How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value?

[PeppersTheCat]

Aging burdens up all. But particularly women.

We lower in reproductive value. Aging in women is seen as worse than in men. It is expected that a man will be with a younger woman. Women are judged more on looks, which diminish over time, etc.

How do you cope with this?

I'm in a relationship with a man the same age as me, and I find it a tough pill to swallow - that my value is diminished simply by being an aging woman, yet his is largely untouched. I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

Diminished value...says WHO?
Probably passed middle age now, and was never a gorgeous specimen, but now feel more confident, calmer, happier than ever.
Perhaps it helps that my worth was never reflected from other people, it has always come from myself.
Plus...artist...we are odd

I feel my value has increased infinitely as I've got older. I'm wiser, smarter, kinder, richer, more funny, better company. I'm good at my job, I was good at my previous career. I am raising a daughter on my own with no financial and limited practical support from anyone else. I have good, real friends who have my back, and a wide circle of acquaintances. I have fun, I work hard, I get things done. Sometimes I behave like a 20 year old. Sometimes I am middle aged and reflective. I'm even better looking, thinner, more stylish and more self-assured and I can afford clothes. Smug? maybe, but after what I've been through over the past few years I have earned that.

Anyone who doesn't appreciate my value purely because I am middle aged can go fuck themselves.

Anna bell I give a shit about my looks also, in fact love fashion more than when i was younger but luckily at 60 I can afford to and I love to experiment .. and give far less fucks what others think than i did in my yoof..

I'm only 25 but can't wait to reach older age and think back over the years of my life.

user- I am excited about the future. Life is too busy to spend time drinking tea and "looking back".

Tbh I like not being leered at and not having the awkwardness / aggression of being hit on.

Op you have a depressing world view! But I also work with the terminally ill and yes it changes your perspective.

Unfortunately for me dh has got into an obsessive hobby so is looking like a Greek god (bottom pinched by a gay man the other day). I envy women with slightly dishevelled pudgy men makes them look better

To be valued by others, you need to value yourself OP
It is a privilege to see oneself grow older, some don't make it that far.
My DM is 92 and has tremendous value, as a family member and dear friend.
I would never exchange wisdom for youth.
You are a beautiful woman Peppers ! 😄

I’m 43 and I have absolutely no fucks to give. I’m far too busy getting on with my life to worry if some random man thinks I’m fuckable or not. I did that shit in my twenties and I’m completely over it now. My value is in myself and the relationships I’ve created.

There are still a lot of years to live. No way am I wasting them looking back.

As the saying goes Do not resent growing old. Many are denied the privilege.

Eh? I don't diminish in value; my value increases by the day. Anyone who doesn't share that value gets booted out of my life.
I'm more valued at work because of my experience. I value myself highly and that's what I expect from others.

Well all I can say to the younger women worried, is these are some of the best years of your life.

You have the disposable income to go play. You know how to dress you know what suits you. You're in a long term relationship you're confident about. You have children who adore you. You've reached a level of seniority at work where people respect you. You're confident in the way you look, comfortable in your own skin. You're not afraid to express your opinions. You're not afraid to say no. You still get ogled, by both younger and older men. You don't care. You have the time to go play not just the money. You have firm friendships People treat you with more respect. They assume you know what you're talking about because you say it with confidence. At some point over the next few years you'll be free of the tyranny of periods. Your home is beautiful and to your taste because you know now what you like. You're a good driver, and drive a great car. You have the time to spend keeping fit, because you want to. Or you can bugger off to Barcelona for a long weekend with friends, just because you want to. You can give advice to your grown up kids because they ask and want your opinion. You know your value. You are finally happy.

Not all women will have all these things, but even having a few of them, makes these the best years. Your value increases. Not decreases.

Absolutely rag doll. When I walk away from a deathbed I appreciate everything - even mundane stuff like eating a nice dinner dinner or a spring like day.

Feeling sad because you don't get a double take from random men any more? Come on op you're better than that!

Diminished value?

Sorry, don't get it.

*Own the image of the crone. Of the three, she is the most valuable. Comes with the territory of experience.

I know plenty of valued older women, but they have a whole heap of confidence.*

This is brilliant. I’ve finally arrived at this point and feel liberated.

I don't understand the question!

I'm in my fifties and feel loved and valued by many.

The sudden lack of male attention is startling I'm not going to lie. As someone who was a plain teenager but pretty bloody striking in my twenties and thirties, the lack of interest in that regard hurts. I feel like I'm right back to where I started but without the glimmer of hope.

I find the older I get the less I need validation from others, frankly.

I am happy with myself and my worth. The opinions of others are overrated

I’m 47,fitter, slimmer and happier than I’ve ever been. I have some very minor health niggles but on the whole life has never been better. DS at uni , parents relatively well ( Please God that continues ), husband a wee bit older and retiring from his job soon. Relatively happy at work.

I really don’t care how others look at me.

Older women have immense value. My friend told me about a woman she knew who died. She had worked tirelessly in the family business, in a corner shop 7 days a week. She said that after her friends death, her husband and her grown up children suddenly became aware of all that she had done, of all the loyal customers who came into the shop to remember and honour her, of all the important roles and tasks she took care of without any fuss, and they were distraught at what they had not recongnised while she was alive.
My friend, and lots of my friends, have been the driving force of their relationships, their families and their workplaces. They have volunteered, they have competed, they have got promoted, taught others, been elected.
My mother is 73. She has been a high earner in business, self-employed, established a long running charity fundraiser and managed it for ten years (its still going), a church minister, a parish counciller, a candidate for a political party, a treasurer for the womens institute, borne breast cancer treatment with good grace, and she will probably continue to do some of the above for many years to come.

To be honest, it is really inaccurate to use market terminology when thinking about people. There is no such thing as "diminished value" or depreciation. People are individuals with endless potential, ideas and capability. How can you place a value on anybody? This is just the wrong approach. I miss being cute and slim - but I now have power, wisdom and clarity of thought. My career is better and I am more confident, which makes me respected. There is no way I feel less valuable than any man.

Whilst I am uncomfortable about this idea of diminishing mate value I’m going to tell you about my older sister who is 49. She was unfortunately infertile so obviously didn’t have children. She split up with her partner 4 years ago and thought that no one would be interested in her. She is literally beating them away!

There are a lot of divorcees in their 40s and 50s and yes some newly divorced men of that age think they can bag a much younger woman (its only the rich and/or attractive minority that actually can though). She is attractive and looks after herself in that she runs and does yoga so isn’t fat but the only youth enhancing things she does is colour in the greys and have her teeth whitened. She’s a well qualified and educated professional with a good job and is quietly confident. I think that like attracts like and educated intelligent men of this age find her attractive and aren’t deluded enough to chase after 25 year olds.

Her theory is that, due to her financial independence - owns a lovely home and has a good pension - and lack of children, they see her as the hassle free option. No need to coordinate two lots of childcare arrangements, they can stay over at her house without disturbing the kids, plan holidays etc. Although disturbingly, some of them (if they’ve lost the family home in the divorce and are renting) seem to think they can move straight in and share her house (these ones have quite rightly been dumped at an early stage). Like I said, she is beating them off with the proverbial stick and says she is able to be more picky than she was in her 20s!

I don't feel like that OP. So far this is the best I've ever felt.

Loving this thread!

but I now have power, wisdom and clarity of thought. oow, I like that.

I’m 50 and feel cherished and valued by myself and my husband.