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Original poster

To not lend money to a "friend"

276 replies

littletykeboy · 24/03/2018 09:25

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

OP posts:
lukeymom · 25/03/2018 21:54

People like this always ask for money off people they know,and mostly don't pay it back. If you keep bailing her out she will not learn to stand on her own two feet.
But if you think you can afford to lose some more money then lend it to her. There will be other things she'll need money more and it will be you she'll keep asking from.

Advicewouldbelovelyta · 25/03/2018 22:01

You should've sent your bank details when as long her to pay you back :p

Prtf1345 · 25/03/2018 22:21

Send her your bank details next month- if she’s being so cheeky with your money, I don’t see why you can’t be bold and send your bank details for money you are owed?!

Also why doesn’t she just pay back the money she said she’d pay you back on Wednesday? Did that mysteriously disappear?!

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 25/03/2018 23:16

You have to wonder what sort of nation we live in when a single mum with a four year old child faces eviction and possible homelessness.

OP has already said the eviction story was trotted out last year too, they are having a party for the daughters 21st which surely would have been scrapped if they so desperately needed the money to avoid "eviction" and other posters have pointed out that her figures don't add up or she could work through it with her solicitor. Plus it's exactly the same amount as last time and also the going rate for a very popular bag of something naughty ...

It's nice to be nice but not totally naive and gullible ...

peachdribble · 25/03/2018 23:18

She needs to speak to her ‘solicitor’ about arranging payments back to you before she asks you to lend her any more - and then she need to deal with whichever addiction has landed her in this mess...imho

Superwomaninmysparetime · 26/03/2018 00:12

Definitely say no.. even if you could afford to loose the money. I work with people who can’t pay rent.. at court they get a duty free solicitor, who draws out a disposable income on affordability. Payments can be as little as rent plus £20 a month!!

Every judge I have ever dealt with gives several chances to the tenant to pay the agreed amount. I’m not convinced she’s telling you the truth or that she’s a friend.

CF.. giving you her bank details!! Tell her you can’t give her any money.. but offer to support her in court/with the duty solicitor (on the actual court day). I doubt she will take you up on that offer!! As I
Think she’s not telling you the truth!

gooseygoosegoose · 26/03/2018 00:36

I have a friend who is constantly on the poverty line. I have leant her money before, but I actually got it back. She's also a single mum so I've felt bad for her in the past. However she makes terrible decisions with money. She lives way beyond her means. Getting her eyelashes done, expensive trainers, gym membership, holidays, pets she can't afford. Then she can't figure out why she's in debt. Sometimes you just have to let people work it out themselves and not feel bad about not bailing them out.

Anniegetyourgun · 26/03/2018 06:59

Never Send Bank Details To Someone You Can't Trust 100%! Especially when you can be fairly sure they won't use them for the purpose you intended.

Original poster
littletykeboy · 26/03/2018 07:42

@echolalia oh I completely agree. I'm privately renting and the cost is extortionate, but she's in a council house, bigger than my place and a third of the price of my place too... where does it end? I'm working long hours to pay for my place as is my partner, it's not cheap or easy, she has so much less to pay...

OP posts:
shinysinkredemption · 26/03/2018 08:21

OP such a relief you stood firm and hopefully she won't ask again. Gooseygoosegoose I know someone close who does this - gets massively overwrought about being in debt but continues to spend as though the money fairy will visit anytime now. I honestly don't understand how people can spend money they don't have on stuff they don't need.

Tillybilly1 · 26/03/2018 10:58

Could easily be a scam unless she's asking in person too. I would decline, repeating that as she already owes you £x from xx xx and you really can't afford to lend more than you already have. You could help by extending date you expect money already lent back by but no more.

lb364 · 26/03/2018 11:11

I think it is odd that it is the same amount as before.

This. It's like she knows she can get away with not paying you this amount back.

Just say no, you'll see what she's really like. Look after yourself.

SherbrookeFosterer · 26/03/2018 14:05

I never lend friends money. If I can, I just give them the money and say, "pay it forward one day when you are better placed". If I can't I just say so.

But in this case trust your instincts. If she only contacts you when you initiate contact or when she needs money, ask yourself how much worry space should her problems occupy in your mind.

Petrify · 26/03/2018 16:46

NO!! Unless you are daft x

Tina1959 · 27/03/2018 14:02

My good friend of 28 years got into trouble and was being evicted. She needed 4K and my dad had not long passed away and so I lent her the money (paid it by cheque directly to the housing association). I saw her every day for 8 months and not once did she attempt or offer me any of my money back so after 8 months I asked her. I seen her twice in the last 18 months. I went to her house, I rang her, I even wrote her a letter. No response. I’m now having to take her to court to get my money back. From my experience. I would say no that you don’t have it. Explain your situation to her after all she not a friend but an acquaintance especially if you have only seen her the twice in 12 months.

Imsosceptical · 27/03/2018 14:18

I am a compassionate person and $80 (pounds!) in the scheme of things wound seem insignificant, it is certainly not going to prevent and eviction and clearly your friend is in a deep hole that she is just trying to latch up temporarily with band aids, you’re not going to see that money again and I suspect it will not prevent the inevitable. If you care for her then maybe get in touch and offer some tangible support arranging alternative accommodation with her. 80 pound isn’t a great deal these days, if she has genuine employment I’m sure her boss could sub her an advance on wages, this is why I think it sounds like it’s much more serious so don’t chuck your money away as I’m sure you won’t grt it back but she clearly needs help and sometimes that’s not all down to cash xxx

Gilly12345 · 27/03/2018 20:23

You call her a friend but you don't see her and she only contacts you now as she claims to be in financial dire straits, I definitely would NOT lend/ give her money as she is using you as a cash point machine, sorry to seem mean spirited but you need to put yourself and your family first.

Gbtch · 27/03/2018 23:13

Only lend it to her if you can afford to give it to her. That's it.

Jeanneweany · 29/03/2018 02:18

Op. You mention you have saved up to move. I think the government runs a scheme where you be given the amount needed for a deposit. Had anyone else heard of this?
Your friend if on benefits and received a sanction or a debt for the shortfall for bedroom tax. This may lead to eviction. I agree with everyone and even when I was really poor would not have dreamed of not paying a loan back. So screw her.Grin

SmallBlondeMama · 29/03/2018 02:58

Definitely not. Especially since you guys aren't even close. She can't always be expecting hand outs.

gill0712 · 30/03/2018 18:17

hope you never need help

SparklyMagpie · 30/03/2018 19:03

@gill0712 are you the friend? Wink

gill0712 · 30/03/2018 19:26

not at all Smile
but have both borrowed and lent moneys over my life ...
what goes around comes around...
that doesn't mean act like a twerp and give cash away ....
but it also doesn’t mean condemn any poor unfortunate who needs s short term loan.
clearly the situation is not that sort of scenario...
and a loan is not appropriate in this situation....
but the , im all right jack view ....
of " neither a borrower or a lender be"

is both trite and unrealistic...
i presume they have no mortgage or credit card ...
our whole banking system works on borrowing and lending ...
any one with a mortgage is a borrower.
and of course they will pay it back...unlike the 80 pound debt in question here
but to condemn the whole system of borrowing and lending money is at best unrealistic and at worst unkind and condemnation

Fishface77 · 01/04/2018 09:15

@gill0712 did you read the thread?
Where op has already lent her £80 that hasn’t been paid back?

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

This woman is a cf.

gill0712 · 01/04/2018 09:24

which is why i said in my post that a loan in this situation is inappropriate ....

and yes i have read the thread .

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