To think I feel guilty enough without people telling me 'you must be mad'

[Bippitybopityboo]

Im 9 weeks from my due date with DD1.
DS will be a month off 2 when she is born, we weren't 'trying' for another so soon but always said we wanted 2 children and if it happened it happened.
I now feel unbelievably guilty on D'S that were having another baby when he won't really know what's going on, literally have tears in my eyes writing this.
I know it's going to be hard and DS as wonderful as he is, Is a real handful at the moment.
I am the 1st out of my group of friends to have a second child and I have recently had a lot of comments from some of them saying we must be mad to consider another so soon and that were making things really difficult for ourselves by having such a small age gap.

AIBU to think I'm not that 'mad' thankyou!
And aibu to ask for any tips you may have for the hard times ahead. I was so happy to be having this baby and now I just feel extremely anxious and guilty!

I had all three of my DC in 2.5 years! So by the time my DS was two and a half he’d welcomed two little sisters (and no, not twins!) The ‘got your hands full’ and ‘you’re mad!’ comments happened often and in fact I still occasionally get them when people find out the age gap (my current manager said “Christ didn’t you have a TV?”) . It’s just part of the parcel really. Two years is a fairly average age gap I’d say, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. My DC are incredibly close.

Of course you’re made - we all are

Any child makes a parent absolutely crackers !!

Pregnancy hormones do not help - I was walking along holding hands with my two DS’s chatting about new brother/sister when I got an overwhelming fear... I’ve got two hands and I’ll have 3 kids 😱 even mentioned to dh I’d have to grow a tail for one to hold??!! pregnancy hormones make us think some funny things !!

FWIW- had DS3 5 months ago and his brothers ADORE him! Speaking as an only child a sibling is something I wished for every birthday so it’s a lovely gift for your little one

Oh gosh! There's 23 months between mine and both were planned. I remember feeling worried I wouldn't love the younger one as much as his brother (a worry which was totally unnecessary) but I never felt guilty. As an only child myself I was desperate for my eldest to have a sibling and to have someone to grow up with and share all of the memories with. I also wanted to have more than one so they would have each other when myself and DH get old and the inevitable happens! (Morbid I know but hey ho). Years later I am beyond glad I did because although they fight like cat and dog, they are best friends and love each other fiercely. It was definitely a good thing having a small gap

I would have loved two, it wasn't to be though! Please, please stop feeling guilty and please, please just start feeling really lucky. Enjoy your bundles!

It's a lovely age gap. My eldest 2 are 22 months apart and they are the best of friends. They are 11 and 9 now.

Small age gap here too and it's fab. A lot of my friends who had 3-4 gaps between their dc found there was a fair bit of sibling rivalry, but with ours there was never any element of that. Only downside now is when they "use teamwork to defeat mummy"! 🙄

Congratulations! Ignore the negative comments from people, it’s not worth your time. Mine are just under a year apart and they are thick as thieves. As soon as the baby is here and your son has had a few days to adjust he won’t remember a time without his partner in crime!

Very similar age gap here too. My eldest is now 27, they are both close and always have been.
I asked dd about what she remembered about the time around her siblings birth.
She says she can’t remember a time before the birth, but does remember coming with dh to the hospital and seeing the baby.
She recalled being excited and finding a present with her photograph and name on in the crib and giving the baby a teddy she had chosen with dh and it making her feel very important.

She was glad we had told her babies were boring, everyone else had said she was getting a new baby to play with. Apparently this prepared her for reality! ( don’t know how much of this is her reasoning in hindsight 😀)
I remember her “talking” to my bump and “reading” to the baby as I bf. she seemed to enjoy being very grown up and fetching things to help.

I was one of three born in three years. I love my sisters to bits and we're all super close because of the small age gap.

Exactly the same age gap that we will have #1 will be 23 months when #2 is born if due dates are correct.

You're giving your kid a sibling. That's not going to take anything away from #1, it's going to make his life better- he's going to have a playmate, learn social skills/negotiation skills/patience. Its a gift for him, not a curse, but it might take some adjustment at first!

I have 27 months between mine - it's great. Yes, I felt the guilt too and they are a little bewildered at first but they get used to it!!

Congratulations and enjoy

I meant 17 months

I felt very guilty going from 1 to 2 and there was three years between them

2 and 3 have 17 months between them and they have all played beautifully together. Dd was very fond of her baby brother

She kept hugging hin (head lock) and talking to him (shrieking 'alright' down his ear every few minutes)

Kid had a startle reflex til he was 2

I did tell ds1 once that although dd was irritating that he would never be as unconditionally loved and adored at the same level again

A sibling can be one of the greatest gifts you can give a child...in my opinion obviously

(Although i would be lying if i didnt say that some days i wondered what had possessed me to have more than 1)

Good luck and congrats OP

Awh you're not mad darling! Me and my brother are 2 years 1 day apart and we get on very well. I'm sure your son will adapt well x

She kept hugging hin (head lock) and talking to him (shrieking 'alright' down his ear every few minutes)

Kid had a startle reflex til he was 2

Haha this ^^ they are hilarious. I'm pretty convinced il he paying for my babies therapy in his 30s because of his crazy big brothers over love, terrifying lol.

mustang

Absolutely right

OP is in for some lovely times

If it wasn't outing i woukd post a professional picture of the three of them with ds2 looking terrified

I think the closer the gap the better. My older sister is 18 months from me and we get on amazingly well. The youngest is 7 years younger and we get on fine, but she’s always struggling to catch up and is developing a complex about it.

2 years isnt too bad an age gap. We were aiming for that between my 2 but it took a year ttc so they have a 3 yr age gap.

I think that’s quite a standard gap in my experience?

It actually makes a lot of sense having them close together (3 in 3 years here, 4 in 5 years). Certainly with the first two I had my babies together, and DC3 fitted so well into their routine life wasn’t as hard as I had expected.

Just because the norm is a baby and a toddler, doesn’t mean it’s the best. Two babies, a double buggy, two high chairs, it was completely manageable. Hard work, but manageable. I think a toddler and a baby is far harder.

But what I would say is try not to let the guilt over come you. I didn’t expect the immense guilt which overwhelmed me when DS1 met DS2. Suddenly my tiny baby looked like a hulking great toddler in that second. The guilt I carried did no one any good. It took longer to bold with DS2, and I wept for DS1. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I had realised that they were both my babies.

They are 15 and 16 now. They are practically men, but still my babies and I love them as much now as then.

You will be fine.

It’s the language that people use. I was told I was ‘mad’ and ‘mental’ when I was having my third. It really shook me!!

Now, I couldn’t care less. Other people are actually telling you that they’re not sure if THEY could cope. You know that YOU will cope!

Everyone’s situation is so different that there’s not really anything useful to come out of comparisons. We’re all individuals. Our kids are all individuals. Some people have more support around them. Some partnerships work better than others. As soon as I’d got my head around that, I felt a lot better. So what if you’re the first. You’ll not be the last.

Also, next time someone says you’re mad, look at them and say ‘harsh!’. They’ll not say it again.