MIL issues!!

[Starlive22]

Before I start...yes I know I'm being unreasonable but if I don't rant I'll literally explode...

MIL only visited 3 or 4 times during whole (complicated) pregnancy.

The day baby was born she came to the hospital, the day after she got back from holiday, laughed at how the baby was big, kissed her all over the face and then told everyone she felt faint and that she had diarrhoea.

The next day she announced my baby's birth on Facebook with probably the worst picture of me in history after o told her I didn't want any pics on Facebook.

Since then she has come to my house every day expecting to be waited on hand and foot. I've still got an indwelling catheter, and I had a c section so I'm not exactly up running rings around people at the moment.

Please tell me it's normal to feel so upset that she hasn't given us one day as a family on our own. I only came out of hospital yesterday and I just want her to give us a bit of space, especially as she hasn't really ever been part of our lives. It's a shocker that she has descended on us like this!

I realise that I'm lucky she has been interested and that not everyone has mother in laws and some people don't have people round them, I know I'm lucky. I just feel a bit overwhelmed and emotional.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for really, just a bit of reassurance that I'm not a not evil!! X

Why doesn’t her son tell her to not come?

Tell her to jog on, and where the hell is your DH? He need to sort her out, nothing lucky about having an interfering MIL

You're not even remotely evil. Poor you. Please get her son to tell her to back off. Or at the very least make herself useful.

Oh to add YANBU!

This is one for her son. He must explain you are still recovering and cant have visitors

When I had DS, DH wouldnt let PIL in the house when they came to visit. He met them on the drive and said me and DS were sleeping, and no one got past him. Suggest you try the same.

There is a time to be accommodating to your MIL, but in the first few weeks after childbirth, I think it should be all up to you !

Of course your not evil - but can appreciate how you feel, just home with new baby.

Its a very exhausting and also emotional time while you are both recovering from c section and new baby

Would your partner have a word? If not then you will just have to just say - don't visit for a few day as I'm not up for visitors/or opening the door as I need a few days to bond with baby - i'll ring you if we need anything.

Tell your husband to politely tell them this is not ok. You're much more tolerating than me, I would have told her that as grateful as I am for the support I need my space. It would have driven me nuts.

To be honest we've been so shocked that she's taken such an interest I don't think any of us know what to do! She's literally changed beyond recognition now the baby is here and I want to take the opportunity to bond with her for the baby's sake, I just don't want to do it all in the same week as the baby being born!

She's a much longed for first baby and first grandchild for PIL so I hoped she would be excited (she hasn't ever really showed any excitement during the pregnancy) but I'm just surprised that she doesn't see that I'm feeling a bit vulnerable, I can't manage yet to lean down and pick the baby up or give her a bath etc but MIL still expects me to make her tea and get the biscuits in!

I'll have to tell DH to tell her to back off a bit, just don't want her to eventually throw that back at me by saying she tried but we told her she wasn't welcome. She can be a bit like that, very much the victim!

Stop it! Stop making tea and offering snacks. Take to your bed with your baby. Let DH entertain and feed and water her.

If she's there, tell her where the kettle is. And then get your husband to tell her tomorrow isnt convenient but it would be great to see her monday (or whatever). She will probably lose interest eventually, if she wasnt invested in the pregnancy the novelty of a baby may wear off. Its perfectly fine to organise visitors, not rude and not unreasonable. And the quicker you do it the less awkward it is - less "you are here too much please piss off" and more "nothing personal just busy tomorrow" if that makes sense??

Nope, she needs to go. You need this time as a family to bond, and also to recover.

Your DH needs to ask her to leave.....
'Thank you for coming mum, but we'd really like this time now as a family. I'll let you know when we're up for visitors again.'

If he doesn't have the balls, then say it for him, as you'll never get this time back and you'll regret it if you don't.

I understand why you think it's risky to tell her to back off atm, but perhaps get your DH to say something along the lines of "we're looking after Star at the moment, but I'm sure she'd be grateful for your help".

MIL still expects me to make her tea and get the biscuits in!

Riiiight, what exactly is happening here? Tell us what she says, so we can help you stop it.

Does she say-‘put the kettle on?’
Does she say-‘oooh, I’m parched!’
Does she say, ‘I wish someone would make me a cuppa!’
Does she say ‘aren’t you going to bring me a drink?!’

Depending on what she said, I would have a different response. None of them would involve me making her a cup of tea though!

When you say she’s come round every day expecting to be waited on hand and foot-How many days are you talking? You said you only came out of hospital yesterday, yes?

I expect your DH needs to step up a bit and lay down a few ground rules!

just don't want her to eventually throw that back at me by saying she tried but we told her she wasn't welcome.

You need to grow a tougher skin. So what if she feels unwelcome? If you pander to her now, it'll only get worse and before you know it you'll be asking your kids to give into her unreasonable behaviour too. Your husband should have told her to back off days ago.

YANBU.

Can you untag yourself from the horrid picture and block her on Facebook? Then I suggest strongly that you tell your DH to make her go away and reassess your relationship in a few weeks when you feel more human. You may not realise it but you NEED this time to bond as a little family. It's important for so many reasons. Get your DH to make her back off. She can visit again in a couple of weeks.
Congratulations on your lovely baby

I wish I had just not answered the door when MIL was like this. I kept hoping she would cop on/the penny would drop but it didn't and I'm angry with myself for letting it get to me. Please, for your sake, stop answering the door when she turns up. Give yourself a break. I understand it can be hard when you're caught on the hop but you need to do this.

I think maybe your health visitor might be to blame for banning visitors. You’d love her to visit but the health visitor told you to bed rest and no visitors for a week.

You're only being unreasonable if you're putting up with it

OP she needs to give you and your dh and new baby private time to bond as a family. I think it’s one thing coming to visit if she is helping out but another when she is just sitting there expecting waited on hand and foot; that’s terrible.

Get your dh to tell her you’re having a week to yourselves as a family and you will see her after that.

Omg. Dh needs to be telling her to fuck the fuck off! Pronto.

Congratulations

Stop it now! Get your dh to grow balls and set parameters.

Note on the front door "new baby, please don't ring bell or knock"