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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Set up by friends

236 replies

HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:10

I will try not to make this long winded...

I have been friendly with a couple for a few years now. I coincidentally went to school with the husband and we went on two or three "dates" when we were about 15, I then ended up working with him after university many years later so i knew him first but now we regularly do things together as couples and I am very close with his wife.

A few weeks ago he called at ours after work to borrow some tools from my OH. His wife was away for work so I invited him to stay for dinner. All very normal. My OH went out to play football and he stayed to watch the end of a film we had put on after dinner. He then randomly starts a conversation along the lines of "do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we had stayed together...." Completely out of nowhere. I asked if everything was OK with his wife etc etc and we had a chat before he left.

fast forward to yesterday and his wife sends me a message saying she can't believe I wouldn't tell her if her husband was trying to cheat on her...I phoned her to try and figure it all out and she says that she had always thought I held a torch for him and that they concocted this plan for him to come onto me (which actually I really don't think you can say he did) to see whether I would tell her?

Tell me this isn't the most bizarre thing you've ever heard? What is the appropriate response to this? I was just on the phone with my mouth open and no idea what to say.

OP posts:
KittenBeast · 26/03/2018 16:46

They are demented. What a disturbing couple, steer clear. What does your husband say?

Medwaymumoffour · 26/03/2018 16:46

That’s all kinds of batshit crazy. What a strange pair.

Just say something like I don’t want to be dragged into your insecurities I think it’s best if you both kept your distance from now on.

Bexter801 · 26/03/2018 16:48

And don't ask for your power tools,just inform them oh will collect those on such a day,time,etc

Shedmicehugh1 · 26/03/2018 16:48

What did your OH say?

AnnieAnoniMouser · 26/03/2018 16:48

‘If your definition of ‘trying to cheat on you’ is ‘Fred’ asking if I remembered x from when we were 15, then I don’t know what to say really. I was worried about you both as when he was here he seemed sad. I asked him if he was ok & if you were ok & he said yes. I fail to see how that constitutes trying it on or hiding it from you. I’m gutted, I thought we were friends. I can’t believe that you have secretly been thinking I hold a torch for ‘Fred’. What a shame you have ruined the lovely friendship I thought the four of us had’

RavenclawRealist · 26/03/2018 16:48

I would reply 'I didn't realise your husband telling me he was unhappy was a come on by bad! I don't find people who twist and manipulate situations attractive so you have no worries here.' Then block and deleted on all social media phone ect no contact they are drama lamas trying to drag you in to the middle of it all no thanks!

choseausername1 · 26/03/2018 16:48

Sounds like he confessed to his wife (in case you told her) but spun it as ‘she’s never got over me, I wanted to see what she’d say- can’t believe she didn’t tell you!’

She’s either gullible or not wanting to believe it. What does your oh have to say?

BeyondThePage · 26/03/2018 16:49

"He didn't exactly jump me on the sofa, just had a nostalgic chat down memory lane"

Sparklesocks · 26/03/2018 16:50

That is bizarre! And childish and manipulative.

Must have VERY little going on if that’s how they get their kicks. She’s obviously enjoying having that over you too, and wanting you to apologise for your ‘crime’. Nothing screams ‘sad bastards’ like that…

You’re better off with friends who don’t force you into their weird little games and act like actual human adults. Time for a cull!

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:50

My Oh said he would go talk to them, but really what kind of weird situation would it be, we'll just continue to have dinner together and ignore the fact one or other person thinks i'm going to crack onto their husband or wife or whatever. It's so disorientating, it's making me reply every interaction i've had with them. I'm not flirty with him at all as far as I know, my husband does occasionally make a joke about our young love, but only with context, not just in a weird way.

I feel upset that we're losing a long friendship over something crazy.

OP posts:
CuboidalSlipshoddy · 26/03/2018 16:50

his wife sends me a message saying she can't believe I wouldn't tell her if her husband was trying to cheat on her.

This is one of those rare occasions when enquiring whether people are OK, perhaps with your head tilted, is justified. If you're close to her, you might enquire.

Alternatively, run away. It's not a friendship that's going to go anywhere good.

diddl · 26/03/2018 16:50

I think it's odd that when he asked if you ever thought what it would have been like you jumped to asking if things are OK with his wife.

I'm not sure if I'd have taking it as him coming on to me though, and although I think that it's a conversation that I would have shut down, I doubt I would have told his wife.

But the new info-I'd steer clear of both.

That is some weird fuckery!

AcrossthePond55 · 26/03/2018 16:52

TBH, she only knows what he has told her you said. There might have been a joint 'set up', he might be trying to make her jealous, or perhaps he's just delusional and read things into what you said. Or as you said, she's 'jealous' and has overreacted to an innocent conversation and he's going along to keep the peace.

I don't think you can win on this one. If they've decided you're carrying a torch, then you aren't going to be able to convince them otherwise.

As a PP said, get the tools back and drop the friendship.

But do be prepared for her to contact your DH and 'let him know what kind of woman he's married!!' or to spread gossip among mutual acquaintances.

Bexter801 · 26/03/2018 16:52

Really....you'd somehow like to repair this ''friendship''?

diddl · 26/03/2018 16:54

"I feel upset that we're losing a long friendship over something crazy."

Sounds as if you're better off away from the razy!

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:54

diddl It was a sort of more meandering conversation where i came to sort of suspect something was bothering him in his current relationship, i just sort of went for a shorthand there, but I didn't instantly ask if his marriage was ok. He had just got proper melancholy. But maybe you would be melancholy if your wife made you attempt to cheat to prove a point?!

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:55

Yea, i really can't understand how this would resolve itself neatly...

OP posts:
DamsonOnThisDress · 26/03/2018 16:55

Wow.

I'd like to reply with a dignified:

I am not interested in your husband nor your silly games. Bye.

But I'd probably just reply with:

Give me my tools back, you pair of f@cknut weirdos.

Paddington68 · 26/03/2018 16:56

Get away from the crazy! Go NC.

dragonwarrior · 26/03/2018 16:56

Make sure you tell your husband this if you have not already so it cannot be twisted to him!!!

juneau · 26/03/2018 16:57

So she's insecure about her DH and you dating back when you were 15 and somehow that's your fault? I'd tell her to stick her playground games up her jacksy, if it were me. What a bitch for setting you up in a compromising situation like that. What if your DH had overhead and it had caused problems in your marriage? She sounds pathetic and immature to me. And as for him going along with it? I have no words. With friends like them who needs enemies?

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 26/03/2018 16:57

But maybe you would be melancholy if your wife made you attempt to cheat to prove a point?!

"made"? Unless she was stood beside him with a Kalashnikov, she couldn't "make" him do anything.

GetoutofthatGarden · 26/03/2018 16:57

You need to tell her that her OHs flirting is soooo bad you didn't even realise that he had 'come onto' you.

Also tell them that you don't want to be part of whatever problems they have going on and you find their behaviour very weird.

Shedmicehugh1 · 26/03/2018 16:57

You know the thought is there, regardless of how you act. I cannot see any getting over this, even if they realise how crazy it was! Walking on egg shells!

diddl · 26/03/2018 16:58

"But maybe you would be melancholy if your wife made you attempt to cheat to prove a point?!"

Yeah-but why wouldn't he just tell her not to be so daft or that it didn't matter if you did fancy him as he wasn't interested?

Perhaps he was sounding you out for swinging and she's pissed off as it's really that she fancies your husband!

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