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Original poster

How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value?

478 replies

PeppersTheCat · 27/03/2018 20:49

Aging burdens up all. But particularly women.

We lower in reproductive value. Aging in women is seen as worse than in men. It is expected that a man will be with a younger woman. Women are judged more on looks, which diminish over time, etc.

How do you cope with this?

I'm in a relationship with a man the same age as me, and I find it a tough pill to swallow - that my value is diminished simply by being an aging woman, yet his is largely untouched. I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

OP posts:
elastamum · 27/03/2018 21:03

Am over 50 and my value is fine thanks Hmm

RaininSummer · 27/03/2018 21:04

I dont feel this. I am mid fifties. Perhaps if you have attributed a lot of success and fun in life to youth and looks then the loss hits harder.

LJdorothy · 27/03/2018 21:04

I'm in my 50s and don't feel my value has diminished one iota. I'm good at my job and my experience is valued by my colleagues. I may not be able to have any more children but have a marvellous relationship with my adult kids. My partner is happy to leave the baby rearing years behind too and he's aging physically too! And I couldn't give a toss if random men don't find me sexually appealing. That sort of attention is no great loss.

Original poster
PeppersTheCat · 27/03/2018 21:04

I love you guys. I 100% confirm I am not a troll. But female aging seems to be the elephant in the room, and men know it.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/03/2018 21:05

I hate to say this was in the DM already that day Grin

I was Skimming and it some journalist whinging abiut this very topic

Bluelady · 27/03/2018 21:06

I'll be 65 this year and I don't give a flying fuck. My hair's been grey for over 20 years and my face is wrinkled. However I still wear my leopard print coat and my red lipstick and my value is higher than ever. It's what you make it.

Dljlr · 27/03/2018 21:07

I've had no reproductive value for some years now because I'm an ex womb owner. I'm only early 30s. I fully intend to own the crone, I like me more the older I get.

Aroundtheworldandback · 27/03/2018 21:08

It’s a bitter pill to swallow if you’ve always been used to loads of male attention. I would certainly not say our value has decreased though!

What we have now is the common sense to value our healthy bodies (if we are lucky enough to have that), and to appreciate what we DO have in life, which is a skill I never used to have. No I can’t turn heads any more, but I can look in wonder at my gorgeous dd who now can, and I focus on appreciating my lovely dh, friends and lifestyle.

It’s just different that’s all.

Bluntness100 · 27/03/2018 21:08

I certainly don't feel my value has diminished in fact it's increased, due to experience and earnings. My husband certainly doesn't Think he should be with a younger woman and my looks are just fine thanks. Different to thr younger me, but not worse. Just different.

Honestly. Such misogynistic shite to say women's value decreases. I can't decide whether to laugh at you or pity you for feeling this way.

Idontdowindows · 27/03/2018 21:08

But female aging seems to be the elephant in the room, and men know it.

Except it's not. There is no room and there is no elephant. We get older. We get wiser. We get stronger. Our value doesn't lie in our looks or in being fuckable. For those of us who know that, the world is without boundaries.

Mydoghatesthebath · 27/03/2018 21:09

I think the op makes a really valuable point.

Can I add I am being blunt here. If you were a plain teenager and a plain woman then it’s far easier to become older. If you were pretty you take for granted the general attention you got and it’s fsr harder to feel that slipping away.

Please don’t flame me it’s realoy true, vacuous I know but true.

Op I understand. But getting older has its benefits. For a start you don’t tend to please people as you did. There are lots of benefits.

And if all that sounds bollocks get your hair dyed, go to the gym and try Botox it’s womderful

GrinGrinGrin

TalkinPeece · 27/03/2018 21:09

But female aging seems to be the elephant in the room, and men know it.
BOLLOCKS
Its only an issue if you make it one

sell such sexism to fuck right off and it will

LucheroTena · 27/03/2018 21:09

I like getting old. When you work with dying people you appreciate the privilege of living.

I don’t think that’s true about women being less valued. I have security at home and a gravitas at work which you don’t have aged 20. I also don’t miss being sexually harassed all the bloody time.

Inthedeepdarkwinter · 27/03/2018 21:10

By having a career that is taking off in middle-age.

By having a partner who values our time together on this earth and isn't (as far as I know) out looking for a younger model. If he was, his value to me would dramatically diminish.

By spending time with my teenage children and their friends- they are lovely children, but I wouldn't want to be a teen!

By noticing that not all men age spectacularly well, we all get a bit podgy and wrinkled. The George Clooney look-alikes are thin on the ground IMO.

By not speaking about middle-aged women, who are my friends and colleagues, in a disparaging way.

UpstartCrow · 27/03/2018 21:10

It can be liberating, if you let it. Stop measuring your worth against what other people believe, use your energy and talent to develop a worthwhile skill instead.

Idontdowindows · 27/03/2018 21:11

If you were a plain teenager and a plain woman then it’s far easier to become older. If you were pretty you take for granted the general attention you got and it’s fsr harder to feel that slipping away.

I don't even know where to begin with this.

No, some of us were pretty and couldn't give a fuck then or now.

And if you need me, I'll be headdesking in that corner over there.

ScreamingValenta · 27/03/2018 21:11

My value wasn't really any 'higher' as a younger woman - I had no looks to lose, and I definitely didn't want children so my fertility was irrelevant.

Lucisky · 27/03/2018 21:11

Well I certainly don't feel my value is diminished at all, and I am in my sixties.I don't know anyone who judges people on the way they look or are ageing. I personally feel strong, settled and happy in my skin. If you are mixing with people who judge you on your looks and your 'reproductive value' (whatever that means) perhaps you should find friends who aren't so shallow.

turnipfarmers · 27/03/2018 21:12

Diminished value? I beg your pardon? My value is not at all diminished thank you very much, if anything it is enhanced.

Biscuit
TalkinPeece · 27/03/2018 21:12

If you were pretty you take for granted the general attention you got and it’s fsr harder to feel that slipping away.
ODFOD

I'm a lean and mean 50+ year old and I look and feel WONDERFUL
and I can out think lots of youngsters

gottachangethename1 · 27/03/2018 21:13

My value feels like it’s increased as I’ve aged. Practically loathed myself during my teens and twenties. Still a bit unsure in my thirties, but now in my forties I’m finally happy with myself. Largely helped by the fact I stopped worrying what others think of me and started treating myself more kindly.

Fairylea · 27/03/2018 21:14

I don’t agree with this idea that women suddenly become invisible as they age. Or their worth disappears. Nonsense. Tons and tons of older women are beautiful, confident, poweful. Tons and tons of younger women waste their lives worrying they’re not “enough”. With age comes confidence- for lots of people anyway. That in itself is priceless and liberating and people in general love that attitude and are drawn to it.

I am nearly 40. My husband is a lot younger than me and he is more worried about ageing than I am. Age really is just a number to me. I am someone with multiple health problems and difficulties but I am determined to live every day with bravery and courage. To grab life with both hands. I am just as worthy of life and love and attention as when I was younger.

MethodinHerMadness · 27/03/2018 21:15

You sound very insecure OP.

I don't feel diminished.

I am told I look very young for my age. I make an effort, but I know that I'm a bit wiser now I'm older and relationship are based on more than how many grey hairs or wrinkles.

Do you see yourself purely as arm candy?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 27/03/2018 21:15

The George Clooney look-alikes are thin on the ground IMO.
And the Helen Mirren look-alikes are there in similar numbers to the George Clooney look-alikes. There are women who age really well. But really, just the same as when you are young, only a few really make it on the basis of looks alone. And the biggest secret of youth is that actually middle age can be even better Smile

Laska5772 · 27/03/2018 21:16

I am 60... Hear me roar ... (and wear what the fuck I like, and say Fuck a lot, and dye my hair, and pull my weight in the workplace, and enjoy my adult Dcs and DGCs , and drink and party when i want and still manage to be married to a man 3 years younger than me who says he is very happy , AND oh, yes have sex.. )