How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value?

[PeppersTheCat]

Aging burdens up all. But particularly women.

We lower in reproductive value. Aging in women is seen as worse than in men. It is expected that a man will be with a younger woman. Women are judged more on looks, which diminish over time, etc.

How do you cope with this?

I'm in a relationship with a man the same age as me, and I find it a tough pill to swallow - that my value is diminished simply by being an aging woman, yet his is largely untouched. I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

Oh, and do middle aged men feel their value is diminished? Probably not, they're men after all.

I think we can do, yes. Usually in terms of employment - when middle aged is now 'old'. Less so in terms of personal relationships.

We have our moments of lacking in confidence and self doubt, I think it affects both sexes just in different ways.

I guess I would feel it more if I were single and wanted to partner up.

I am single, entirely through choice.

I don't get where these concepts of less value, less freedom, less choice etc are coming from.

I am middle aged, female, single, of HIGH value to my family, friends, colleagues and employer, totally free and with full freedom of choice over every aspect of my life.

I suspect that those women saying they have less value and less freedom in middle age are actually imposing those limitations on themselves

About employment though, I'm 58. I have just taken on a director level post. A decade or two ago when retirement age was 60 that would have been impossible. I retrained at 43. That has given me a 25 year crack at a new career. I think things for women are getting better and better.

At 58 my grandmother wore a girdle and long line bra, had a shampoo and set twice a week, wore middle aged clothes and a hat and big handbag. Despite being clever and indomitable she didn't go to university and only worked because of a family business. She never ever had a salary or payslip or the opportunity to do that.

TheBrilliantMistake. Yes, of course men feel they're aren't valued at times and in certain situations. We all feel undervalued at time unless completely lacking in imagination and self awareness.

The title of the thread though implies that, not some, but all women, once they hit middle age will have to learn to 'cope with their diminished value' because they automatically lose any value they had, which is not the same as feeling that you lack value in the workplace, for example.

I'd like the OP to tell us exactly how all middle aged women's value is diminished. I don't see it myself.

Yes of course, but this thread also proves that not all women do feel that way either.

I can see how some might feel their value is diminished, but that doesn't make it true.

As I type those words though, I'm going to retract them. I think some people probably do diminish the value of older women. They are idiots, but idiots exist.

Others appreciate them just the same, and sometimes more, but maybe we fail to tell them as often as we should do. So I'll make a start...

Women who've lived a little are very much appreciated and you are being noticed!

I'm 50 soon and look better than I ever did at 20. Then I had acne and wore heavy foundation to hide it. Now I am glad of my oily skin as I have hardly any wrinkles and it's often assumed I'm in my 30's.

I'm much more confident and am an ideal weight for my height. My 11 year old often asks to borrow my clothes.
I certainly don't feel worthless or invisible.

Older people, women in particular, do become 'invisible' in the eyes of the young. But are the opinions of young men and women the only yardstick by which older women should measure themselves?

So you’re saying the OP is right. Older women do have diminished value in the eyes of others. The question is whether you decide to care about what others think or not.

All this “I’m shit hot and fantastic at my job and don’t give a fuck what men think of me” is a bit too much of a overreaction. A reaction against the very real fact that until recently older women were seen as lesser, and practically invisible in the media whilst old men continued to be represented no problem.

Although things are changing now it would be idealistic to think they change overnight.

Go on any OLD site and you’ll see that older men have more opportunities than older women. Over 50 and there are very slim pickings for women.

And yes I know that we are not supposed to define ourselves by our relationship to men but choosing to not to give a fuck about the problem doesn’t mean the problem doesn’t exist.

So you’re saying the OP is right. Older women do have diminished value in the eyes of others.
The op didn't say that though. They said they had diminished value, and didn't clarify with 'in the eyes of others'.

In the eyes of SOME others, they probably do, but not in all, in others their value can increase.

I am almost 50. I don't feel diminished in value, I do feel frustrated that careers options are limited by my still needing to be around a lot for teenage kids and an elderly parent and everything that goes with that, and frustrated by not having any time to myself.

Just because older women become invisible in the eyes of the young - young men in particular - doesn't actually make them 'invisible' or diminished. It just mean that young people aren't interested in them.

Older women taking too much notice of what young people think in regards to their self worth is perhaps giving the opinions of young people more value than their opinions are worth.

The young have, and always will, dismiss older people, certainly in western culture, but it doesn't mean older women have to give their opinion any credence.

Young people are too young to appreciate the value of age.
They eventually learn that.
Sometimes, there's a sexual attraction - of the Mrs Robinson kind, but on the whole, you're old, parental, don't know anything, or at least have no clue what it's like to be young - EVERYTHING is different now ;-) (just like we told our parents).

I'm still waiting for the OP to explain exactly what is meant by the 'diminished value' of middle aged women.

I find the ingrained misogyny of the question in the title quite revolting, tbh. I'm hiding the thread.

Exactly Snowmageddon. It's bloody awful.

Totally agree- disgusting title.

pigs
the OP posted and ran
and as this thread has not yet shown up on the Sexist, Racist, anti semitic, tax dodging, Daily Mail
I think it did not go to plan for her

I don't think she meant it quite so harshly. I think she meant 'perceived diminished value' - which is probably a reasonably common perception.

Yes, perceived diminished value. That is how I understood it.

I think the fact that Ive been single for as long as i have been shows that i dont need a man. But society is very couple centric. We are hardwired to connect etc! Do I really have to explain to people who are choosing to stay in there relationship why I would like a relationship, at some point.

That was to headingforsunshine

But luckily I think that is fairly obvious to most people! If I needed a man id be with one but i want one who is good company & a good person and healthy and not a liability of some descrption.

Ifyouseerita, I agree with you about online dating. I know a 70 year old guy in RL who won't date women over 50 but he'll make an exception for me. Gee thanks. I've turned him down but I know if he was online dating he would have bypassed me based on my age.
I don't find him attractive but a few women in their 40s are interested in him as he's very rich.
The men I meet are out and about in pubs and gigs.

There's a big difference between 'needing' a man and 'would like one' too. No woman should need a man (imo), but it's pretty natural to want one.
None of that should affect value though - perceived or otherwise.

Queen he sounds revolting. My DH is 68 (23 years my senior as im 45 this summer) but i am the only younger woman he has ever dated. He didnt expect or feel entitled to date younger women as a group.

I find it insulting that younger people (and especially women) diminish our opinions,
Politics and experience, that we, our mothers and grand mothers lived through and fought for means nothing in this brave new world. That old-style venturing women feminism is ‘wrong’ and that we should step aside for the new woke feminism. That bothers me way more than saggy tits and wrinkles.

I was thinking more about this thread. Seem to be a few younger women on here worrying about this non issue.

I remembered back (it was quite some time ago...) to my 20s. I remember this idea swirling around in my life too, from time to time. I distinctly recall worrying that I would somehow have my wings clipped as I grew older.
This is because I was told it would be so, by the papers, by society in general, blah blah.

Then I got there, and in getting there, going through my 30s, and now nearly out of my 40s, I realised it was a lie. It just isn't true, imo.

I do still feel, mildly, the imposter syndrome, which is linked I think. Do others still feel it? It was quite strong years ago, I don't feel it so much now, its more a sense that it has been present in my life. I was talking about it to another woman in her 40s recently and we agreed that we can easily recall the way it made us feel, but we don't put up with that shit now!