AIBU to ask for help. I've got an email telling me DH has cheated

[ItsADilemma12345]

Posting here for traffic really. I got an email basically saying DH has cheated on me with a colleague from work. Nothing very specific in the email, it names the person he is supposed to have cheated on me with, and says it was at a work conference (he goes away every couple of months for work at weekends.). It also says it is meant to have happened before. The email was not from the person he is meant to have cheated on me with.

I haven't replied yet.

DH is not friends on FB with this person (unless she has blocked me, in which case I won't be able to check). I have searched FB for the email address I got the message from, but there's no account linked to it. Which suggests the person is using a different email from their regular email address.

DH is away working until Saturday so I wondered what you would do?

I think there are 3 possible explanations:
1 - he has cheated on me
2 - other woman has told people he has cheated on me with her
3 - someone is lying to me for their own reasons.

I am not sure why anyone would email this if they didn't think it was true? I have never thought he has cheated on me. He and the 'other woman' were away together a while ago, he told me she said some inappropriate things before they went (along the lines of "oooh, weekend away") which gave me the impression she was keen on him. He also told me she kept trying to tag along with him when he was doing things in the evening on his own, and he had to try and completely ignore her to give her the hint that he wanted to be left alone. However I have only heard this from his side of the story.

There was a work function a couple of years ago. I noticed this woman did not even acknowledge me, and DH got quite drunk and kept going over to where she was dancing (leaving me on my own with people I had just met that day). (I realise this sounds a bit like Love Actually, I promise it is true and not based on that film)

Also colleague has now left for another job so as far as I know they haven't been in touch. Also, for info, colleague is about 10 yrs younger, quite attractive.

To be clear, if it turns out he has cheated he is fully aware that our relationship would be over. So there is absolutely no way he will be honest with me if he has. I know he wants our relationship to continue.

We have 2 daughters aged 9 and 5.

Just wondered if anyone has been in this position - got a random email accusing their partner of cheating. What happened?

And what would you do in my position? Would you reply to the email? Not sure what I should say? or just confront DH when he gets home?

In my gut I don't think he has but I could just be being naïve.

Hmm, I don't know.

The fact that it was the woman that you had a gut feeling about, and his mentionitis, points to an affair.

BUT, it could also be that she wanted to have an affair with him, but he's rebuffed her, so she's thrown you the shit grenade (the email), because she knows it will cause problems and possibly break up your marriage. If she can't have him, why should you?

The trouble is, having asked him, and if he IS having an affair, he's going to be very careful to cover his tracks from now on.

If she'd wanted an affair and he'd rebuffed her, surely he would've just said that, instead of all the elaborate stuff he came out with.

And I agree, my supervisor wouldn't be the first person I'd ring in that situation. Partly because it's so unprofessional and partly because they are probably least likely to have heard rumours anyway.

But if you've accepted what he's said (I don't think you have really) then you have to go along with that I guess.

I would want to confirm that the number he messaged was actually the supervisor, and not a friend or the OW saved under supervisor's name in his phone. I'm ashamed to say that I once cheated on a boyfriend, and I am aware of the devious and oftentimes unimaginable lengths a cheater will go to to hide the truth. This sort of elaborate rouse is not that far-fetched. I would also wonder if DH has had a word with whoever sent the email (perhaps he has an idea of who it is).

Are you really sure that it's the woman you are suspecting? It could be someone totally different?
I'm sorry to say but I think his reaction sounds a bit suspicious to me. I don't think I would be crying if I was accused of something like that. I would be shocked and trying desperately to get to the bottom of it and who sent the email.

I really hope your gut instinct is right though and sorry that this has happened.

Shamelessly placemarking.

I hope everything works out ok Dilemma x

Placemarking? This is someone's life not a fucking parking thread.

Placemarking? Do you also take popcorn to funerals?

What's wrong with clicking 'Watch this thread?'

Well she did admit to being shameless

It’s AIBU surely ? People love a drama and a story always have and always will - as evidenced by the posts

She was just being honest

Why not just hit "watch" if you want to follow it - you get updates etc and it's less like using someone's personal crisis as entertainment

Could it be the partner of the woman that has mailed you? I know 2 people where this has happened and the woman found out her husband had cheated and messaged the ‘other womans’ husband telling him his wife was cheating but from a made up address, so that he would do some digging himself and find out the truth. It worked.
I really feel for you and want to give you a hug xx

I would want to confirm that the number he messaged was actually the supervisor, and not a friend or the OW saved under supervisor's name in his phone.

This. I'm also still thinking it's quite a coincidence he came home early. There's something about all of this that doesn't quite add up. It's like he was too prepared for the chat.