How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value?

[PeppersTheCat]

Aging burdens up all. But particularly women.

We lower in reproductive value. Aging in women is seen as worse than in men. It is expected that a man will be with a younger woman. Women are judged more on looks, which diminish over time, etc.

How do you cope with this?

I'm in a relationship with a man the same age as me, and I find it a tough pill to swallow - that my value is diminished simply by being an aging woman, yet his is largely untouched. I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

Hmm. Given that DH and I are the same age but he's struggling with multiple health problems and I'm not, I tend to think I'm the better bet.

Plus, I suppose I've never bothered to think of myself in terms of 'mate value'.

Own the image of the crone. Of the three, she is the most valuable. Comes with the territory of experience.

I know plenty of valued older women, but they have a whole heap of confidence.

Like Narkle said: own the crone.

Once you accept, welcome and then own the crone, your value and power are undiminishable.

I’m early 40s, so suspect I am (earlyish) middle age. Never sure any more.

I am mainly pissed off that the costs related to grooming necessary to work are increasing.

The flip side is colleagues treating me with greater respect (probably also because I have more confidence and therefore expect it more)? not getting catcalled or told to smile by strangers, less hassle having to navigate the ‘signals’ I may be sending off.

It’s more about me, and what I think of me, and less about how others (particularly men) view me.

Does that make sense? I’m currently ok with it for these reasons. That may change though....

I don't accept it

I don't think my value is diminished as a middle aged woman. I feel more confident and sure of myself, and my value, than i ever have.

The Reverend Mother must combine the seductive wiles of a courtesan with the untouchable majesty of a virgin goddess, holding these attributes in tension so long as the powers of her youth endure. For when youth and beauty have gone, she will find that the place-between, once occupied by tension, has become a wellspring of cunning and resourcefulness.

• Dune, Frank Herbert.

I intend to be a wise and cunning old crone and embrace it.

your problem is you are measuring your worth as a sexual/reproductive object
forget that and enjoy being considered out of that race

This value thing is a weird way to think of yourself and your relationship isn’t it?
As long as I feel respected by those I love and work with, society can go do one.
Also it is important to see your own value and not base it purely on how young you look.
Very odd

because I value myself for more than just looks.

Is this going to appear in the Daily Fail?

I'm nearly 53 and I REFUSE to let life pass me by.

My hair is grey
My fingernails have mud under them
My work is top notch and I will NOT tolerate mysogyny
DH is going grey as well
but we still laugh like loons

maybe we have not reached middle age yet

speak for yourself, I don't consider my value has diminished in the slightest. Diminished in who's eyes? no one I give a stuff about. Maybe a few empty headed idiots may think like that, but I don't know any

Oh and I channel Helen Mirren by saying Fuck a lot

Fuck off Daily Heil is a popular phrase in my book

I don’t feel I have diminished value as I head towards 50 - I feel more confident and capable than I ever have. I have taken up hobbies and made new friends and earned respect in recent years and I can only see that increasing tbh.

I feel more powerful the older I get.
Family members come to me for advice and me and dh are just as much in love as ever.
There are far fewer stresses now most of our dc are grown ups, more time to ourselves.
A few years back now, maybe about 5 I started to look at the new me I had become and anything I wasn't so happy about about my appearance could be fixed, apart from the wrinkles and dh has just as many.
It may be different if I was looking for "mate value" but that's something I did in my teens tbh.

Well I’m feeling it. Luckily DH is only a year older than I am, but looks like there is a bigger age gap. But I’m definitely feeling it.

I don't think my 'value' was ever high. It is possible that a few more people wanted to get into bed with me when I was younger but that isn't the same as being 'valued.'

By and large people treat me with politeness and respect now. Probably slightly more so, than when I was younger.

I don't bother trying to make myself look younger - other than trying generally to be fit and healthy. I don't dye my hair which is grey.

I do notice when I go to swing dance 'socials' that younger women are more sought after as partners, and this is does frustrate me a bit - though I am thinking about how to deal with this. (Also do I really want to dance with lecherous old tossers? Possibly not.)

Not give a fuck?

Well, I have never had looks, so now I'm middle aged, nothing has changed in terms of 'male gaze.' Fortunately, DH has always and still does find me attractive due to myriad other reasons than a perfect complexion and a tiny waist.

I can't really speak as I'm only 30 but my mum is middle aged and we really value her. She's a wonderful parent, generous and helpful. An excellent grandmother, my toddler ds just lights up when he sees her.
A loving wife to my step dad. An indispensable daughter to my elderly grandparents.
She still works 2 days a week and is stylish and attractive with fabulous skin.
I know that's not what you asked but middle aged women are very valuable to their families and are often the lynchpin that holds a family together.

To be honest, I've never given it any thought.
I'm comfortable with myself. I've had a great fun filled life so far and I'll continue to do so until my body or brain gives up on me.
I say that as an over 50.
If anyone else has an issue with that, then it's their problem, not mine.

I'm almost sixty. I got divorced this year because I am not of diminished value. I am funny, and clever. The things I can do, I do well. I am not of lesser value than anyone because of my age; or in fact for any reason.

Better old than dead

I mean really I am 44 . My babe years have gone but having seen a friend dying from cancer I would rather age than die
Or be sick . Or have major health issues

If you have none of these I would say to suck it up and make the best of it

your problem is you are measuring your worth as a sexual/reproductive object
^^this
Working with lots of young adults I find it liberating that provided I look generally presentable people listen more to what im saying rather than focusing on what I’m wearing or what I look like. No young men gawking at my breasts at work as I am now old enough to be their mother and fortunately not in the MILF category. Ditto no competitive bitchy behaviour from the young women. (And I can still run further than most of them )