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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish that going for a first trimester abortion was seen like have a tooth out?

477 replies

QueenArseClangers · 27/03/2018 11:26

Without all the societal guilt and judgement heaped upon women?
I really wished it was viewed as a bog standard procedure, I’m sure women would feel a lot more in control of their reproductive health if it was.

OP posts:
Mydoghatesthebath · 29/03/2018 12:04

Happy to discuss too as long as the absolute premise remains that a woman’s right to her bodily autonomy is not up for discussion. That’s an absolute right enshrined in this country and please God our Irish sisters will gain that right soon too.

Mydoghatesthebath · 29/03/2018 12:13

Room

Agree that’s absolutkry the point of the thread. Having an abortion should be regarded by society as a a completely sensible and responsible choice any woman may choose to make.

Sadly in society women are judged what ever choice they make so that helps keep the silence, that and the strident pro birthers of course

TooManyMiles · 29/03/2018 12:15

NO you are not allowed to have an opinion on whether I PERSONALLY feel it is a matter of ethics or not.

Surely someone can have an opinion about an opinion, YourWan.
Opinions abut opinions are unavoidable.
That does not mean that a counter opinion has the power of a veto. It just is what it is .

MsGameandWatching · 29/03/2018 12:27

You can of course have an opinion and I in turn can totally disregard your thoughts and marvel that some random thinks they can have a judgmental opinion on the medical choices I make for myself.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 12:34

Surely someone can have an opinion about an opinion, YourWan

No, you can't hold an opinion on what my opinion is! If I say I don't X, you cannot tell me that I do.

Well you can I suppose, but it makes you a giant tit if you do. Why do people here think you can tell people they don't hold the opinions that they say they do?

Viviennemary · 29/03/2018 12:46

But you can hold an opinion on what my opinion is on your opinion. Confused

BertrandRussell · 29/03/2018 12:49

People can have any opinion they like - and if they wish express it at an appropriate time and place. But not at the time and place where a woman is accessing legal medical treatment.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 12:51

But you can hold an opinion on what my opinion is on your opinion. confused

Wow, it just gets worse.

You can't tell me that my opinion is not what I say it is.
If I say I think X, you can't say no you don't you think Y because everyone thinks Y.

Honest to fuck my toddler gets this. I can't think of smaller words to use. I have hand puppets, do you need those?

Topaz89 · 29/03/2018 14:31

Agree that’s absolutkry the point of the thread. Having an abortion should be regarded by society as a a completely sensible and responsible choice any woman may choose to make.

I agree. Instead women are called selfish/irresponsible. Actually, abortion can be a very selfless and highly responsible thing to do. No woman ever wants to fall pregnant and have an abortion, but sometimes it happens and it is the hardest decision a woman will ever have to make for the greater good.

Sadly in society women are judged what ever choice they make so that helps keep the silence, that and the strident pro birthers of course

Women get judged if they have an abortion, if they have "too many kids", if they have children young, if they have children at and older age, if they don't have children at all.

So really, do what the fuck you want. People are going to judge anyway no matter what you do. I've heard the term "forced birthers" mentioned on here. I think that is a good term, but what really aggravates me is that they are probably the type of people to not give a shit once the baby is actually born and will judge a mum who is struggling.

flirtygirl · 29/03/2018 14:50

its not like getting a tooth out. I agree we should not judge others though and that goes for the judgement against women who dont agree with abortion.

I dont judge others who choose to have one and have dear family and friends who have made this decision but i do not agree with abortion per se and would not have one, however i am not walking in their shoes or living their lives, so i dont judge them for their decision so why am i judged for mine?

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 14:52

so why am i judged for mine

Your what?

TooManyMiles · 29/03/2018 15:19

No, you can't hold an opinion on what my opinion is! If I say I don't X, you cannot tell me that I do

I entirely agree that I cannot tell you what it is you/someone else thinks.
That if you say you are thinking X, I cannot tell you you are thinking Y.
But I can surely hold an opinion about X or Y.
I can also certainly hold an opinion on something that you/someone actually does.
Whether it is right or wrong that I do so, it is just something that most people will probably do, even if they keep their opinion to themselves.

YourWanMajella · 29/03/2018 15:31

But I can surely hold an opinion about X or Y

Of course you can. That was not my point though, which was made abundantly clear.

Someone said that it IS an ethical decision, objectively, for everyone. I said it is not for me and was repeatedly told that I was wrong. No one can say that. It really doesn't matter if every other person on the planet sees it as an ethical decision, if I do not then I do not and thats all there is to it!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/03/2018 17:44

I'm not sure why what people study at University has any bearing on a woman's personal choice. They can study the art of bogey picking for all I care, it's about as relevant to abortions as any ethics course is Hmm

feelinggoodinspring · 29/03/2018 18:12

Cherry Grin To be honest I would rather listen to students talk about bogey picking rather than abortion.

ReversingSnail · 29/03/2018 21:50

If a woman is enabled to have an abortion by the medical profession when she has decided on one, that is ethical. I find it unethical when people try to stop women having a choice. There is no good reason for "ethical reasons" to only apply in one direction.

headstone · 29/03/2018 22:00

Mydoghatesthebath If having an abortion is seen as the sensible and responsible thing to do by society if some has an unwanted pregnancy, what happens to the women who choose to carry on the pregnancy ?Are they now deemed even more irresponsible?

Topaz89 · 29/03/2018 22:47

No of course not and nobody has said that. Both decisions are responsible decisions. A woman who keeps her baby is responsible and a woman who decides to have an abortion is responsible too. Neither decision is wrong and it is a very personal choice. Who are we to judge?
Hence my comment about that people should just do whatever they want because people are going to judge anyway no matter what. If you want to keep your baby, keep it. If you want to have an abortion, have one! Screw society and what they think.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/03/2018 22:54

Here's something ethical - let's trust women to make the right decisions for themselves.

Flutterbyeee · 29/03/2018 22:55

Tooth???

YourWanMajella · 30/03/2018 00:30

If having an abortion is seen as the sensible and responsible thing to do by society if some has an unwanted pregnancy, what happens to the women who choose to carry on the pregnancy ?Are they now deemed even more irresponsible?

No. If you choose not to end and unwanted pregnancy it becomes a wanted pregnancy. That is the choice you make. Making the best choice for your own situation is the responsible choice.

headstone · 30/03/2018 07:12

I don't think it does suddenly become a wanted pregnancy as soon as a women decided not to abort. All of the same issues are still there .Obviously women's choices are at the heart of the abortion debate and are why abortions are allowed. I would be concerned by a societal shift that deemed abortion the equivalent of removing a wrotten tooth and the sensibly and responsible thing to do, I would worry about the pressure on women to abort if they weren't sure and the lack of support for children born into difficult circumstances.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 30/03/2018 08:01

I don't think it does suddenly become a wanted pregnancy as soon as a women decided not to abort

Absolutely not your call. Keep your beak out of women's reproductive systems

BoomBoomsCousin · 31/03/2018 05:54

...and the lack of support for children born into difficult circumstances.

I don't think it's hard to separate out a belief that abortion is the sensible thing to do in the case of unwanted pregnancy from a belief that we should support children born into difficult circumstances. It is easy enough for the pro-life side to support the idea that aborting is a terrible way to treat a potential life while giving no support to life once it is born. I'm certainly capable of switching that whole shitstorm of a moral compass on its head.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 31/03/2018 06:03

No. Because a lot of women don’t do it lightly and give it serious thought and consideration before deciding what is right for them.

And a lot of that is down to the guilt placed on them, the idea that they should see it as a serious decision.

Personally I hold the weird-sounding but logical opinion that anyone who isn’t a vegan has no right passing judgement on another woman’s abortion.