To not lend money to a "friend"

[littletykeboy]

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

I've been there, lent money to a friend who was desperate. Don't expect I will get it back either. I am usually the one who contacts. I think some people have no scruples/chip on their shoulder/whatever...

Also agree with no.
1)You don’t hear from her so you have no idea if she’s telling the truth and 2) you can’t afford it 3) she won’t pay it back

Never lend to anyone more than you can afford to lose!

She is a CF.
I'd send a message "Sorry can't help we're a bit skint, when you get straight can you give me back the £80 I lent you last time. Thanks."

If you can afford the money give it to her. If you can't, don't.

OP I have added up everyone's answers for you and the number of people saying don't lend her the money is ever so slightly more than those who say lend it.

It was a close run though.

@littletykeboy

This would be a NO from me. Even if I could afford to lose the money.

She never contacts you, you have not seen her for a year , she only messages you when she wants money, and she never gave the last 'loan' back.

I am all for helping friends in need (if you are able to,) but I refuse to be taken for a mug by someone who gives zero shits about me.

I have met her type before, and have had them in my life. I have cut them loose, and binned them. This is what you need to do with her.

She is NOT your friend.

I am also willing to bet that if YOU needed help, she would be nowhere to be found. And even if you did track her down, she wouldn't help; even if she could. As I said, I know this type of person. (I think everyone does actually!)

They are users who never give anything back, or do anything for anyone else. In addition, everything wrong in their life is everyone else's fault, and they complain about how shit their life is and how much better off everyone else is, but they never do anything to change their situation.

As I said, bin her, and don't give her anything.

There's nothing to be torn about. She never paid you back. You need the money to move. She won't pay you back. You can't afford it. You have to tell her no. 'Sorry, I don't have any money to lend. Wish you the best of luck.x'

As she has a job, she can ask for an advance against her wages.

You can't afford to lose another 80 quid. That would make 160 of yours she's got, which if you had it would make you considerably closer to your aim of moving, wouldn't it?

It would be different if she'd repaid what you've already lent, but she hasn't. I suspect, as you've not heard from her ages, she's asking you only because she's run out of people to ask - everyone she sees regularly has refused her presumably. There'll be a reason for that.

she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week

I think she's bullshitting you - no solicitor/agency would make a repayment plan of £137 per week unless the person was earning megabucks....

Offer to buy/order/voucher for her groceries if your worried about them going hungry, but don't give away yet more money to someone who only thinks of you when they want something from you.

Something is very off with what she is saying, anyway that is not your problem. She messaged you with her bank details, what a CF . No sorry I can't afford it after the last time I lent you money and you did not pay me back.

totally agree Kimanda my "friend" has been on benefits her whole life - when I helped her move house I was totally shocked at the amount of "stuff" she had - much much more than me and I have worked my whole life. All bought on benefits. Also her fridge was packed with food - whereas I budget purely to meals we eat. interestingly when i moved she didn't reply to me for days and then said why didn't you tell me I would have helped!
I am not one to ask for help though and I prefer it that way

I know what you mean @monkey4 I know a few people like you mention! And they always have shitloads.

Probably coz they beg borrow and cadge all their lives, off people who are daft/soft/gullible enough to keep believing their bullshit sob stories..........

Hi all!

Just wanted to say a thanks to you all as you've given me the strength to say no, I'll be using @CoraPirbright suggestion of

Ah I am glad you brought this up. Money is really tight at the moment so there is no way I can lend you £80 but I want to know when you are going to pay me back the £80 I lent you last year?”

Also what's interesting is that I know it's her daughters birthday today and I know they do parties, so who knows wether this is to fund that as I'm sure the eviction story surfaced a year ago as well. Also to whoever said about £137 per week only being if you make mega bucks, that sounds interesting, because she certainly doesn't!

Any way I haven't replied yet but am going to in a minute.

Well done OP!

Ok I've just replied but ended up sending this instead

I’ve been thinking about this all day and I just can’t help you out, you still owe me £80 from over a year ago and I can’t see how you’ll pay me back Wednesday if you have to pay £137 too. I can’t afford to lose the money as we’re desperately trying to move because of our own situation. Hope you get it sorted

That sounds absolutely fair enough

I preferred the first version. I expect you'll get a load of promises now that she can pay you back etc. The first version would have put it to bed completely.

Well done for saying no though. Don't cave.

I'm not going to cave, I really can't afford to lose the money! We're trying so so hard to save up

Do what judge rinder says and write down she owes you £80 (or £160) this must be paid back in full on Wednesday (date month year) get her to sign it and photo her signing it. Bit extreme but if you be watched the shoe then you'll know.

Well done OP, I'm sure it's a weight off your mind.
I wonder how many more people she sent her bank details to, it makes you think doesn't it !

Well done op

F.

well done OP - stay strong!

Funnily enough she hasn't replied to me

Good for you littletykeboy!