn't bother me at all, and if it did I would just decline the invite, I wouldn't be up for badgering someone into inviting my partner, that would just be embarrassing.

I definitely wouldn't go! Really controlling of her and your cousin sounds spineless!!

I love the suggestion from some pp's advising you to go alone and just have a good time with your family. Wow, that will be fun - NOT - when, as you have already stated, all their partners have been invited and you are like a spare part.

If I hadn't allowed my partners family to come to our wedding because I hadn't met them, they would have only had about 4 people at our wedding from their side of the family. Bridezilla. I just wouldn't go.