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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 12:21

Counselling should be readily available to women. Termination can be traumatic and affect women for their rest of their lives. I’m not saying that it doesn’t.
I just want the access to abortion to be straightforward and viewed as something not be ashamed of.

OP posts:
BillStickersIsInnocent · 27/03/2018 12:21

I don’t think the two are comparable but agree abortions need to be easier to access. I had a termination a couple of years ago - another pregnancy would be a disaster for my existing children and for me. Naively I thought it would be straight forward.
My GP refused to refer me on religious grounds. I found it really hard to get answers and find the right clinic - lots of phone calls and being directed to the wrong place and confusion about what clinic offered what service. The whole thing was clouded in shame and misinformation.
I was in my mid 30s, confident and with a supportive family but found the whole experience distressing, in addition to my feelings about ending a pregnancy. Heaven knows how women without that support navigate the system.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 12:23

The two doctor rule is a fucking affront to women’s autonomy.

OP posts:
Underparmummy · 27/03/2018 12:24

fuzzyduck - not really a life changing decision in the grand scheme of things. HAVING the baby would be a life changing decision.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 27/03/2018 12:27

Everyone is entitled to their own reactions to having an abortion. It would be rather silly though to assume that everyone should share your reaction, or that your reaction is in some way 'better' than anothers.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 12:29

I agree saoirise31.

OP posts:
Fuzzyduck0 · 27/03/2018 12:32

Queen, I think few would disagree with saors. The reason why you're getting yabu responses is the comparison that you've now said wasn't what you meant but wrote in your title

Fuzzyduck0 · 27/03/2018 12:33

*Saoirse, apologies!

Chienrouge · 27/03/2018 12:34

I completely agree with Thimpu and have been in the same situation. I haven’t told anyone about my medical abortion in case of judgement. I feel no guilt, it was absolutely the right decision for my family and I have never regretted it even once. However I don’t think I could articulate that to anyone in real life without being judged.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 12:37

Ok, maybe I worded my OP clumsily.
Hope you understand what I mean.

OP posts:
knottybeams · 27/03/2018 12:37

@Evangelina that's how the copper coil works, the pill works by preventing egg release from the ovary.

Thimpu · 27/03/2018 12:40

The two doctor rule is a fucking affront to women’s autonomy

I agree with this completely.

WorldofTofuness · 27/03/2018 12:46

Nobody in their right mind would put themselves through an abortion as an alternative to taking the pill/using a condom.

Probably not if conception was 100% guaranteed without contraception use, ie flat "use a condom now or definitely have an unwanted pregnancy". However, as the chance of conceiving on any given occasion is well under (0-10% ish depending), to the extent that it occurs its a different metric.

I saw a documentary a few years ago about efforts to tackle the AIDS epidemic in S. African mining camps. The men went to an education session where they were told about the risks and the importance of using condoms, and given armfuls to take away. Sample bloke talked to on exit: "So do you think you will use condoms now?" "Nowhybecause it doesn't feel as nice." Given that the chance of catching HIV from a bout of unprotected sex in SA is probably the same as randomly getting pregnantand having AIDS is worse than having an abortionclearly there are people 'happy' to take risks.

Evengalina · 27/03/2018 12:48

@knottybeams

The pill works in two ways. It first works to prevent an egg leaving the ovary but occasionally this doesn’t not happen and so the second function is to prevent a fertilised egg from attaching.

Mightymucks · 27/03/2018 12:50

evangelina, you’re thinking of the morning after pill. That’s a common misconception and I thought that until recently but it’s not true.

DBoo · 27/03/2018 12:59

I know a few women that have had 3+ abortions. All single / short term relationships who abort because the fathers aren't interested and I'm assuming the pregnancies are a surprise. I think that's close to abortion as contraception as these women either weren't on the pill or not bothering to take it properly on all occasions.

I think people should be able to access the procedure as easily as they like and in my circle of friends we could talk openly about it with no judgement.

That being said, it's not the same as having a tooth out. My first pregnancy ended in mmc which wouldn't pass on its own. I was given the medication people are given for an abortion and almost died and required emergency surgery. It's not quite as simple as popping a couple of tablets.

InTheRoseGarden · 27/03/2018 13:06

Yes YABU. Ending a life/potential life (however you want to view it) should not be viewed in that way: as though that life were worthless. Awful and sad thought and I'm glad most people are saying YABU even if they are pro-abortion.

Evengalina · 27/03/2018 13:06

@Mightymucks

This is from the NHS website:

The pill prevents the ovaries from releasing an egg each month (ovulation). It also:

thickens the mucus in the neck of the womb, so it is harder for sperm to penetrate the womb and reach an egg

thins the lining of the womb, so there is less chance of a fertilised egg implanting into the womb and being able to grow

ThymeLord · 27/03/2018 13:08

I didn't claim to be speaking for everyone. I clearly used the word personally in my post Confused

YellowFlower201 · 27/03/2018 13:19

YABVU.

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 27/03/2018 13:24

That's not close to using abortion as contraception, dboo because it's still impossible for an abortion to function as a contraceptive.

DragonMummy1418 · 27/03/2018 13:25

One is a tooth.
The other is a human being.
Yavvvvvu.

FromageRay · 27/03/2018 13:27

Hefalump, it wasn't a life changing decision for me.
Unquestionably, my life would have changed had I continued with the pregnancy but the termination meant that my life didn't change.

Thimpu · 27/03/2018 13:28

One is a tooth.
The other is a human being.
Yavvvvvu.

@DragonMummy1418

I think this is the crux of the issue and why there'll never be consensus on a thread like this. Some people will say YABU and some people will say YANBU because some people see the zygote/embryo/foetus as a human being and others don't.