To let my 12 year old dd and her friend to go out for lunch by themselves?

[listsandbudgets]

School finishes at noon tomorrow (DD's school always does on last day of term confused ) and dd is bringing her friend home with her on the bus. Both of them are sensible girls.

I thought as a treat, I'd give them some cash to go out and buy lunch together. I've said that they have to do it local to home after they've go off bus - there are loads of cafes around here to easy to find somewhere. However, I've just talked to her friends mum and she's put her foot down with a firm no.

Apparently they are fine to get the bus and walk to and from bus stop but not eat in a cafe.

Obviously I will abide by her wishes and go out with them myself but now I'm beginning to wonder if IABU to think it might have been a good idea. I just thought it would be a nice bit of independence for them.

YANBU but its up to the other mum whether she allows her child to do this or not.
I would certainly allow my daughter to and dont think it is unreasonable.

But Abby, you haven’t presented a single credible fact. Given your claims, why not link to credible sources for these facts, or indeed the mysterious ‘pamphlets’ you refer to?

So pleased it went really well. Win-win. The other mum knows you respected her views and the girls had an independent time, enjoying each others company without you earwigging!

I'll let DD do it when she's 12. The DC from the local secondary school congregate outside the chip shop.

But Abby, you haven’t presented a single credible fact

It’s the usual bollocks, beloved of people who think “research” and “google” are synonyms. Post a load of unreferenced, unreviewed nonsense that doesn’t pass the most basic of checks for plausibility. Then, when called on it, claim to just be provoking debate, or asking questions, or encouraging people to do their own “research”. I’m never sure if these people are knowingly dishonest, genuinely deluded or simply stupid, but it’s not worth engaging with them, because you can never pin the “facts” they are relying on down. They will then invoke conspiracy and accusations of bad faith. A generation ago it was satanic abuse. Then mmr. Then 9/11. Then Chemtrails. Now, it would appear, most of the population being trafficked (I wonder if the traffickers will be Muslims or Jews? racism is never far away).

Citations of the claims will not be forthcoming.

Saucy what's "adulty"?

Oh, I do get that, Cuboidal, and nodded at your earlier posts. Sigh. Groan. Compulsory lessons for all on critically evaluating your sources and reading statistics?

The traffickers are probably a Muslim-Jewish-Illuminati conspiracy who won’t even make the trains run on time once they achieve world domination. Or something.

Compulsory lessons for all on critically evaluating your sources and reading statistics?

Indeed. The world would be a better place.

This is normal imo for a 12 year old to do but sil has told us that we are being irresponsible allowing our dcs to go out with out adult supervision - she openly judges us for being irresponsible and crap parents, we silently judge her for being over protective and a crap parent... her kids not my circus, I think she will never back off.
My kids have learned to be socially confident - it didn't come naturally to them but we encouraged and supported them to explore life beyond us.

I told my DC 17 and 15 about this and they were both incredulous that kids wouldn't be allowed to go to lunch together at the age of 12 and that they would be in danger of grooming or trafficking. As DS said ' someone doesn't get out enough', and DD 'maybe she came by time machine from victorian times.'

This is fairly normal where I live, lots of schools finish at midday on the last day of term and the town is full of children out for lunch and a mooch round the shopping center, from year 7 up, the little sweetshop (where my friend works) actually rotas on an extra member of staff because there are that many children!

Agree with the people above saying it's down to the mother. You don't know how sensible or streetwise the friend is, and you don't know if the mother has had issues in the past. And I don't think that makes the mother strange, people just have different limits, she might allow her child to do stuff you wouldn't approve of.