Set up by friends

[HoneyBadger32]

I will try not to make this long winded...

I have been friendly with a couple for a few years now. I coincidentally went to school with the husband and we went on two or three "dates" when we were about 15, I then ended up working with him after university many years later so i knew him first but now we regularly do things together as couples and I am very close with his wife.

A few weeks ago he called at ours after work to borrow some tools from my OH. His wife was away for work so I invited him to stay for dinner. All very normal. My OH went out to play football and he stayed to watch the end of a film we had put on after dinner. He then randomly starts a conversation along the lines of "do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we had stayed together...." Completely out of nowhere. I asked if everything was OK with his wife etc etc and we had a chat before he left.

fast forward to yesterday and his wife sends me a message saying she can't believe I wouldn't tell her if her husband was trying to cheat on her...I phoned her to try and figure it all out and she says that she had always thought I held a torch for him and that they concocted this plan for him to come onto me (which actually I really don't think you can say he did) to see whether I would tell her?

Tell me this isn't the most bizarre thing you've ever heard? What is the appropriate response to this? I was just on the phone with my mouth open and no idea what to say.

bonkers. how dare they?!?! well not so much him since he clearly wasn't into the plan but anyway. how awful. who does this?

i'm afraid i'd keep him at arm's length at work and not see them outside work. or if you don't want to lose the friendship you could clear the air with her. but really they've got big issues and they nearly fucked up your marriage too. what on earth were they thinking.

You need to distance yourself. The tea and toast breakfasts together should stop. That couple is bizarre and you should be more outraged that they treated you this way surely? It’s so weird

From your last posts it seems like you told him that you’re happy to act like it never happened and would rather continue as normal. Personally I would be civil at work but diminish your relationship to colleagues only - only discuss work, no outings/breakfasts/lunches together etc. No contact outside of work. Definitely don’t act as if nothing happened

I think perhaps we should bear in mind that these couples have been friends for a long time. The OP and this man for even longer.
Marriage break up is super stressful and you are not in your right minds whilst the worst is happening.
It is a creepy and weird thing to do but OP I think you are right in just backing off and letting them sort their issues out. Then see how the chips have fallen.

Weirdos!

Agree with @TwitterThread3 to stop the tea and toast routine. It is sending a mixed message and all you should be doing from now on is to keep any conversations and interactions purely professional. Tea and toast everyday keeps your relationship a bit more intimate, IYKWIM.

What's completely daft though? Their weird plan? Even thinking it in the first place??

Maybe speak to HR about it if he continues to try communicate in wotk?

Give a heads up to HR in case there are further problems. You don't want to suddenly find yourself in a situation where something is said or done by the husband and again you are blamed for it without being able to show there is a backstory and that it's not you who is the troublemaking weird one.

I think nursey is right, it is a long standing friendship with no hints of anything like this before, so maybe backing off is the best course now.

Tricky one about going to HR, the OP said it's a very small firm so there probably isn't any HR except the boss, but if he's approachable then it might be worth saying that something odd has happened

There's no HR department and it is a really really small place so not much option to tell someone else without mortifying everyone, which I have no interest in doing. I think I will just cool things off and let things run their course. People do stupid things, but since there was no harm caused to my relationship I am fine with letting it pass and just moving on from them.

Fair play OP. I think that's wise if you work that closely with him.