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Original poster

How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value?

478 replies

PeppersTheCat · 27/03/2018 20:49

Aging burdens up all. But particularly women.

We lower in reproductive value. Aging in women is seen as worse than in men. It is expected that a man will be with a younger woman. Women are judged more on looks, which diminish over time, etc.

How do you cope with this?

I'm in a relationship with a man the same age as me, and I find it a tough pill to swallow - that my value is diminished simply by being an aging woman, yet his is largely untouched. I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

OP posts:
Mydoghatesthebath · 27/03/2018 21:59

Oh dear I put it badly.

I don’t feel diminished. At all.

but I did feel the sadness of my fertility diminishing as my beautiful teenage girls were coming into theirs.

It’s a change snd some women find it harder then others.

I suggested those who ‘enjoyed’ the power their looks gave them in the past could, just could, feel the change getting older harder.

Not saying it’s right or sensible just saying that’s how it can feel and all feelings are valuable even if to some they are nonsense

BestZebbie · 27/03/2018 21:59

Women may get less sexy as they age, but men die a lot sooner.....I'm not sure we are the ones who have it bad.

Chottie · 27/03/2018 21:59

I'm in my 60s.

TBH, I never give it a passing thought. I'm too busy with full time work, life and family........

And I don't feel middle aged in the least :)

MrsJoshDun · 27/03/2018 22:00

I don’t feel diminished. I’m in my early 40s. My career is going well, I am fitter than I’ve ever been. If anyone judges me on my looks, ie that I’m not as young looking as someone in their 20s or 30s that’s their problem, I couldn’t give a fuck.

AnnabelleLecter · 27/03/2018 22:00

Excellent post Bluntness

I almost didn't click on this thread but glad I did.
I love it!
Same here Laska

Mishappening · 27/03/2018 22:00

Diminished value? I am 69 and I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I certainly do NOT feel I have diminished value.

I contribute to my community in many ways: school governor, choir leader, PR person for a choral society, run a library and a book club, care for a sick OH, care for GC, spend time with my lovely DDs..........I could go on.

I feel confident in my roles and could not give a toss about whether I have sex appeal - which is what I have to assume the OP is talking about. I feel appreciated and valued and have no quibble with my role as a middle aged woman. And I a surrounded with contemporaries who I am sure feel the same.

OP, you are quite simply wrong!

DietCoke87 · 27/03/2018 22:00

How do middle-aged woman cope with their diminished value? ... I think the power balance will shift as my "mate value" diminishes.

WTAF? Obvious troll. Go back to watching Stefan Molyneux. Perhaps ask his comment section on YouTube what you should do if you really believe you have diminished value as a human being and need to find a way to cope.

MrsJoshDun · 27/03/2018 22:01

I definitely feel more confident as I get older. I care less about other people’s opinions. I have good friends, a good social life, hobbies.

plominoagain · 27/03/2018 22:01

Seeing as I’ve never given a fuck about my ‘attractiveness value ‘ to anyone , I can safely say that I give no more fucks about it at 47 than I did at 25 . The big difference now is that having gained a whole load of life experience in all sorts of ways , I seem to be respected ( or feared according to DH ) a damn sight more now than I used to be .

LoremIpsumMum · 27/03/2018 22:02

I don't judge my own value by whether I am in a relationship , or by who that relationship is with. I'm 50 and don't feel diminished. I think you are diminishing yourself.

MrsJoshDun · 27/03/2018 22:03

Oh and a friend of mine in her early 50s and recently divorced is having great fun shagging 20yo blokes who she meets on tinder.

KERALA1 · 27/03/2018 22:03

My dh came back Shock from his sports club - two of the men had left their wives and teenage kids for younger models - who all then wanted babies. So these late 40s men were back in the world of nappies and toddlers and unable to do their sport as much if at all and were looking for sympathy! Dh said he quite literally could think of nothing worse we are just getting our lives back.

Tinycitrus · 27/03/2018 22:03

I don’t give a fuck either Smile

ScattyCharly · 27/03/2018 22:03

By not giving a fuck.

I didn’t measure myself by how many men fancied me anyway so I don’t think losing looks impacts me.

Swiftswallows · 27/03/2018 22:04

What a wonderful uplifting thread!

battenbergbutterfly · 27/03/2018 22:04

Far rather be aged and alive than beautiful and dead.

PasstheStarmix · 27/03/2018 22:04

Surely for what a Middle aged woman loses in youth/looks she gains in wisdom and life experience. I also think it’s depends on the person as I’ve seen older women that look better and fitter (take care of themselves) than some younger women who look old before their time.

PasstheStarmix · 27/03/2018 22:05

dependant*

lljkk · 27/03/2018 22:05

I "cope" by not buying into any of it. Why do you equate your value to things like youth, reproductivity & looks? Daft.

Ok, tbf, my views on those things were settled when I was very young. But you could change your mind to not rate those things so highly, at any time.

I wonder if your bloke finds it quite unsettling that you're so insecure about these things. Maybe he likes you regardless and feels disappointed that you don't expect the best of him?

I dare say I'm happier now (50yo) than at any previous time in my life.

trappedinsuburbia · 27/03/2018 22:06

I certainly value myself a lot more in my 40's than I did in earlier years, with age comes confidence (which you sound short on to write this post) and wisdom (I hope).

I feel great, its very liberating being older, you know so much more and worry less.

Be grateful if you can grow old, many never had that privilege.

PasstheStarmix · 27/03/2018 22:06

I’ve also noticed that some men don’t age as well as the theory would lead us to believe....so many have beer bellies and receding hair lines.

Darkbendis · 27/03/2018 22:06

And the biggest secret of youth is that actually middle age can be even better

I love this! 43 going on 44 and feeling awesome!

LardLizard · 27/03/2018 22:08

I hear you op, it is seems ok for men to get pot bellies and generally let themselves go
Where as woman are definitely judeged more harshly for doing the same
Guess we just have to try not to acumen to the pressure

heebiejeebie · 27/03/2018 22:08

I have always put a lot of value in my job, something I worked hard for. I am now relatively senior and respected and I love that. I love being able to advise people working their way up. I am stable, unafraid, confident. Happier in my skin than I ever was in my 20s. Don't be afraid. Your worth comes from yourself, not from men sizing you up as a potential fuck.

LardLizard · 27/03/2018 22:08

Succum