To let my 12 year old dd and her friend to go out for lunch by themselves?

[listsandbudgets]

School finishes at noon tomorrow (DD's school always does on last day of term confused ) and dd is bringing her friend home with her on the bus. Both of them are sensible girls.

I thought as a treat, I'd give them some cash to go out and buy lunch together. I've said that they have to do it local to home after they've go off bus - there are loads of cafes around here to easy to find somewhere. However, I've just talked to her friends mum and she's put her foot down with a firm no.

Apparently they are fine to get the bus and walk to and from bus stop but not eat in a cafe.

Obviously I will abide by her wishes and go out with them myself but now I'm beginning to wonder if IABU to think it might have been a good idea. I just thought it would be a nice bit of independence for them.

If they're mature enough not to do anything daft there's no reason not to. DS1 is 12 and on the odd afternoon I'm back late from school he'll walk up to the cafe near my school and have a sausage sandwich and read his book for an hour til I'm done.

Other mother is a loon. What a shame- it would have been a lovely thing for them to do.:(

I'd say at that age definitely!! Why does the other Mum say no?

She’s 12! You were boring reasonable and the friend’s mum is doing her daughter no favours not letting her start learning how to be independent. At that age I was catching buses into the city centre to meet my friends and I was not a particularly adventurous or free rein child!

being reasonable! The other mum is boring if anyone needs the adjective!

I'd have thought they'd be okay. A couple of our local cafe's had no under 14's without an adult rules though.

That's weird, unless the cafe is actually a crack den

Whats going to happen to them in a cafe?

I admit Im pretty lax on the parenting front but I had no qualms about my then 12yo going off to London for a day and taking himself round Covent garden etc with his mates.

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Other parents and their apron strings never cease to mystify me.

Op my DD is almost 12 and sensible, l would let her do this, close to home...... so l think the other mum is being a bit overprotective.

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I'd have thought they would be ok.

YANBU

How strange; I suppose some parents are just quite protective?

We used to do this all the time! We’d get he buffet at Pizza Hut.

What a shame the mum won’t allow it.

The other mother is perfectly entitled to make this choice for her daughter. You would choose differently for your own daughter, that’s fine. People have different ideas of what is safe, appropriate etc and that is fine.

Depends on the eating establishment, I guess.

Do most of them tend to serve booze? I won't let my Y8 go anywhere adulty without me. Maccy D's and the like is fine tho.

"The other mother is perfectly entitled to make this choice for her daughter. "
Of course she is. Still makes her a loon, though.

Fine imo my 12 nearly 13yo DD has been out for lots of meals with her friends and loves doing it, gives them confidence in ordering and paying etc and I'd prefer her sitting in a restaurant than over the park or just hanging around although one of her friends isn't allowed anywhere on her own yet and I respect that too.

I'd be more than happy for my DD to do this, and she has been doing since she was 12. it's giving independence in a fairly controlled way. However, you are right to respect the other mum's wishes - just find another friend for your DD to do this with in the future.

This is the norm for the last day of term for many of the local schools, from about year 6/7.

By 12 years old I'm surprised anyone would be concerned about their almost teenager having lunch out, but be fine with them on the vide by themselves.

Most of the cafes around here are run by Muslims they'd have no chance of getting alcohol unless they actually go to the pub which I don't think would cross either of their minds and then neither of them would get served

YANBU - what a lovely thing for the girls to have done.

Strange mother!

YANBU.
My DD was looking forward to going shopping with her friend. I dropped her at friend's house. Friend's mum would drop in town, I'd collect later....Except she ended up shadowing them round the shops and eating with them. DD had a nice time but it wasn't quite the independent 13YO outing she expected and it made her feel slightly differently about her friend.

I remember going on a date with my boyfriend at 12 to a Chinese resteraunt . I can't see an issue with this at all.

Sounds total fine. She sounds a loon. Helicopter parenting at its worst.

"The other mother is perfectly entitled to make this choice for her daughter. You would choose differently for your own daughter, that’s fine. People have different ideas of what is safe, appropriate etc and that is fine."
I agree. Also her dd may not be as confident or sensible as yours OP plus it's in your part of town, which will be familiar for your dd but not for hers. Are you in London or a big city?

Synergy she has her reasons, but it seems odd. What a shame for them.