To let my 12 year old dd and her friend to go out for lunch by themselves?

[listsandbudgets]

School finishes at noon tomorrow (DD's school always does on last day of term confused ) and dd is bringing her friend home with her on the bus. Both of them are sensible girls.

I thought as a treat, I'd give them some cash to go out and buy lunch together. I've said that they have to do it local to home after they've go off bus - there are loads of cafes around here to easy to find somewhere. However, I've just talked to her friends mum and she's put her foot down with a firm no.

Apparently they are fine to get the bus and walk to and from bus stop but not eat in a cafe.

Obviously I will abide by her wishes and go out with them myself but now I'm beginning to wonder if IABU to think it might have been a good idea. I just thought it would be a nice bit of independence for them.

Ridiculously overprotective, they are at secondary school!

Good grief, what on earth does she think will happen in a cafe?!
The only reasonable explanation would be if the girl has serious allergies.
Dairy would you really not let a 12 yo on a bus? How do you think Year 7s get to school and back?

... Most 12 year olds go out by themselves..

They do SnowJoke, that's true of Libraries here too, but that doesn't mean we ban children from the library, it means we teach them to be safe.

Yeah it's fine

But other parents will have their own shit going on

I know a woman who didn't let their kids out alone until they were nearly 15

She was sexually abused, she has complex ptsd, the thought gives her flashbacks, and she couldn't handle it at all.

it's not perfect but she really is doing her best.

maybe this mother has similar reasons. Cut her some slack

Snowjoke - by 12 they really should have been taught about this kind of thing and how to stay safe.

Oh god, the other mum is ridiculous. It's light until late-ish now, it's on the way home, it is a café, she is 12, they probably have mobile phones, are sensible and it's bloody lunchtime!

I think it is a lovely treat, and agree with others that high school is the time to start letting go and giving a bit of independence.

12 was the watershed age that we were allowed to go out and about sans adults, including going to Macdonalds and such like. But the other mum isn’t necessarily overprotective. People have different thresholds.

The other mother sounds rather overprotective to me. Why not compromise. Meet the girls off the bus, give them the money, allow them to choose the cafe, order their own food and eat it together, while you just tag along behind and sit at another table. That way they get the experience of deciding how much to spend, which cafe looks best etc etc. Good learning in itself. Any change they get to keep.

Passportto I was just going to say the same thing. I did a safeguarding course and we were told that men befriend teenage boys and use the teenage boys to befriend teenage girls in the local shopping centre, similar to Meadowhall in Sheffield.

You can't isolate your children, you can equip them with knowledge and how to deal with situations.

We let Ds and his mate go for a milkshake in year 7 when they finished at 12. They walked up to the place, rang me when they were almost done and I went and collected them.

The other mu is a loon.

Give dd the cash and have them buy a takeaway from one of the cafes.

I used to work at residential summer schools and after the age of 11, the kids were allowed to go in small groups around whichever city or town we were visiting. These were foreign students.

So if you have 12 year olds who speak minimal English being able to walk around London in a group, having never visited there before (and we never had any problems/kids getting lost/things being stolen/crimes committed), I do think it's a bit overprotective to not let your kid go to the local caff.

Some people are just like that though. Their kids are normally the ones that go right off the rails at university.

i would let dd do this, probably at 10

it doesnt make other mum a loon though. nobody knows what goes on in another persons head or the reasons for it

Everything Bertrand said.

Plus...I was going to Camden on my own at 13....and that was before mobiles!
That was a half hour train on one of the busiest lines in the country, plus tubes etc.

I loved it and never came to any harm.

Mum had given me enough independence and I was streetwise enough to clock onto any shit.
(Not to say I was sensible all the time, or in fact most of the time, but still capable of doing a trip alone)

I don’t see a problem with letting 12year olds eat out in a local cafe but I i understand some parents wouldn’t be happy with this situation, for reasons I’m not even sure of??

I think it’s fine for a 12 year old.

My dd finishes school early on the last day of term, I let her go into town with her friends for a couple of hours and then I pick her up (we live in a small village, she usually gets the bus home from school). She has a mobile on her so I can check up on her and arrange where to pick her up. She’s 14 but I started allowing it when she was 12/13.

@lakeg racist much??

I wouldn't have an issue with it. My DD is 12 and although we live in a village, I wouldn't have an issue with her and a friend going out for lunch in the nearby town.

If they are capable of getting a bus on their own, surely they are capable of ordering a sandwich on their own?

Some people absolutely baffle me.

If it was happening at my local library there would be very limited visiting from my kids on their own.

How does a twelve year old "keep themselves safe"?
Mine aren't so mature as some perhaps.

Cut other parents some slack would seem a fair point.

I would be as concerned about my daughter no matter who the people were.

The only relevance was them visiting the cafes otherwise I think 12 year olds are smart enough to deal with random weirdos.

Hasnt the racist card become a little old.
Should be really not be concetranting on our young ones and not hurting anyone else

How do you know it's not SnowJoke? From my work I know it's rife everywhere, terrifying if you think about it too much.

These gangs target vulnerable children, so "our" children are largely protected by coming from loving homes, having friends and knowing who to turn to if they're uncomfortable, by knowing that strangers offering a better life and/or material goods are to be avoided.

Dd2 (12j and friend sometimes get a pizza slice from Greggs and sit on a bench outside the library (glamorous). I have suggested they eat in Costa a few times, I think they did once. Or they just bring something home which is their preferred option.