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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
iloveruby · 27/03/2018 11:29

YANBU. Likewise with contraception - in order to get my implant replaced I had to have a separate session to discuss all contraceptive options. It just adds another barrier for women trying to access birth control.

BarryTheKestrel · 27/03/2018 11:31

Yes and no. I've had one, for medical reasons 7 years ago.
Hardly anyone I know knows about it because of the stigma surrounding it.

I do feel it should be more normalized and accepted because it happens, for a variety of reasons, every single day. However it shouldn't be so normal that it's seen as a form of contraception which does seem to happen in some social circles where it is entirely normalized.

It's a tricky one. One person's acceptable reason is another person's never in a million years.

Fuzzyduck0 · 27/03/2018 11:32

I dont think its comparable. One is a life changing decision, the other affects whether you can chew better/worse...

kubex · 27/03/2018 11:32

But it isn't just a bog standard procedure and referring to it as one would make it sound like an acceptable form of birth control.

I am fully supportive of a woman's right to choose but do not agree with women that don't take precautions and rely on abortions to end multiple unwanted pregnancies.

DairyisClosed · 27/03/2018 11:34

YABU. People are entitled to their own opinions. Obviously it isn't OK to put social pressure on others to confirm to your beliefs but it isn't OK to tell people what to think either. It would be much better if more women could spend less time worrying about what other people think but apparently most people are a bit thick that way.

Sparklingbrook · 27/03/2018 11:34

I agree the two aren't comparable.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:34

Does anyone have any data on women who ‘use termination as contraception’?
Is this just anecdotal?

OP posts:
PinkHeart5914 · 27/03/2018 11:35

While I think every woman should have the right to have an abortion safely, I don’t think it should be like having a tooth out. It should never been seen as a form of contraception for example and people treating it like nipping out to the dentist.

An abortion is ending a pregnancy and that should never been seen as nothing becuase it is something

DairyisClosed · 27/03/2018 11:35

@iloveruby they just wanted to make sure you had the best contraceptive(s) for your needs. In what way were they trying to prevent you accessing contraception?

Thimpu · 27/03/2018 11:36

YANBU

I had a first trimester abortion a few years ago. It wasn't even a decision to make for me. I felt no guilt whatsoever. I didn't take any time to consider it. It was a medical abortion so just a couple of pills. It wasn't particularly inconvenient.

However, there's no narrative or trope for women like me. Abortion is wrapped up in all sorts of weird ideas about guilt, motherhood, babies and even responsibility to male partners. Speaking about abortion outwith rhetoric like this is almost impossible, which is frustrating and invisibilizes the experiences of women for whom abortion isn't a big deal.

Very few friends or family members know about my abortion because there didn't, and still doesn't exist, an adequate vocabulary in which to articulate my experience. The fact that very few people know about my abortion, though, only goes to reproduce the idea that it's a big thing, not to be spoken about (or to be spoken about only in particular terms).

AgnesBrownsCat · 27/03/2018 11:38

No I disagree , it should never be used in place of contraception which I fear would happen if it was too easy .

Thimpu · 27/03/2018 11:39

@PinkHeart5914

An abortion is ending a pregnancy and that should never been seen as nothing becuase it is something

It was nothing for me.

PinkAvocado · 27/03/2018 11:41

YABU. In no way are they comparable for me.

ThymeLord · 27/03/2018 11:42

YANBU. I totally disagree with people who say it's a life changing decision. It wasn't for me, I don't regret having an abortion at all and all I personally felt afterwards was relief.

Mightymucks · 27/03/2018 11:42

No. Because a lot of women don’t do it lightly and give it serious thought and consideration before deciding what is right for them. Treating those women like they’ve just made a flippant decision is really unpleasant.

PinkAvocado · 27/03/2018 11:43

Thyme-it wasn’t a life changing experience for you but you cannot speak for everyone and say it is not a life changing experience categorically.

Ginkypig · 27/03/2018 11:45

It's not just a bog standard procedure though and making it one could isolate women who have emotionally distressing feelings after having one, could put some young or vulnerable women in positions where they feel pressured that they must have one because it's just a tiny procedure but a baby is life changing!

that being said though your other point is massively important and I couldn't agree more that no women should have any guilt or judgment heaped upon them

It's not to me a bog standard procedure but it is an important medical procedure that any woman should be able to access easily and without guilt or judgment within easy travel from their area i.e. Not having to go 4 hours on a train etc.

GoldenHefalump · 27/03/2018 11:45

I totally disagree with people who say it's a life changing decision. It wasn't for me, I don't regret having an abortion at all

I'd imagine your life is quite different now than it would be if you'd had a child instead of an abortion?

Of course it's a life changing decision, in the absolute literal sense.

UpstartCrow · 27/03/2018 11:47

YANBU. Telling women is has to be a huge decision just adds to the guilt trip placed on them when its a medical necessity, or when they don't feel any guilt.

Isadora2007 · 27/03/2018 11:49

Speaking about abortion outwith rhetoric like this is almost impossible, which is frustrating and invisibilizes the experiences of women for whom abortion isn't a big deal.

But why would THOSE women need to have any reaction to their experiences as by their own admission it was a non-experience.

But for those who it WASNT nothing and WAS a gut-wrenching and soul destroying decision having a “meh it’s just like having a tooth out” attitude could be disasterous.

So YABU. Ending a life shouldn’t ever be taken lightly, even when it is the right decision for many reasons.

CaffeineAndCrochet · 27/03/2018 11:49

An abortion is ending a pregnancy and that should never been seen as nothing becuase it is something

Agree. There shouldn't be guilt and judgement involved, but it's still not something that should be done lightly.

Fuzzyduck0 · 27/03/2018 11:51

I too meant it in the literal sense as Goldenhefalump says

NellythePink · 27/03/2018 11:52

I've never understood the 'but people will use it as contraception' argument. They just wouldn't! Medical terminations are uncomfortable and unpleasant, and surgical terminations require a general anaesthetic. Nobody in their right mind would put themselves through an abortion as an alternative to taking the pill/using a condom.

MsGameandWatching · 27/03/2018 11:54

It should be a totally routine, on demand procedure, with opt in for counselling or further discussion if required. It's not for anyone else to decide how affected a woman is by her own pregnancy in her own body. Women can handle it however they choose and shouldn't be told they need to be taking it more seriously or be judged for it.

PinkAvocado · 27/03/2018 11:56

To add to MsGame, women should also not be told to take it less seriously because it is only like having a tooth out.

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