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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I feel guilty enough without people telling me 'you must be mad'

171 replies

Bippitybopityboo · 26/03/2018 22:08

Im 9 weeks from my due date with DD1.
DS will be a month off 2 when she is born, we weren't 'trying' for another so soon but always said we wanted 2 children and if it happened it happened.
I now feel unbelievably guilty on D'S that were having another baby when he won't really know what's going on, literally have tears in my eyes writing this.
I know it's going to be hard and DS as wonderful as he is, Is a real handful at the moment.
I am the 1st out of my group of friends to have a second child and I have recently had a lot of comments from some of them saying we must be mad to consider another so soon and that were making things really difficult for ourselves by having such a small age gap.

AIBU to think I'm not that 'mad' thankyou!
And aibu to ask for any tips you may have for the hard times ahead. I was so happy to be having this baby and now I just feel extremely anxious and guilty!

OP posts:
DairyisClosed · 26/03/2018 22:10

Mine gave a similar age gap. My eldest absolutely adored the new baby. He definitely knew what was going on. He was very loving and gentle and would also bring toys to share with the baby etc. He lived the baby more than he lived me without a shadow of a doubt. You will be fine.

AntsMarching · 26/03/2018 22:11

It’s a brilliant age gap! Mine are 2 years and 5 days apart. They are the best of friends and play really well together. The first year was tough, but totally manageable. Your DS won’t remember being an only child and the new baby doesn’t do much for the first six months or so, so the older child still gets a lot of attention.

Mightymucks · 26/03/2018 22:12

Same gap between me and my brother and it was really nice growing up together with someone so close in age. Always had company and someone to play with.

RandomMess · 26/03/2018 22:13

It isn't a particularly small gap???

Just keep life simple, don't have high expectations of going out as about etc.

WhitneyHoustonsbathtub · 26/03/2018 22:13

This reply has been deleted

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1Strawberry · 26/03/2018 22:13

Agree with pps, 21 months between my first 2 and they are the best of friends, oldest now 6 and they spend a lot of the day in their own little world playing together!

rabbitsandrhubarb · 26/03/2018 22:14

I have a smaller age gap - 19 months. It was fine - hard work whilst they are both still in nappies, but great once the baby is a toddler and they are able to play together, as previous poster has said, your DS wont remember being an only child. My mum had a similar gap, and said she thought it was easier to have two closer together because they like doing similar things at similar ages.

Isthisnameacceptable01 · 26/03/2018 22:14

Two years is average for an age gap. Congratulations

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 26/03/2018 22:15

I thought this was the average age gap so definitely wouldn’t say you’re mad. I have 2 1/2 years between my two and that feels massive, I wish they’d been closer

shirt · 26/03/2018 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quoted a deleted post.

Babdoc · 26/03/2018 22:15

There’s only 16 months between my kids! It really isn’t a problem, you’re worrying about nothing. They’ll be able to play together and enjoy the same kind of outings and activities instead of being years apart and wanting totally different things. You’ll get the tiring baby/toddler stage over in one fell swoop, too, instead of having to go through it all again separately when DS1 is starting to be civilised!

Notonthestairs · 26/03/2018 22:15

17 months between my two. They are growing up together and haven't really known life without the other. They fight, bicker, etc but they also can rub along brilliantly. It's lovely.
There is no perfect age gap.

Lancelottie · 26/03/2018 22:15

That’s an absolutely big standard gap between children, surely? Certainly applies to most of our friends.

Bloody awful in the combined Alevel plus GCSE year, but you’ve a while before you need worry about that one!

StillMedusa · 26/03/2018 22:15

Ha... 23 months gap mad? Heaven knows what that makes me...

I had 13 months between no 1 and no 2.... and then 13m later had no 3.... so three babies in two years 3 months!!

It was fine..and in many ways a LOT easier than a bigger gap! Toddler group with all of them happy to go, they followed each other going to playgroup, then nursery, I toilet trained no 1 and the other two basically saw her using the potty and copied! Built in entertainment for each other... the wonderful shared excitement of Christmas Eve...

And now they are adults...26,25 and 24 and are great friends (girl.boy.girl( and very close.

And I had a 4th 3 years later Grin

It will be absolutely fine!

(I won't mention the teenage years.... Shock

MrsFogi · 26/03/2018 22:16

Not mad at all - it is an amazing age gap (I have 21 months between mine). Whilst you will go through a bit of a hellish period at the beginning it will all be worth it when your two are playing together for hours whilst you have your feet up and all your friends with a bigger gap are run ragged starting out on the newborn thing again and later when they have a gap that means they won't disappear for a looooong time. Keep your eye on the long game - you will be the only one with time for Wine Brew and Cake

Lancelottie · 26/03/2018 22:16

Siiiigh. Bog standard, not big.

SnowiestMountain · 26/03/2018 22:16

Mine are 2 years less 5 weeks apart, so 23 months ish, it's an absolutely brilliant age gap! The best of friends, like similar things, they don't really remember a time when the other one wasn't there, we love it and I'm sure you will too!

FittonTower · 26/03/2018 22:17

Same age gap as my two, its really not that unusual and nothing to feel guilty about.
And people say things like "you must be mad" just to make conversation and if they're not saying it about a small age gap its "you must be mad" about starting again when you have a 5/6/7 year old child.
Ignore. And don't feel guilty.

SnowiestMountain · 26/03/2018 22:18

Well that's a weird comment Whitney Hmm

MelvinThePenguin · 26/03/2018 22:18

Not mad at all.

20 months between my brother and me. Fine.

23.5 months between DD1 and DD2. Just what I wanted. DD1 barely flinched when her sister came home. We’d talked about it lots and baby had a name before she arrived. DD1 was referring to things as “DD2’s bed” etc. before she’d even arrived.

I made huge efforts not to disrupt DD1’s routine (playgroup when DD2 was 2 days old, DH taking DD to swimming class etc.) It was hard work, but it really paid off.

Original poster
Bippitybopityboo · 26/03/2018 22:18

Aw I think im abit emotional at the minute as some of the replies have me sat reading them bloody crying Blush
He is more than enough for us, I'm an only child and DH had a small age gap with his brother that they loved, its not about DS not being enough we just always wanted 2 and it happened quickly it's only now I'm feeling awfully guilty!

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 26/03/2018 22:18

22 months gap in mine. The best bit was synchronised afternoon naps!

Looking back, my oldest grew up too quickly. Make sure you ‘baby’ them both.

It is a great gap.

Scarydinosaurs · 26/03/2018 22:19

I’ve done that age gap twice! Deliberately! Best thing ever. Love the gap because they are so close and easy to go places together. You’re going to love it.

ILoveDolly · 26/03/2018 22:19

I have a similar gap between my second and third child. It's fine but first few years are a little hectic.

LastOneDancing · 26/03/2018 22:19

I have the same age gap - 23 months between my boys.

I felt terrible, terrible guilt at first, but honestly, the love they share and the joy they find in each other (alongside the squabbles!) far, far outweighs the initial changes.

DS1 says he can't remember life without his little brother. He is very insistent that DS2 comes with him and was beside himself with excitement last week when DS2 turbed 2 and joined his preschool. DS1 is the first person my youngest wants to see each morning & they love each other very much.

I had a lot of 'you're crazy' comments too, BUT the same people have sibce commented that I did the right thing (if there is such a thing, you do what's best for your family at that time) and they wish they'd gone for the 2 year gap as (in their opinion) it's harder on the first child the later you leave it.

You will find your way - my only top tip is if you have an appointment, start getting ready for the day as soon as you get up - dress the kids at first nappy change, give yourself 2 hours when you think you'll need 1!! A poonami or surprise feed can throw it all off.
Good luck and enjoy how easy having a newborn is compared to a toddler and a bump Wink

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