To not lend money to a "friend"

[littletykeboy]

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

If you genuinely think she needs the money, you could go a bit Judge Rinder on her and say you will pay £80 directly to the solicitor so you need their details. You will require a written agreement signed by both of you which includes interest on the previous £80 loaned and a proper repayment plan which can be taken to court if she doesn't keep up payments. It's much easier to say no!

Sorry but you won’t see it again and she’s not a real friend.

You can't afford it.
She hasn't paid you the 80 quid she owes you in a year.
You won't get the money back.
She's not a friend - she only contacts you when she needs money.

Why on earth are you even considering this?

I go by the reasoning of only lending out what I can afford to be not be returned.

If you were to lend the friend the money, have it all written down and signed (amount borrowed and date to be repaid) so should you need to take it to small claims, you have your signed evidence

'If you genuinely think she needs the money, you could go a bit Judge Rinder on her and say you will pay £80 directly to the solicitor so you need their details. You will require a written agreement signed by both of you which includes interest on the previous £80 loaned and a proper repayment plan which can be taken to court if she doesn't keep up payments. It's much easier to say no'

This.

She barely contacts you, you have no idea if her account is true, she may have told you something she thinks you won't be able to refuse without feeling wretched.

I would say you can't help, she didn't pay back the last 80 quid and you can't afford to lose another 80. Wish her well and then block her messages. Drastic, perhaps, but this stinks. And how very presumptuous of her to send her bank details WITH the request

She doesn't sound like a real friend if she only contacts you when she needs money and makes no effort at all to repay her "friend" even small amounts. Strange the amount she needs is exactly the same both times - wonder if it really is going to rent.

What does she do to maintain the friendship - does she help you out?

littletykeboy

I would say no.

It doesn't sound like you can afford to lose it, she hasn't paid you back before, she only seems to turn up asking for money, and it was rude and presumptuous for her to send her bank details.

I would think she could get a payday loan under the circumstances but probably doesn't want to because she'd actually have to pay them back.

Why is her problem your problem?

She is being evicted (through her own actions, I assume) and this is not your problem.

She still owes you money. This is your problem.

Don't give more.

Don’t be ridiculous.

She’s a user who has you down as a soft touch.

Just tell her you don’t have it.

It doesn't sound as if you can afford to lose it. Tell her no. That you don't have it to give.

To OP

Best way to lose friends is to lend them money.

If you value her as a trusted friend and think she is stuck through no fault of her own (bad money management) and you can afford to lose it then lend it to her.

But none of that seems to apply here.

She is not a trusted friend as she has never attempted to pay you money back that you lent a year ago and you rarely hear from her.
You can't afford it.

It is ok to say no you cant afford to lose it just now. If she says you'll get it back on Wednesday then say she still owes you £80 from last year which she never returned and you really cant afford that risk again right now as you are strapped for cash yourself. If she is a friend she'll understand and appreciate your honesty (and apologise!), if she isn't then at least you know.

A simple no.

In these circumstances I wouldn’t.

I feel sorry for her but I don't think I would in this situation. Her sending her bank details through means nothing, she said she would pay the other money back too.

She obviously does not think of you as a friend. She has borrowed a not inconsiderable amount of money from you before and not bothered to repay it and hasn't contacted you off her own back in a year.

She is a user, and yes she may be desperate at this minute but she hasn't had any time for you for a year.

If I had the money to give away it might be different, but then again I would probably want to give it away to a friend.

She is not your responsibility. Surely she has family or closer friends who can help her out? The fact that you've hardly heard from her until she wants money makes me think she's a user. I wouldn't be giving her anything.

And who sends bank details without the person agreeing to the lend?? She's a Cf and sees you as a soft touch Op.

No, tell her she hasn’t paid you back for the £9 she stil owes you. That should make her go away.

I wouldn't - she hasn't paid you the last lot back and has obviously no interest in you unless she needs something .. I'm sure she must have someone else who could lend her it if she's working and anyway it's not your problem - she isn't much of a friend

Sorry typo meant to write £80. I really think this woman is a piss taker cos she hasn’t been in touch for a year and just pops up periodically to two you for money.

Sorry again fat fingers! Meant to write tap you! You are obviously a kind hearted soul and she has picked up on that. But you are not a bank and it seems like quite a one way relationship.

I would be incluned to lend it tbh but offer to pay directly to her solicitor and make it clear that it is more than you can afford to give and can’t possibly lend any more.
a) if it’s not genuine she will refuse to have gou pay the solicitor
b) if it is genuine, you will sleep easy knowing you have done a good deed and prevented a young child becoming homeless.
c) you may get the money back on Wednesday.
d) if you don’t get it back / she asks for money again, you can draw a line under the friendship with clear conscience as you know you did all you could.

Of course it really depends how short of cash you are yourself. Don’t lend it if it will mean significant hardship for your family.

Never lend money to someone who never repaid a previous loan. They see you as a human cash machine.

I'd reply "Sorry, you still haven't repaid me the £80 I lent you last year and money's tight for me at the moment."

Tell her the truth,that you can't afford to give her a further £80.

Im also of the opinion that it's 80 again, also it's Saturday and this is the amount DS spends on a Saturday night when he goes into the city.

Are you paying for her night out?

Definitely no! She hasn't made any effort to repay the previous loan, like staying in touch and explaining.
In contrast, I once lent a friend a deposit for a flat. Stuff happened. She couldn't pay it back as planned. But she was in contact every month or so because we were friends, and she set up a standing order to pay about £20 a month. It took a couple years rather than a couple months but I got the money back.

I'd lend her money again that I could afford. I wouldn't to someone who just went silent and then asked for more.