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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
Fuzzyduck0 · 27/03/2018 13:29

Frontage, that's the definition Of a life changing decision...

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2018 13:29

Women react very differently to abortions and the same woman can feel very differently about her own abortions at different stages in her life. Nobody is denying anyone the right to be upset by an abortion.

That does not detract from the fact that abortion should be safe, quick and easy to access. And should be regarded as a medical procedure like any other with no externally applied stigma or moral judgement.

DragonMummy1418 · 27/03/2018 13:31

Thimpu

I don't suppose there ever would be a consensus but to some people it is a big deal, to others it isn't so each to their own.
'Downgrading' it's importance generally is unfair on those who are upset / traumatised by it.

lookingforaline18 · 27/03/2018 13:33

Making abortion out to be a big, life changing decision is bound to women feel like they are doing something huge/bad. I think it's actually society's hysterical views about it being "murder" that makes women feel guilty/suicidal etc... not the procedure itself.

Maybe if people put less thought in to what women/other women do with their own bodies, then women would be able to carry on with their lives as normal. Because why the hell shouldn't they be able to?

OohMavis · 27/03/2018 13:33

Yabu, it isn't comparable.

There shouldn't be judgment and guilt heaped upon women who've needed an abortion, you're right. But being blasé about something that can have a real, deep psychological impact on someone isn't right.

Walkaboutwendy · 27/03/2018 13:38

Completely agree with InTheRoseGarden

It's a potential life you are talking about not a tooth! It's an uncomfortable fact to face but it is the reality. Women have the right to chose but sugar coating the process doesn't change the outcome. A potential life is removed.

If a woman makes that choice then that is her choice. The two doctor rule is a safeguard for those pressured into it. You might not have been but others are.

Thimpu · 27/03/2018 13:42

@DragonMummy1418

'Downgrading' it's importance generally is unfair on those who are upset / traumatised by it

And "upgrading" its importance (or assuming it's a ubiquitously traumatic experience for women) is unfair on those who aren't upset/ traumatized by it as we have no way of having open, honest conversations about abortion without it being wrapped up in issues of guilt/emotion/shame/judgement.

There needs to be a middle-grounded where access to abortion is easy, simply and judgement-free. Women who see it as similar to a tooth extraction can just get it done then feel no shame at all in telling people about it and women who are upset by it have access to appropriate support and counselling.

lookingforaline18 · 27/03/2018 13:49

*'Downgrading' it's importance generally is unfair on those who are upset / traumatised by it"

I disagree. Downgrading it would help to take away the societal stigma that women have to face before and afterwards. Making abortion out to be a big deal only adds to the upset that women feel.

Snorkpod · 27/03/2018 13:53

YABU.
I am very pro choice however, an abortion is NOT the same as having a tooth out.

It shouldn't be something that "needs" to be kept a secret but equally it is very serious and the potential psychological impact should not be treated lightly.

BertrandRussell · 27/03/2018 13:54

The procedure should be quick, safe easily accessible and completely devoid of emotion and moral judgement. What emotion each individual woman brings to it is a matter for her and her alone. Nothing to do with the state, the medical establishment or the church.

ilikebread · 27/03/2018 13:57

I went with my friend who had her abortion. It was all very straight forward. No judgement from anyone there. She had two appointments, first to have a chat and take the first pill, second to take the second pill. It was all over in a couple of days.

ghostyslovesheets · 27/03/2018 13:57

agree OP and you Bertrand

as for using it as contraception - well apart from that being impossible - if women have multiple terminations that's their business not mine - better than multiple unwanted kids

Astrid2 · 27/03/2018 14:23

An abortion is a surgical procedure with the associated risks, that essentially removes a human life from your body. Having a tooth out doesn't really compare. No one should feel ashamed if that's what they have to do but I don't think it should be made to be easy and common place.

Chienrouge · 27/03/2018 14:28

An abortion is a surgical procedure with the associated risks

I had a medical abortion. No surgery required.

Original poster
QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 14:31

BertrandRussell

*Women react very differently to abortions and the same woman can feel very differently about her own abortions at different stages in her life. Nobody is denying anyone the right to be upset by an abortion.

That does not detract from the fact that abortion should be safe, quick and easy to access. And should be regarded as a medical procedure like any other with no externally applied stigma or moral judgement.*

You’ve put what I meant a lot more eloquently. Agree entirely.

OP posts:
Astrid2 · 27/03/2018 14:35

Fair point @Chienrouge

What I suppose I mean is it shouldn't be treated too nonchalantly because it's still a medical procedure that can have profound effects on woman even if they don't think it will. Of course it shouldn't be a stigma or something to be ashamed of however while cosmetic surgeries are still causing differing opinions and causing judgement, I don't think the feelings some feel towards abortion will change.

NFATR · 27/03/2018 14:37

One is a life changing decision, the other affects whether you can chew better/worse

It's not a life changing decision at all. It's literally a NOT changing your life (by having a baby) decision.

An abortion is a surgical procedure with the associated risks, that essentially removes a human life from your body

It's non surgical for the majority, and its not a human life. It should be easy, its already commonplace.

Dipitydoda · 27/03/2018 14:43

No. The 2 things are very different whether you like it or not. It’s open to people to view it that way themselves if it helps but for many women this has been a very difficult decision, many of whom view the pregnancy as a baby already. To tell those women “it’s like having a tooth out” is awful. By implication you would al be telling women who had an early miscarriage don’t worry it’s no worse than a tooth falling out!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 27/03/2018 14:43

But it isn't just a bog standard procedure and referring to it as one would make it sound like an acceptable form of birth control.*

It is an acceptable form of birth control.

AlishaMary · 27/03/2018 14:44

Access to NHS abortion services in my area is a joke.

Trip to gp.

Two week wait for referral.

Trip to city 20miles away for counselling appointment.

Trip to different city 30 miles away for first part of medical abortion.

Trip back to city for second part the next day.

How is that accessible to vulnerable women? Women who don’t have money for transport? Women who work full time? Women who don’t want their husbands to know?

OP I agree with you.

NFATR · 27/03/2018 14:46

t’s open to people to view it that way themselves if it helps but for many women this has been a very difficult decision, many of whom view the pregnancy as a baby already

Then surely you'd agree with OP that if those women are finding it hard the very last thing they need is judgement and guilt from society?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 27/03/2018 15:39

Having a tooth out is very painful, especially if your scared of the dentist, might even have to have a aesthetic. But I didn't go around telling people I had one pulled.

If I happen to get pregnant I should be able to make an appointment and pop down to clinic to get it sorted. It shouldn't be a big deal, its not a baby.

MissDuke · 27/03/2018 16:13

NFATR and Walking, just out of interest, when is it a baby/human then in your opinion? I am a midwife and yet still struggle to answer this question Confused Just curious what your opinion is as you both mention it not being so in a first trimester abortion.

The procedure should be quick, safe easily accessible and completely devoid of emotion and moral judgement. What emotion each individual woman brings to it is a matter for her and her alone. Nothing to do with the state, the medical establishment or the church
Very well said Smile

feelinggoodinspring · 27/03/2018 16:32

when is it a baby/human then in your opinion?

I think there is a potential human being in the first trimester. I certainly don't see it as a baby at such an early stage. I'm not sure when I would say it becomes a human though.

But a potential human being isn't the same as an actual human being.

Mydoghatesthebath · 27/03/2018 16:36

I see your point op but think it is what it is for each individual women.

I think though it should be easily accessabke on request? non judge and exclusion zones around them and any bastard found with a placard or hassling women should be immediately arrested and charged with harassment.

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