How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value?

[PeppersTheCat]

Aging burdens up all. But particularly women.

We lower in reproductive value. Aging in women is seen as worse than in men. It is expected that a man will be with a younger woman. Women are judged more on looks, which diminish over time, etc.

How do you cope with this?

I'm in a relationship with a man the same age as me, and I find it a tough pill to swallow - that my value is diminished simply by being an aging woman, yet his is largely untouched. I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

If you were pretty you take for granted the general attention you got and it’s fsr harder to feel that slipping away.
I modelled in the seventies. I refer you to my earlier post.

I'm 50 this year and me and DH are out every weekend with our mates of all ages having a fucking ball.
We aren't dying we're living.

inthedeepdarkwinter has it and speaks for me!

I feel more powerful the older I get

At 60, so do I.

I can’t identify with anything the OP says.

*Own the image of the crone. Of the three, she is the most valuable. Comes with the territory of experience.

I know plenty of valued older women, but they have a whole heap of confidence.*

Totally agree.

I am in my 50s and I have never felt more self worth than I do now.

And because I feel that way other people respond to that.

I was very attractive in my younger years and worked as a model (face and hair - I have always been too short for anything else). Now I am 50 and I am ageing really quite badly. Why? Because I have too much fun! I have grey hair, wrinkles and I do not give a toss. All the wear and tear has been well earned. I have a good job, I am liked and respected. I have lots of friends ranging from 30 - 60 year olds. I embrace life and it embraces me.

I'm loving being middle aged.

I hated being the pretty young thing - it was a hassle, and I married young so the male attention was completely unwanted from everyone else. Everyone thought I must be stupid because I was young and pretty, and completely overreacted when I turned out not to be a complete moron, which left me wondering if they would have been equally impressed had I been older/plain.

I was constantly insecure about my body, my image, my presence, my competence.

As I have grown older I have discovered that actually yes, thanks, I am perfectly able to cope in most situations, in fact I am perfectly competent, my body has done a fine job of the main purpose of its existence (made and fed two wonderful children), and I don't give a damn about my image any more. I am at peace with who and what I am in a way I never was when I was young.

And not feeling like prey surrounded by predators when around young men is a definite bonus!

It's pretty wonderful, really.

If you were pretty you take for granted the general attention you got and it’s fsr harder to feel that slipping away

Bullshit. I'm pretty. I was a pretty child, a pretty young woman and I'm considered very pretty at 49. Just like my grand mother who was the same and was considered a very pretty old woman in her eighties. When you're young you don't know it so much, you lack the confidence, as an older woman you do.

You don't stop being pretty, because you get older, unless you gain or lose a lot of weight, get ill or fuck with your face. In addition you develop other attributes, experience and confidence being two of them.

Being considered pretty is irrelevant. My value is not based on how pretty I am. It never has been. My value is in being a mother, a wife, a friend, an employee, that's my value. Not how pretty I am or how many blokes ogle me.

I'm 23 and I understand. All the men I date seem to be early 30's. Who will I date when I'm early 30's? I think it's really nice for everyone to virtue signal, and I fully expect to be a wise crone and am looking forward to that part of my life the most, but I am human, I am vain, and I am straight. I understand you OP.

My experience is a bit different. I actually get more respect now as I'm more senior at work. I've noticed similar when I'm out and about. There used to be a sense that I owed men something, now there isn't.

At 61 me and 62 Oh i work two jobs, we go to motorbike rallies, rock nights, live gigs (iron maiden in august) go on holidays, love the fact the kids are grown up and grandchildren visit then go home, i dont care that my hair is starting to go grey, that my face aint what it was, and i decided at 24 that no more children for me got sterilised, so all in all im living a second life while i still have my health and zest for life

Diminished value????!!!!!
Give me strength 😂

I’m 65 this year and I’m more valuable than ever to the people around me. I full of wisdom and wit. I like myself as well. I didn’t like being looked at by men and or valued for my looks, not at all.

I have some female family members who are very shallow and only think they are good as they look - which actually coming to think of it is true in their cases.

Oh, I forgot!

Diminished value, my arse!

(Although there would be some value in a diminished arse!)

This is meant kindly, but the problem is the way you look at yourself/the world.

Yes, the patriarchy etc etc, but I read your op and I don't accept any of that. I just don't look at it that way, and I'm not in denial.

I much prefer my life now, at 49. Plus, diminished value? I don't think so. Literally just been headhunted for an amazing job, for the second time in 3 years. I am bloody fantastic.

It's interesting that on this thread it's all the young women who are worried about being middle aged.

For those of us there- most of us are having a fucking ball!

My 50s is my best decade yet.

I am 23 and I understand….!

Just me then. Depressing, and encouraging at the same time.

Such a funny thread.

We are so fortunate that many of us have the opportunity to work in ‘proper’ jobs and aren’t reliant on our male relatives to survive. Yes there’s a long way still to go, but I see how far things have come since my unmarried great aunt served in the women’s land army and then worked in the civil service, for much of her career she was paid less than men doing the same job, she lived in lodgings until the 1970s as she was unable to get a mortgage as a single woman. She also had to wear skirts to work despite having to climb ladders to do site inspections. She always said to me she would have been a single working mum these days (her fiancé died in WW2 and she never met anyone else). Things are so much better for middle-aged women now than they ever have been

I understand mydog

I'm 50 and feel I'm only just hitting my stride, look ok, not badly off and embracing new things. I feel very relevant and quite powerful.

The men around me seem happy to settle into sofa and slippers and grumbling while the women are starting new things, new styles and new jobs. This is a new and exciting chapter in many ways.

We've lost parents, friends and the children are becoming independent so we grab life or so it appears to me.

Coming up to 50. I have a friend who has defined herself in terms of perceived sexual attractiveness and who has found the passing of time tough. I never have and so aging is only a PITA due to health issues. In my middle age I’ve decided to do what I’ve always wanted to and I’ve gone back to uni to do a PhD (surrounded by young people of course!).

value to who? men? pah!

I don't accept my value diminishes as I age (I'm 48 this year) because I value myself and I measure my value on things like how much I enjoy my career, laughing with my mates, raising my kids, running, travelling - not on some random bloke finding my attractive or 'society' telling me I'm passed it