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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have introduced themselves?

365 replies

Uhuhhoney · 24/03/2018 23:44

Ive just moved into a new houseshare.

When i was moving my stuff in i heard one of the flatmates rummaging in the kitchen so i went downstairs and she scuttled back to her (downstairs) room. Hmm i thought... anyway, i was then making food this evening and hwr boyfriend came in and said im Courtneys boyfriend (me having no idea who she is). They're now chatting really fucking loudly downstairs and i feel like it would be awkward to go and make a brew.

Aibu to think shes been rude to deliberately ignore her only (new) flatmate!

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 02/04/2018 22:01

Good point Scabetty. It's silly to suggest you're after her bf when yours has been there. This lady sounds irrational and you don't need this kind of stress when you could be having a laugh with friendly flatmates.

PennyDreadfull · 02/04/2018 22:09

Jeez!!
Shock
Please please let the landlord know as soon as possible... This woman isn't right.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 02/04/2018 22:28

Start keeping a record of what she says and does OP. Just in case!

If there's any way you can question her with both your bfs there, I perhaps would. It won't be pretty but it might force her out into the open, she might have an outburst and you might get to the bottom of why she is how she is- there could be a reason.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 02/04/2018 22:29

I'm not implying that the reason would be you OP, you sound lovely. X

Original poster
Uhuhhoney · 02/04/2018 22:31

I feel the smallest bit guilty because in the past, when ive lived with international students and in an all-girl flat with some Muslim girls, ive always tried to make people comfortable, so obviously not have my boyfriend around.

If there was an uncomfortableness with partners round i wouldnt have minded if she had stated this, maybe before i moved in. Butas she had her BF round, i didn't think to ask.

As for flirting with her bf, my bf would have been well aware of this and said something...

I dont know what im going to do... contract is 6 months. My job here is secure, im near enough broke and cant afford to lose a grand deposit... but i feel so uncomfortable especially as bf has gone

OP posts:
WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 02/04/2018 22:51

Speak to the landlord. There must be something in your contract about quiet enjoyment or something?

Misericord · 02/04/2018 22:51

She sounds awful. Did you call the landlord as planned? And did your BF have a chat with hers?

So sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s awful when you get into a horrible house sharing situation, feels so personal :( Flowers

Winchester13 · 02/04/2018 22:58

I’m sorry honey she sounds terrible and you have done nothing but try to be friendly.
She must be so insecure and jealous to think you’re trying to steal her boyfriend by wearing leggings and a vest 😂

stayanotherday · 02/04/2018 23:03

I feel so sorry for you lovely. If I lived in or near London I'd invite you to stay at my gaff.

You don't deserve to feel guilty or uncomfortable and it must feel lonely. It sounds as if you're in a no win whatever you do and it's one rule for her and another for you. All she had to do is introduce herself and had a chat about ground rules. If there was/is an issue why not just mention it?

You've nothing to lose by emailing landlord. All you can do for six months if it comes to it is try and avoid her and then leave. It's a shame.

ElsieMc · 03/04/2018 10:24

How awful op. I did think things may escalate. It seems that she is just not suited to house sharing at all and had made her mind up to make life difficult before she had even met you. It really is a shame isn't it because you could have been an ally or even friend. Her choice though. Because you have not obeyed her rules, she has upped the ante, doesn't have anywhere to go and therefore sounds irrational. These are bizarre allegations given your boyfriends presence.

You need to think about what you want before you speak to Landlord. Do you want to move out and attempt to retrieve your deposit given the circumstances. You will need to know why the other housesharer moved out and if it is an ongoing problem although faced with a request for a deposit return, he is not likely to be very forthcoming. Or do you want to stay for the six months and suck up the hostility which will inevitably escalate. Good luck op.

BastardGoDarkly · 03/04/2018 10:40

Bloody hell!!? Did you not say at any point.... erm, your boyfriends always here?

She's nuts, and horrible. Flowers

LexieLulu · 03/04/2018 11:58

You need to stay put, don't let her bully you out.

Maybe when she chats bollocks talks to you, you can ignore her like she does to you.

Or ask her and her bf to come to he living room when you and your bf are there. Say the stuff she's been saying in front of everyone. Tell her bf to her and his face you're not flirting with him by speaking to him. And explain your bf has the right to be here as much as her bf.

Tell her you're not leaving, and if she wants to enjoy living here she needs to grow up

JessieMcJessie · 03/04/2018 11:59

She sounds unbearable and unhinged. I’d say cut your losses and move out, if you can find a way to not lose a lot of money. Maybe appeal to landlord’s better nature?

Has she given a straight answer to how it can possibly be OK for her boyfriend to stay but not yours?

Willow2017 · 03/04/2018 12:04

honey do not feel the slightest bit guilty. She is unhinged!
Get on to the ll and tell him what she is doing and that you will probably be leaving as soon as lease is up due to her harassment. Let him see she is costing him lost revenue.

Ignore her from now on but keep a diary of everything she has said so far and going forward.

TomRavenscroft · 03/04/2018 12:06

Talk to the landlord. Couch it in terms of the contractual points about right to privacy, respect of others and quiet enjoyment, or whatever similar points you can find. Also mention the 'house rules' and ask if they originate from him or from her; and that her BF stays over frequently.

CircleofWillis · 03/04/2018 12:21

Are you sure she isn’t the landlord or connected to the landlord? Her attitude of entitlement seems bizarre for an equal flat share.

TomRavenscroft · 03/04/2018 12:31

Circle, unfortunately people do exist who just behave like this even if they're not actually entitled to... I used to houseshare with a mare woman who seemed to think she had more say in matters than anyone else, even though it was an equal houseshare. She tried to tell me and DP that she and the rest of the house had discussed us all having one of the shared rooms to use as 'ours' (she hadn't), and would come into the kitchen if DP or I were working in there and ask us how long we intended to be in there for.

willynillypie · 03/04/2018 13:01

*Or ask her and her bf to come to he living room when you and your bf are there. Say the stuff she's been saying in front of everyone. Tell her bf to her and his face you're not flirting with him by speaking to him. And explain your bf has the right to be here as much as her bf.

Tell her you're not leaving, and if she wants to enjoy living here she needs to grow up*

I like this idea - her bf sounds quite reasonable so this might embarrass her! Would def still contact the landlord though, ASAP.

stayanotherday · 03/04/2018 23:28

I agree with this. How are things now?

GrandTheftWalrus · 04/04/2018 00:02

What a bitch! Could anyone help you with moving fees etc just so you are able to have a comfortable home?

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/04/2018 12:54

I hope you realise this isn’t personal. She’s obviously never learnt to share and has the most entitled attitude. If it weren’t leggings and top of having your bf over, it absolutely would be something else.

Your flatmate sounds narcissistic to say the least and perhaps as though they may have sociopathic traits. www.healthguidance.org/entry/15850/1/Characteristics-of-a-Sociopath.html. This doesn’t mean she’s dangerous. But she’s decided to make your life hell and i think it’s going to be tough. You won’t win against someone like her. I’ve been up against people like this myself.

You really really need to speak to the ll my love. I’ve been where you are. And didn’t. The ll should be made aware of the situation. Perhaps they already are. Do you have the details of any ex tenants to back you up? It’s expensive for a ll to have tenants changing. Maybe if you contact the ll they will let you go if you find someone else to replace you. I suggest you find a man to replace you instead of a woman.

DragonMummy1418 · 04/04/2018 14:52

@Uhuhhoney are you still there? How's it going?

PennyDreadfull · 04/04/2018 19:29

Any update OP?

bluebell34567 · 04/04/2018 22:24

maybe the girl had a flat mate from hell before and because of that she decided to behave like that to the new sharers. it is wrong, but maybe this is the case.

stayanotherday · 05/04/2018 19:25

Have you emailed the landlord OP? How are things now?