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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Set up by friends

236 replies

HoneyBadger32 · 26/03/2018 16:10

I will try not to make this long winded...

I have been friendly with a couple for a few years now. I coincidentally went to school with the husband and we went on two or three "dates" when we were about 15, I then ended up working with him after university many years later so i knew him first but now we regularly do things together as couples and I am very close with his wife.

A few weeks ago he called at ours after work to borrow some tools from my OH. His wife was away for work so I invited him to stay for dinner. All very normal. My OH went out to play football and he stayed to watch the end of a film we had put on after dinner. He then randomly starts a conversation along the lines of "do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we had stayed together...." Completely out of nowhere. I asked if everything was OK with his wife etc etc and we had a chat before he left.

fast forward to yesterday and his wife sends me a message saying she can't believe I wouldn't tell her if her husband was trying to cheat on her...I phoned her to try and figure it all out and she says that she had always thought I held a torch for him and that they concocted this plan for him to come onto me (which actually I really don't think you can say he did) to see whether I would tell her?

Tell me this isn't the most bizarre thing you've ever heard? What is the appropriate response to this? I was just on the phone with my mouth open and no idea what to say.

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh1 · 27/03/2018 14:07

You don’t seem too bothered by it OP or your OH?

ChaosNeverRains · 27/03/2018 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Shedmicehugh1 · 27/03/2018 15:06

It’s quite simple

Either her dh is lying and told his wife a pack of lies

Or his wife is lying and made it all up

Or they were both in on it

It all equals drama or drama or drama. Don’t see the point of your OH going for a pint to establish which drama is the truth! All dramas equal the same thing they cannot be trusted and are not your friends!

gamerchick · 27/03/2018 15:23

I also think that you’re loving the drama at this stage. Any normal person would have told them to get stuffed after the first text

Damned right they would!

Oliversmumsarmy · 27/03/2018 15:31

So asking a what if question is coming on to someone.

Totally weird.

I would reply along the lines of if you didn't want to be friends any more you could of just said rather than go through some weird and cryptic role play . Oh and can I have the power tools back

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 27/03/2018 16:00

there's not really any continued drama, it was just a really weird experience. OH has actually decided not to go meet him, and that we will just keep our distance and let them sort themselves out. I think that actually makes the most sense, as people are saying they are their problems to sort out and if they had wanted help with their relationship or to talk about it they should have done that rather than concocting this bizarre encounter. Any hesitancy we have had is solely because they are very close friends, and the instinct would be to try and help people, but I think you are right that we should also consider the impact this could have had on all sides.

OP posts:
BreakHerOffAKitKat · 27/03/2018 16:02

I think they were sussing you out for a bit of partner swapping / group loving and when you rebuffed his advances they came up with the bizarre story they have spun you to avoid admitting they fancied a bit of swapsies!

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 27/03/2018 16:04

I didn't think swinging existed in real life! haha

I'll just stay clear for a while anyway

OP posts:
JustMarriedAndLovingIt · 27/03/2018 16:09

Gazing into my crystal ball....I see divorce looming for those two. However, I see you getting out there and making some less weird mates!

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 27/03/2018 16:13

Justmarried Amen to that...less weird ones coming up, although, again...they did seem normal!

OP posts:
YellowFlower201 · 27/03/2018 16:46

Will you speak to the husband OP? I think your current plan is sensible. It's a shame they've turned out to be crazy.

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 27/03/2018 16:51

I'll have to speak to him for work, but we will just keep it work civilised, and no more romantic tea and toast i suppose.

OP posts:
Motoko · 28/03/2018 11:11

The whole thing is twisted. Did it never occur to them that it could have caused big problems in your marriage?
That's what would have really pissed me off.

I couldn't go on being friends after that. Sod being "supportive".

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 28/03/2018 12:23

Came into work to tea and toast and an apology...I told him i'm finding the whole thing is super awkward, and I would prefer if we could just ignore it for the sake of work during work hours.

Melters.

OP posts:
Fuzzyduck0 · 28/03/2018 12:26

Did he offer an explanation of WTF it was all about along with toast?

Shedmicehugh1 · 28/03/2018 12:26

An apology for what though?

Him telling porkies or his wife? Or setting you up?

Slarti · 28/03/2018 14:43

told him i'm finding the whole thing is super awkward

Awkward? Don't you feel betrayed? Deceived? Angry? This would be like someone planting money in your handbag to test your honesty and then kicking off with you like you'd stolen it. I'm genuinely baffled by your reaction (or lack of one).

Motoko · 28/03/2018 15:06

Me too Slarti, especially when the consequences could have been really bad for OP's marriage.

LaContessaDiPlump · 28/03/2018 16:01

What does melters mean?

Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 28/03/2018 16:34

I mean I am finding working with him in the same office awkward...on account of my feeling betrayed, deceived, outraged, angry, confused etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
HoneyBadger32 · 28/03/2018 16:35

He basically just said, i'm sorry for dragging you into all this, it's completely daft and got out of hand, hopefully we can work it out...

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 28/03/2018 16:37

Wow like a honey trap, how deceitful. They woukd not be my friends anymore. They are not very nice.

YouTheCat · 28/03/2018 16:40

I just couldn't be arsed with all their drama.

ArchchancellorsHat · 28/03/2018 19:27

I mean I am finding working with him in the same office awkward...on account of my feeling betrayed, deceived, outraged, angry, confused etc.

I think I would tell him exactly that, point out that their stupid little game could have caused trouble in your own marriage, that you do not wish to be friends, and kindly stick to a purely professional relationship from now on or you will have to involve HR. And fuck off with the bloody toast. It's such a stupid thing to do, with a friend or a colleague, let alone with someone who's both.

It might be worth having a word in confidence with HR now since he's approaching you at work, but that might be a bit OTT.

Shedmicehugh1 · 28/03/2018 19:46

I would make him feel awkward, make him squirm too! Dragging me into all what exactly?! What got daft? What got out of hand? Work what out? He is seriously deflecting and stepping a sincere apology!

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