MIL issues!!

[Starlive22]

Before I start...yes I know I'm being unreasonable but if I don't rant I'll literally explode...

MIL only visited 3 or 4 times during whole (complicated) pregnancy.

The day baby was born she came to the hospital, the day after she got back from holiday, laughed at how the baby was big, kissed her all over the face and then told everyone she felt faint and that she had diarrhoea.

The next day she announced my baby's birth on Facebook with probably the worst picture of me in history after o told her I didn't want any pics on Facebook.

Since then she has come to my house every day expecting to be waited on hand and foot. I've still got an indwelling catheter, and I had a c section so I'm not exactly up running rings around people at the moment.

Please tell me it's normal to feel so upset that she hasn't given us one day as a family on our own. I only came out of hospital yesterday and I just want her to give us a bit of space, especially as she hasn't really ever been part of our lives. It's a shocker that she has descended on us like this!

I realise that I'm lucky she has been interested and that not everyone has mother in laws and some people don't have people round them, I know I'm lucky. I just feel a bit overwhelmed and emotional.

I'm not sure what I'm asking for really, just a bit of reassurance that I'm not a not evil!! X

I have anxiety reading this post.

Don’t let her in! I can’t even imagine how annoying it must be for you

I agree, these kinds of people try this stuff and if you don’t stop it ASAP, they think your silence is an acceptance, then god help you to try to change that

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s nip things in the bud quickly and cleanly

I really hope she's not turned up today for your sanity sakes!

Not rtft but these things always follow a pattern.

You and DH need to put some boundaries down and stick to them.

Read the books toxic parents and toxic i laws when you get a second (!!)
The website daughters of narcissistic mothers is very insightful (just replace daughter for son in your case) although I would especially recommend the pages on narcissistic grandmothers.

I am NC with my PIL now and DH is low contact (his decision)... there were some major reasons for this (toxic, abusive reasons) but the appalling behavior and comments from her in the early days just highlighted to me how self centred MIL is and will always be.

How I wish I had told her to go f* herself and get out of my house instead of feeling that to had to be "polite" and "fair"

Post this on Facebook (and tag MIL) or Print this off and stick it on your front door

Thumbwitch you can "report" photos to Facebook and tick the box "this is my child and I didn't give permission" and fbook is supposed to delete them

Did the conversation between your DH and MIL go well.

After the birth of my first, I was pretty sore and having a lot of MW appointments to check on my stitches (I was a bit of a mess). My MIL and own parents were overwhelming at this stage. MIL is big on FB, so I put up a status "cannot believe the baby is 11 days old and we are finally having a day by ourselves, no HV/MW or visitors, just us in our PJ's with the baby"

MIL liked it then rang DH asked a million Q's to DH about baby, hinted for her to be invited, but DH didn't cave. Things chill a little after.

Second born, she wasn't bothered and didn't come to visit in hospital when invited 😂

YANBU!!!!!
Get to your bed.
Take baby with you.
Hubby can be gatekeeper at the door!!
If she wants a cuppa she can make you one while she's at it.
Multi-task!?!? A baby is a multi-task!
When she comes round next get her to do the washing/cleaning so you can have uninterrupted time with baby and how you appreciate her coming round to help.
You're not being hormonal; you're being overly welcoming... tell her you need rest with the baby and if she moans tell her you're sorry she feels that way but that's how it is.
This is your time... take it!

Any update OP? How did the call go? X

Just how you put up with this is beyond me. Tell her to go home as you want to be alone with dh and new baby. No interaction, let her feel uncomfortable. Go to bed and dont come down.
She is either absolutely stupid and clueless if she thinks this is the way to ‘bond’ or manipulative and undermining. My money is on the later!

And you watch, another week and she’ll be asking to have the baby overnight!

She's indulging herself and being a selfish cow. For the love of god please do not let this woman steal anymore of these precious few days/ weeks where you should be getting to know your baby without her interference. Tell her to get lost.

Classic narcissist behaviour.

I did text her back yesterday. More and more hints and being invited but instead I just told her I was having catheter removed, DH was fine, kind of stuck to the facts and just mentioned DC was fine. She kept hinting and in the end starting texting DH asking how her 'two special girls' were...at this point I just burst into hysterical laughter.ME? One of her SPECIAL girls? Jeez it must have killed her to grovel like that!!

She then text me five or six more times saying she missed DC dearly and she wanted to hug her. I didn't reply until I went to bed but jus let responded to say yes, we had enjoyed our day, and we intended to enjoy every single moment as we had waited for this for over ten years and that we had been through hell and back to get here and now that we are we intended to enjoy every second.

I think it must have taken her aback slightly as she didn't text back after that.

Who knows what today holds. One good thing, now the catheter has gone and I'm up and about more I will be able to leave the house and take refuge (hide!) at my mums for a bit!

Top work. Good for you. Did DH find it funny too?

Enjoy these days. Well, as much as any of us ever can with pain and no sleep!

Go OP! :) I too know the joy of having catheter removed. Enjoy your new found freedom!

Keep your dressing gown near the door. If she comes to the door, put it on and say
"so good to see you, we are resting upstairs but if you can put the kettle on that would be great."

Get in there first and give her stuff to do. She can't refuse without looking bad and you can get some rest and peace.

My MIL has just been to stay and I have a 9 week old with emcs. She is only 65 but very nervous about being old and injuring herself even though she has never suffered any issues. She had me humping the pram up the steps to the house for her, getting the ironing board from the cellar and even carrying her case down from her room. Until Saturday morning when my back went into spasm. On Sunday she still asked me to lug the pram as she was too nervous to do it herself!

Don't be like me OP!!

Oh no @Situp god I feel lucky by comparison at least all she is asking for is tea! I just wonder what goes on in these peoples minds! I just don't understand how people can be so inappropriate, I would be mortified if I thought I'd behaved like that.

I think in my MIL's case her selfishness just takes over and she's more interested in getting the newest photos for Facebook to stop and actually reflect on her behaviour. Either that or she doesn't give a shit at all!

She's the loser. If she behaved like a normal human being she wouldn't be in this situation, would she? Have a lovely MiL free day today.

Well done for standing your ground but bloody hell: why are some people like this?

Don't give her information! It's none of her business where your catheter is.

If you do that you are opening a conversation and giving her ammunition and a chance to try and batter down your reasons.

Say nothing. Don't tell her you won't be in. Let her (like my MIL) turn up when there is no one home.

Did she give you space today?

Has your dh made any phone calls or texts to her regarding boundaries x

She's given me some space today, I'm thinking as she is working today she wasn't going to be planning to come round anyway. Hopefully she has realised we need a bit of space, although she did text DH stating that she was looking forward to a long weekend so I'm a bit worried that it might revert back over the weekend again.

Maybe a visit once per week might be ok, TBH even that is weird, I literally run out of things to talk abut with her after about 10 mins as we essentially don't know each other, so to be in a situation where I have to sit with her for hours at a time just seems stressful!

Nice to have had a couple of days off from her though! Feel I've regained my sanity somewhat!!

Text every one to stay away as you've got the sickness bug so hopefully you'll get a peaceful long weekend.