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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

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236 replies

HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:10

I will try not to make this long winded...

I have been friendly with a couple for a few years now. I coincidentally went to school with the husband and we went on two or three "dates" when we were about 15, I then ended up working with him after university many years later so i knew him first but now we regularly do things together as couples and I am very close with his wife.

A few weeks ago he called at ours after work to borrow some tools from my OH. His wife was away for work so I invited him to stay for dinner. All very normal. My OH went out to play football and he stayed to watch the end of a film we had put on after dinner. He then randomly starts a conversation along the lines of "do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we had stayed together...." Completely out of nowhere. I asked if everything was OK with his wife etc etc and we had a chat before he left.

fast forward to yesterday and his wife sends me a message saying she can't believe I wouldn't tell her if her husband was trying to cheat on her...I phoned her to try and figure it all out and she says that she had always thought I held a torch for him and that they concocted this plan for him to come onto me (which actually I really don't think you can say he did) to see whether I would tell her?

Tell me this isn't the most bizarre thing you've ever heard? What is the appropriate response to this? I was just on the phone with my mouth open and no idea what to say.

OP posts:
WeeM · 26/03/2018 16:58

Jeez, I’m not really sure where you can go after that. Which is sad as you say if everything’s been fine til now. Just make sure you get the power tools back...

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:58

My OH was there when I got the message and I really hope he wouldn't be persuaded by this weirdness...

OP posts:
Bexter801 · 26/03/2018 16:59

It's not going to resolve at all,if you continue being friends.

Terftastic · 26/03/2018 16:59

That is definitely not normal.

I would never construe what he said to you as a come on, not at all. Jeez.

I would probably text her back "I didn't realise he was trying to cheat on you..." but in general I have have no time for the drama llamas of the world.

sonjadog · 26/03/2018 17:00

I think I´d just go for "Please don't make me a pawn in your games" and refuse to engage further in the conversation.

Eveforever · 26/03/2018 17:02

Only you know if you can forget about and forgive this weird behaviour and, you never know, maybe it's a one off. If it were me I'd be taking a step back from this couple. I've got my own shit to deal with at the moment, so I most definitely don't need friends that try and make shit up for drama, entertainment or kicks. You ask what you should say to them, that totally depends on what put outcome you're looking for?

diddl · 26/03/2018 17:02

"she had always thought I held a torch for him and that they concocted this plan for him to come onto me (which actually I really don't think you can say he did) to see whether I would tell her?"

To me that is just so fucked up on both their parts that I just wouldn't want anything more to do with the & I'd be thinking that I hadn't actually ever known them!

heateallthebuns · 26/03/2018 17:02

That is so weird no way you can be friends with them anymore

Karigan1 · 26/03/2018 17:03

Wtf. So he watched a film and had dinner? Did he flirt? Other than the dobyou ever wonder did you talk about getting together. If not I think you need to send a text along the lines of ‘if that was flirting it’s a miracle you two are together and your husband definitely needs to up his game. Didnt realise it was anything more than a chat as the film finished. Finished with lots of laughing emojis.

The next part would depend if you want to stay friends or not but personally I would finish it by saying I don’t like being tested and neither of them were to contact you again.

Lonesurvivor · 26/03/2018 17:04

Doesn't matter who came up with the plan they are both as mad as each other. I would not be seeing them again.

sparklepops123 · 26/03/2018 17:05

So he gets fed and borrows stuff and then does that !?run for the hills they’re both Confused

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 17:05

it's so boggling how little you know people! He's just text to say sorry for the drama, do you want to come to us for easter sunday...ummm....no?

OP posts:
Shockers · 26/03/2018 17:06

I think I’d reply with, ‘Eh? Confused’

Shockers · 26/03/2018 17:06

To both messages!

Shedmicehugh1 · 26/03/2018 17:07

Tell her you had sex with him, that should throw a ‘spanner’ in their little plan Grin

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 17:08

shed You're too dastardly! We only went to second base...

OP posts:
sonjadog · 26/03/2018 17:08

I would say no to Easter Sunday. I´d definitely have a break from them for a while!

justme28 · 26/03/2018 17:09

Tell her you had sex with him, that should throw a ‘spanner’ in their little plan

This made me laugh a lot!

Your friends sound completely unhinged, and I wouldn't be going at Easter under any circumstances, as I fear they may cook you and serve you with the roast dinner.

Eveforever · 26/03/2018 17:09

So they were after some drama, how nice of them to involve you.

Shedmicehugh1 · 26/03/2018 17:10

Seriously wtf is it with them both! Wife texting accusing you of all sorts, then husband inviting you for Easter dinner! Wtaf Confused

DamsonOnThisDress · 26/03/2018 17:11

Are you considering remaining friends with them are you or looking for a resolution?

Tbh I'd give them a wide berth - leave them to their silly games. I couldn't trust - or respect - adults who carry on like that. Sure I'd have trouble not laughing at them. Continuously. Always.

I'd just get my tools back and not enter in to any dialogue with them.

What does your husband make of it all?

Eveforever · 26/03/2018 17:11

I think your OH should come on to the wife this time, after all good friends should take turns providing the entertainment. Out of interest, what planet are they from?

diddl · 26/03/2018 17:11

"do you want to come to us for easter sunday."

"Fuck off weirdos"?

ArchchancellorsHat · 26/03/2018 17:12

Well either you can tell them to get help or that you aren't interested in a threesome.

I'd want to ditch them though. Completely batshit. Just get the tools back and bin them.

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 17:12

They seemed completely normal in my defence, we have been friends for about 5 years and I have to see him most days at work, so would like things to remain civil, but can't really see how a friendhsip like this would work.

OP posts: