To not lend money to a "friend"

[littletykeboy]

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

No YANBU. Only lend what you can afford to lose and even then only to people who you are actually close to not someone who only contacts you once in a blue moon to ask you to lend them money.
Just say "no sorry I can't afford to lend any money at the moment".

Would she lend it to you if the situation was reversed? Probably not as she knows she wouldn't get it back.

As previous posters have said, not your circus.

It'd probably be another year until you hear from her again and she wants something else. I'd say no.

No way!

She still owes £80 from 18 months ago.

Just say no. You are struggling and you were going to ask for the original £80 back but see she is also struggling. end by saying some platitude and leave it.

I understand your sympathy for her but look at the cold hard facts. She hasn’t paid you back the £80 you previously lent her. She has had no interest in being in contact with you all this time. Your only hearing from her because she wants something. You aren’t going to see this money again and how long before she asks you again? You can’t afford to give her it. Just tell her you can’t afford to lend it to her and drop contact with her. I’m sure she will find a way.

Tell her she can consider the £80 she's never paid back to be your contribution.

It’s a no from me. She already owes you 80 quid which she’s not paid back. So can you afford to lose another £80? So it’s actually £160 you’d lose in total.

Is simply text back with ‘no sorry, you already owe me £80 from 18 months ago’

Oh please why would you even consider this, shes not a friend. She knows you will probably be a soft touch and give it to her and that will be the last you will see of it. Her house her responsibility.

YANBU and I'm surprised by pp suggesting that you let history repeat itself by shelling out again. You'll give her the money, not see it again and not hear from her until she next needs something. She's a user who needs to learn how to manage her finances and not see friends as ATMs.

If she has she has seen you once in a year, never initiates contact and owes you 80 from 18 months, then this will be your goodbye/leaving present to her. She is not bothered about the friendship, she wants the money and when she has got the money, she will be off. You won't get it back.

If she is working and can prove she can pay it, ie payslips can they not wave it for a couple of days.

I hate it when people do this. Definitely don't loan it her, and I'd also remind her of the other £80 she still owes. CF

No way! She's no friend. Only contacts you when she wants money which she then fails to repay.

Surely there is only one obvious answer?

She hasn't paid you back from last time.
She doesn't see you or respond to your messages and has only texted you now for money.
You can't afford to lose £80.

It's a very obvious no. and don't feel guilty

I would tell her that you were hoping she would repay the £80 she still owes as you are also under financial pressure at the moment, but will hold on for that so as not to increase her burden.

Is simply text back with ‘no sorry, you already owe me £80 from 18 months ago’

This is how you respond.

ignore the message

Listen up OP, for your own sake, it has to be NO !
We cannot help all of the people, all of the time.

No

As you won't get it bk as before

Refuse and remind her of the £80 she still owes you.

I wouldnt, with that last £80 she could have paid like £10 a month.. thats literally £2.50 a week.. im sure she could have managed that and it would have been paid back by now.

She cant just turn up out of the blue and ask for money, she needs to ask close relatives/friends insteaf

She's not a real friend. She sees you as a soft spot. Tell her NO!
Never, ever, ever lend money!

No. you wont give you back the £160 ever. Cf to send bank details.

Difficult situation for you.
If it were me, if £80 was affordable, I think I'd give it to her but say as you do, please don't ask me to lend you money again. But I wouldn't expect to get it back, or for the friendship to survive.

I'd message and say you're sorry but can't afford to lose £80 and she hasn't repaid the money she borrowed last time
She will borrow from someone else, and doesn't really sound much of a friend

You've already said to us that you can't afford to lose that amount of money , and that you are moving and have been saving up for that.
It sounds to me as if you really don't have the spare cash, and that 80 pounds is a relatively large amount for you.
She won't pay you back - even if she wanted to, she won't be able to, because she already has debts she can't repay- so if you can't afford to write thus money off, don't lend it.
I'll bet she has asked other people first, who have all said no already, for these reasons.