Well we enjoy a wedding AIBU don’t we???

[BeanCalledPickle]

So friend is getting married. Very good friend I’ve know since uni. She has stuck with me through illness and celebrated all my life events and she’s now getting married herself. I have two DDs who will be 3 and 5.

So she wants them as her flower girls in an otherwise entirely child unfriendly wedding. She has even rearranged the date so we can make it. She has however said that they must behave impeccably and be removed if they kick off. She has told me they will walk down the aisle with her and I must sit and watch as she doesn’t want me cajoling them in the photos?! I suggested there may be chunks of the day when a tablet and headphones might save the day. She has said absolutely no way as that’s not the ‘vibe’ she wants.

She has booked us a room with one king bed and is suprised we have said we want to go Home as it’s only 1.5 hours away. And that we don’t fancy the family bed set up? She got annoyed when I said that wouldn’t work.

And just to wrap things up she won’t cater for a vegan diet as she can’t ‘deal with picky eaters and we will just have to make do’. We eat about 90pc plant based - i won’t lose it if the inevitable risotto has cheese in it but I can’t deal with the idea of a slab of goats cheese etc. I can’t just leave it as we are sitting with them for dinner.

AIBU to just want to ditch this wedding?! Though she has stuck with me through so much. But I can’t cope with the pressure of producing two perfectly behaved flower girls!

We had loads of children at our wedding - I was a bit dubious but they really made the day. They all knew each other (various cousins) and they were dancing for ages, telling me I was a beautiful princess, blowing bubbles, generally being great fun and excellent company.

I also remember going to weddings as a child (was bridesmaid at 4 and 6) and loving it! Dressing up, trying on hats, dancing with loads of cousins and uncles and feeling grown up.

So your girls might surprise you and absolutely love it.

Sounds like your friend has a wedding aesthetic in mind, for which she needs to rent a couple of cute little girls. Yours would have the added bonus of “yes they’re the daughters of a really old friend of mine; I’ve known their Mum for years and years. Aren’t they adorable??”

I can’t fathom wanting 3&5yo girls at a child-free wedding, when you have and want no children of your own and the two chosen ones are only known to you through their mother who you meet for dinner every couple of months!!

Just agree and then do what you need to do on the day? She either won't notice or won't be able to say anything. Saying your kids should behave themselves like you have full control lol, kids are crazy! Also I hate weddings, they're boring. I love receptions/after parties though.

Alternative. if it's that child unfriendly, maybe try and not take them? And one single king size bed? For 2 adults and 2 kids. Is she joking lol.

If the risotto is the vegetarian option then it won't have Parmesan in it!!

Mind you it sounds a dull as dishwater dish so suggesting you just don't eat the slab of cheese isn't really the best!!

It does seems unlikely that a place won't have a vegan option.Though a place that's putting a family in one bed may very well give a vegan a bowl of raw vegetables (and put Parmesan in the vegetarian option).

The whole thing seems mad.

If she’s been a good friend then smile and nod.

Ask her to order you a veggy meal then call the venue and request that it’s vegan.
Take the earphones, but also take colouring books etc.. maybe that’s more the vibe she is looking for. Only use the headphones if absolutely necessary.
And don’t assume your DC won’t behave. I was one at 4. Allegedly I was impeccably behaved. I loved it - everyone made a fuss of me and I got to eat cake. What’s not to like?

Re the room - why is she booking - is she paying? Why don’t you call the venue and ask them what they can do to accommodate your DC (and pay the difference if appropriate).

It's not hard to highlight the OPs posts and actually read them before posting something stupid

Really? How do I highlight the OPs posts?

*We had loads of children at our wedding - I was a bit dubious but they really made the day. They all knew each other (various cousins) and they were dancing for ages, telling me I was a beautiful princess, blowing bubbles, generally being great fun and excellent company.

I also remember going to weddings as a child (was bridesmaid at 4 and 6) and loving it! Dressing up, trying on hats, dancing with loads of cousins and uncles and feeling grown up.

So your girls might surprise you and absolutely love it.*

That’s how I remember weddings as a child.

I personally would have used this room as an opportunity to get the kids away for half an hour to play on a tablet and then come back down to join the party.
It’s your friends wedding who has done everything to accommodate for you - except your dietary choice. But, it can be really difficult and expensive to cater for just a few with selective dietary choices.
Hope it works out and you can oth see eye to eye.
Take her for lunch and explain things again.

It's her wedding at the end of the day and not yours, and she's been a good friend to you over the years. Weddings are stressful and expensive & she has already moved things around for you, can't expect her to change every little thing? Call the hotel to see if they can accommodate a vegetarian option for the meal. Don't see anything wrong with the iPads, it's one day.

Please, stop listening to people saying she's a bad friend. It doesn't seem that way

id say if otherwise this is totally unlike her and what a brill friend she is then its just the day,the pressure.bridezilla coming out in her and you need to stick with her.she will understand on the day the behaviour of kids is variable.deep down she will lol.
all sorts of pressures from so many on the bride I'm sure she is at the end of her tether a bit it sounds to me so is just batting own on everything to try and reign it all in.
talk to her.ask her if she needs to talk or needs help.or an evening off from the wedding to chill with some wine even!
don't jude her on this if it clearly isn't how she is.
take ur kids tablet etc in the car or backpack.
perhaps do a little exciting work through at home of how they need to be down the isle.make it fun not an order so they are more inclined to follow.like a big performance they have a part in!teach them their parts.
try have a good time.
unless you really get horrid vibes from this and cant go.id try.

newmumwithquestions

If you go to bottom and click on FAQs and then the Talk section there is am opportunity to click Customise and then you can highlight your own posts and OPs in different colours.

Kids went to weddings before tablets and headphones existed. We used books and drawing stuff for our children.
Call the venue, they won’t have any trouble ensuring a vegan version is available at the meal.
The bride is fraught, don’t cause an issue about stuff that has can easily be sorted. Lots of people get pretty precious about the big day, mainly because of the huge cost. Be the chilled one, once the photos are done she won’t care what the kids are doing anyway.