To not lend money to a "friend"

[littletykeboy]

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

If £80 is easy for you, you could do it. It £80 is a big ask and you will go short, then don't.

Agreed. If it's a drop in the ocean, I'd do it but wouldn't expect the return. She's desperate.

YANBU. I would say no. She already owes you money and only contacts you when she needs money. Never a lender or a borrower be!

I'm so conflicted still, I'm not sure I'll get it back and I really need it to move, but then I've almost got all the money to move, but it's almost £100.

Only lend the money you can afford to lose.

I know it’s awful seeing someone really struggling but we’ve also got all our own responsibilities without feeling responsible for others.

I’d tell her you are really sorry but the week before pay day you just don’t have £80 spare..
Reminder her you were happy to help before and would support her if you could.

A flat "no, sorry, i can't help".

Repeat ad infinitum if she texts back.

Not your circus, not your monkey.

She is an adult with a child and must make adult decisions. It isn't your fault she cannot make adult decisions.

Don't tell her 'have you tried x/t/z?' and make suggestions. Just leave her to it.

I'll lend a (very good/close) friend a fiver or a tenner, but nothing bigger, and certainly not to people i rarely hear from.

Don't be a mug. Be strong

If you can;t afford to lose the £80, don't lend it. And don't give it a second thought - she will know other people she can borrow money from. She probably started with you because she knows she won't need to pay you back.

No don't do it or you will be creating a precedent. Even if she pays you back next week whos to say she wont be back in a fortnight asking for the shortfall for that weeks payment.

Unless you cam genuinely afford it AND harden your heart to say no to future requests then I would say a very firm no.

"sorry things are so tough. Im not in a position to lend money at the moment and also youve not yet paid me back the previous £80 you borrowed. I hope you find a solution but I cant help"

Don't do it. You will not get the money back, as you have already learned!

If you lend her money again, after she has already failed to pay you back, she will just keep asking for more and more.

Just reply no, you don't have it.

I think it is odd that it is the same amount as before. I wonder if she is being honest with you and it is really for something else.

My advice is don’t do it. She isn’t a friend.

I wouldn't. She didn't pay you back when you were close so it's highly unlikely she'll pay it back now.

Also you have to question why is she asking someone who she barely sees. Is it because she has exhausted all other friend's as she hasn't paid them back too

I would if it was a really good friend but she is not , is she ?
She is using you

No don't do it. You won't get it back.

Unless you want to ‘give’ her the money, tell her you don’t have any spare. There’s a reason her bank/cc/loan companies won’t lend it to her. They will not get it back. And neither will you.
So what if she takes umbrage and doesn’t contact you? No change then.
Her financial position is not your responsibility and she is is not a friend, making it so. You helped once and she obviously didn’t appreciate that as she didn’t even have the grace to pay it back.
Personally, I’d say no.

She’s not really your friend is she? Just say no.

She's already presumed your going to help by sending you her bank details! No I wouldnt, she's not interested in your friendship she's interested in your money ! . Just say you haven't got it

I would say don’t do it too. She’s not bothered with you, still owes you money.
If she could have the money by Wednesday and she’s working, she could have negotiated with landlord and solicitor.

I'd be honest

Sorry to hear that your struggling but you didn't pay the last loan back and only seem to contact me when you need money. Hope you find a solution.

You say you can’t afford to lose it, so don’t lend it. She had 18 months to pay £80 and hasn’t sounds like you’d have no chance of seeing any future lending again. What would happen if she couldn’t pay her rent the following week? Would she ask again? She’s better off telling her solicitor/the person she owes money to that she can’t get the remaining £80 until the weds, due to pay dates, but can pay the majority on Monday. That was she is still keeping her agreement to pay £250 for the week.

Sending her bank details sounds a bit presumptuous. It’s hard to see people struggling but if she can’t afford her rent she might actually be better going through the eviction route and having a chance of getting social housing, with cheaper rent. The council won’t let her and her son be without a roof over their head.

No. Not unless you're happy to view the "loan" as a gift and can afford it. She didn't repay you last time, chances are this time will not be any different. Prioritise your family.

You describe her as a friend but you have only seen her once in the past year? You cant be her only friend/acquaintance, she must have others so let them lend her the £80. It sounds like you will struggle to afford it and she never paid back the other loan. I bet if you asked for the bank details for her landlord to pay direct rather than into her bank account, you might hear a few swiftly thought up excuses!!

You clearly can't afford it, so you must put yourself and your own family first

Even with a close friend, in your own tough situation
However, she isn't your friend at all, just someone who contacts you only when she needs money

You'd be less short now, if you hadn't given her that £80

There's a reason she's got in touch with someone she's made no effort with for a year. Either she thinks you are a soft touch and will give her another £80, or she's run out of people closer to her to ask. Both mean you'll not be "lending" £80, you'll be "giving" £80.

Also, her solicitor won't have made an arrangement that she had no chance of keeping. She's just chosen to prioritise other things.