Well we enjoy a wedding AIBU don’t we???

[BeanCalledPickle]

So friend is getting married. Very good friend I’ve know since uni. She has stuck with me through illness and celebrated all my life events and she’s now getting married herself. I have two DDs who will be 3 and 5.

So she wants them as her flower girls in an otherwise entirely child unfriendly wedding. She has even rearranged the date so we can make it. She has however said that they must behave impeccably and be removed if they kick off. She has told me they will walk down the aisle with her and I must sit and watch as she doesn’t want me cajoling them in the photos?! I suggested there may be chunks of the day when a tablet and headphones might save the day. She has said absolutely no way as that’s not the ‘vibe’ she wants.

She has booked us a room with one king bed and is suprised we have said we want to go Home as it’s only 1.5 hours away. And that we don’t fancy the family bed set up? She got annoyed when I said that wouldn’t work.

And just to wrap things up she won’t cater for a vegan diet as she can’t ‘deal with picky eaters and we will just have to make do’. We eat about 90pc plant based - i won’t lose it if the inevitable risotto has cheese in it but I can’t deal with the idea of a slab of goats cheese etc. I can’t just leave it as we are sitting with them for dinner.

AIBU to just want to ditch this wedding?! Though she has stuck with me through so much. But I can’t cope with the pressure of producing two perfectly behaved flower girls!

She's changed the date for you, and is otherwise a good friend?
Then go just for the ceremony, and leave before the food is served (with excuse that children are struggling).

Anyone expecting picture perfect behaviour from a 3 and 5 year old for an entire day is deluded! Will there be other children there at all? Any other forms of entertainment for kids?

You've managed to be her friend for this long despite the fact that she won't cater for your vegan diet and thinks you're just a picky eater?

Oh dear god the veggie option at my wedding was the ‘inevitable’ risotto. There was probably people complaining about me
on line!

I think you need to have a calm chat with her - or even send a straightforward email outlining the issues

if she really wants you there she needs to bend a little - you are vegan - she needs to respect that, you are offering to keep the kids occupied - she's being daft

I doubt the hotel will let a family of 4 stay in a room for 2 anyway

Has she ever met a child?

Just say "yes Dear" as she's a good friend and have a quiet word with the hotel re your vegan meal and room. She doesn't need to know anything about it!

I wouldn't be going to a wedding if they refused to provide food I could eat! That's awful.

Also it sounds as if she's viewing your kids as accessories - not cool.

I'd cancel the hotel room.

Take the tablets and headphones

It's a looonnnggg day for a 3/5 yr old

Play it by ear on the day

Has she never spent time with children? She really can’t expect all day impeccable behaviour from ones so little, it just won’t happen. Does she actually want them there or just thinks some cute kids will look nice in the photos. What is the ‘vibe’ she’s going for anyway?!

I’m also about 90pc plant based, but just say vegetarian for these things as I can’t deal with the stress. But she’s being really unreasonable to not even try to cater for you if you’re such a good friend she’s adjusted her wedding for you in other ways.

I would stay the night though, if they can provide beds for the kids (pull out, camp bed?) not you’re all in one bed. Your DH could take the kids back to sleep if you wanted to keep going a bit longer. 1.5 hours is a long drive at the end of a long day.

The venue will cater for any dietary requirements, just tell her to pass it to them, she doesn’t need to ‘deal’ with anything

It’s up to you whether you stay, personally a family room would work for me rather than a 1.5hr drive but that’s personal choice

She’s being daft over the kids, who knows what they’ll be like on the day, you just can’t guarantee anything at all

You really do need to acquaint her with reality. Vegan diets are becoming much more mainstream, my son is being catered for at an upcoming wedding with no problem. I'd contact the venue and ask for a transfer to a family room. And make it clear that pretty flower girls aren't dolls and she'll have to let you entertain them as you see fit if she wants them.

shes insane but if shes an otherwise good friend I would try to comprimise, eg have the kids walk up the isle then be taken outside or to the car with tablets for the ceremony, back for pics then taken home?

Just take the iPads and headphones, she's going to be too busy to be wondering what your children are up to.

I’m dont think you can expect a 3 and a 5 year old to be ‘good’ all day... you know them best. Your kids, your rules...take the stuff that keeps them happy. She’ll be too busy to even notice...

I'd back out. Yes, I really would.

Take a tablet and headphones, when your kids inevitably get fed up she will probably prefer that to the whining.
Take some food in a box, discreetly put it on your plate alongside whatever the veggie option is (surely they're going to cater for vegetarians). The bed situation I would probably suck it up for one night or take a couple of ready beds for the kids.

Re the food and room: good suggestion to make arrangements directly with the venue. They'll be fine about it all I'm sure. Your friend probably thinks her 'to do' list is already more than long enough, this way it's win-win.

As for the flower girls. Can anyone else talk sense into her? If they can behave at the ceremony, and for some photos, what happens after is none of her business, eg if you whisk them off to your room to "nap" play They'll need a nap at some point, surely ...

I think she just wants to use your dd’s for photo purposes, she can’t expect them to keep quiet and do as they are told all day. Weddings are boring enough for us adults let alone 2 young children. I’m guessing she hasn’t got much expereance of kids and probably doesn’t really like them either.

I’m sure she could arrange for you to have vegan food if she talked to the caterers? It’s not hard and most chefs know how to cater for all dietary needs. I think she’s just being awkward.

Maybe go to the ceremony and the photos and then sneak off.

These child free people always make me laugh. They always do a full circle when they have children and conveniently forget treating your kids like ornaments or farmyard animals.

As the above poster said, take tablets/toys in your bag. Ring the hotel and ask about vegan food su substitutions. Pack some familiar snacks/food for the kids in a picnic bag for the kids. There are to be kid friendly relatives there who may be a little more understanding.

She sounds like she's using your DC as an artistic addition.

On top of the fact that she cba catering for you, I'd tell her to shove it.

Contact the hotel themselves about diet.
Ask them yourselves about the room and number of occupants. If they say 2 only just use room during day for your girls and then be surprised late at night about this - shrug - forgive her - and drive home as you wanted anyway

Take the tablets and headphones anyway. She'll be grateful you ignored her after a few hours in the company of a 4 and 5 yo!

Tell her you're not going to take the girls as you don't think they will be able to behave all day without tablets etc - too stressful for you for her and you wouldn't want to ruin her wedding. Then eat whatever is served and stay in the king sized bed without going home

PMSL at the idea of an impeccably behaved 3 year old!!

Was this info given to you by her in a face to face conversation?

I'm baffled as to what you said in response? Did you nod and smile? Not much of a "friendship" if she normally speaks to you like this!