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Original poster

To not lend money to a "friend"

276 replies

littletykeboy · 24/03/2018 09:25

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

OP posts:
ballerini · 24/03/2018 10:37

Forget whether you can afford it - are you a mug or not?
If you are then maybe you should pay the full £250.
If you have self-respect and don't think it's right for people to walk all over you (or anyone else) then definitely don't give her the money.
Next time you're struggling and wish you had an extra £10 or so why not wonder what would have happened to the £80 the first time if you had kept it!
I "lent" someone a tenner when I was 17 and I still regret it and think about it sometimes 15 years later

ISpeakJive · 24/03/2018 10:38

Both times £80? Don’t think I believe her...

BadLad · 24/03/2018 10:38

She sounds like one of these borrowers who forget the topic of repayment except when she's asking for the loan.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/03/2018 10:38

Exactly, I don't, you need to be upfront and blunt with her. She is not your friend.

CoraPirbright · 24/03/2018 10:39

“Ah I am glad you brought this up. Money is really tight at the moment so there is no way I can lend you £80 but I want to know when you are going to pay me back the £80 I lent you last year?”

You wont see her for dust.

Jessikita · 24/03/2018 10:40

I’d say no. I never loan money to anyone and certainly wouldn’t if they never paid me back before.

ArchchancellorsHat · 24/03/2018 10:42

I wouldn't. She's not your friend, if she was she'd have been in contact for the last year. As pp have pointed out, she's either burned through everyone else or sees you as a soft touch. Ignore the text if you can't bring yourself to reply - a year is a long time and you might have changed numbers in that time.

Also, you don't actually know she's being evicted. If she has a repayment plan set up, any business worth it's fee would have taken care to set a repayment plan at an affordable level having taken income and expenditure into account. The courts do, or did when I worked with bad debt.

Lemons1571 · 24/03/2018 10:42

Her being unable to fund her home is not your responsibility. If she has a solicitor but no money, presumably they can signpost her to organisations that can help.

I would say that you can’t gift money as it affects your tax allowances for the year (which is true, ok not income tax allowances, but there are limits on gifting), then offer to go with her to Shelter, CAB or similar if it comes to it. Imagine she’ll find excuses that that won’t work, then go radio silence on you.

LagunaBubbles · 24/03/2018 10:42

Tell her not to patronise you by saying she'll repay it. Give it as a gift and tell her never again. I think that's what I would do

What seriously?? No wonder some people get away with outrageous behaviour when there's people that enable them to walk all over them.

LookyLooky · 24/03/2018 10:42

no sorry, you already owe me £80 from 18 months ago

That’s how I’d respond. She isn’t a friend. Friends don’t borrow money and ‘forget’ to pay it back for 18 months.

LagunaBubbles · 24/03/2018 10:43

I would also be suspicious of the "eviction" story to if I was you OP.

RedForFilth · 24/03/2018 10:44

If you need to borrow money to keep a roof over your childs head then you should make sure you pay them back as no one will lend to you again. I say this as a single parent who has struggled.

I wouldn't give it to her, I have a rule that I'll lend to friends but the first time I don't get it paid back is the last time I lend. I also think she's probably lying about what it's for.

Petalflowers · 24/03/2018 10:45

No, don’t ‘lend’ her any money. You will never see it again, plus you are not in a position financially to give it to her.

The chances are she has been requesting money of all her ‘friends’ and you are next on the list as all the others have now said ‘no’.

If you say ‘yes’ now, she will see you as a cash cow, and keep asking you.

As others have said, she is not a friend, but an acquaintance.

juneau · 24/03/2018 10:45

no sorry, you already owe me £80 from 18 months ago

This^

Annechristmas · 24/03/2018 10:46

It's a bit odd that she's asking for the exact same amount that she got off you before. She must think because she got away with fleecing you of £80 she can do it again especially as you haven't asked for that back.

ApproachingATunnel · 24/03/2018 10:46

I see a pattern here, do you? She borrowed £80 in the past and hasnt repayed and as you let it go decided this is the amount you can afford to lose without kicking up a fuss.

Don’t go there. She wont repay you. Im sure there will be a string of ppl she is borrowing from.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 24/03/2018 10:47

I'd say "I'm glad you're working. I'm really skint and was going to ask you for that £80 back. Please can you pay it back when you get paid on Wednesday?"

You won't hear from her again Grin

Lacucuracha · 24/03/2018 10:47

Funny how it's £80 she needs again Hmm

You won't get the money back OP, she's no longer a friend and she nay not even be telling the truth.

I wouldn't give her a penny.

ConciseandNice · 24/03/2018 10:48

Say that you are very sorry that she has found herself in this situation. It happens. Ask if her solicitor has signposted help and organisations that can help her longer term with dealing with finances. DOn't mention the money and see what she comes back with. She'll see that you are playing hard ball from the outset without you even having to say no. If she says that she hasn't been helped at all (which will be a lie as the solicitor wouldn't be doing their job), then say that you can't afford it and that you are sorry. Your family come first. They have to.

Sunflowersforever · 24/03/2018 10:48

*I'd be honest

Sorry to hear that your struggling but you didn't pay the last loan back and only seem to contact me when you need money. Hope you find a solution.*
*
Love this answer!*

Bluesmartiesarebest · 24/03/2018 10:48
  1. Don't lend her any more money.
  2. Remind her that she still owes you £80 from last time.
  3. Give her the phone number of a debt counselling service. I doubt you will hear from her again.

If she pays £170 of the £250 owed on Monday with a promise of paying the rest by Wednesday it should be enough to satisfy the solicitor. I think it's too much of a coincidence that it's exactly the same amount of money needed as last time and I would be highly suspicious that this 'friend' sees you as a soft touch.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 24/03/2018 10:50

Only you know your friend and how genuine she is. She could be a cheeky fucker or she could be absolutely desperate with no one to turn to.

You could insist that she sets up a direct debit with £20 going into your account for 8 weeks. That'd be your £160 repaid.

If you want to refuse then do that. Suggest other ways she could raise £80. Then move on and don't feel guilty.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 24/03/2018 10:54

of course not

If she hasn't made any effort to contact you and refund the money she owes you already, she is taking the piss.

It's not just about the amount, which you can't really afford, it's about attitude.

RedForFilth · 24/03/2018 10:55

I'm glad you're working. I'm really skint and was going to ask you for that £80 back. Please can you pay it back when you get paid on Wednesday? that's actually a good response! I honestly don't know how people are so bloody cheeky. Not repaying a loan then asking for more!

ILikeyourHairyHands · 24/03/2018 11:05

Nope, you'll never see it again and she is blatantly using you.

And I say that as someone who is happy to lend money to friends. She's not your friend though.

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