To not lend money to a "friend"

[littletykeboy]

I have a friend who is struggling,

I say "friend" because in the past year I've seen her once and not heard from her at all, only if I message first.

About 18 months ago we were quite close and I loaned her £80, she hasn't repaid this.

Now today she's messaged me saying she's got an eviction on the house, she's got a solicitor who has made an agreement that she needs to pay £250 by Monday and then £137 every week.

She said she now has a job but doesn't get her first pay until Wednesday.

Then she had said she is short £80 for the £250 due Monday.

And asked if I can lend it to her and then sent her bank details through, telling me I'll get it back Wednesday.

What do I do? Would I be unreasonable to say no? She has a 4 year old son and is single, but we're trying to save to move as we're in a bit of a situation ourselves and I can't afford to "lend" £80 as I can't afford to lose that money. But then I see her losing her home :/

You’re either the first person she has contacted or you’re the last.

If you’re the first than it’s because she views you as a soft spot. If you’re the last then she has burned through everyone else she is closer with.

She's not really a friend is she op! She sounds like the type of person who only contacts you when she wants money. She did not pay you back last time. How many crisis do you have to bail her out before you say enough! Its the principle. It would be a no from me.

I think if you say no, she will just ask someone else.

She isn’t a friend, you’ve already said on here you can’t afford to lose the £80. Text back ‘no, i’m sorry I can’t help’. Repeat as necessary. Sorry if this sounds harsh op, but I think if you do this, you’ll be asked again and again.

As someone said upthread ‘not your circus, not your monkeys’.

I think I'd say no. Because she is cheeky not paying back the money she already owes you. And then asking for more. Even if I could afford it I'd be reluctant. And you can't afford it so no is the only possible answer. And not sure if I'd even believe these tales of having a job and not getting paid and yet owing all this money. No it's dodgy.

Cheeky fucker.

Just say no!

No No no. She is a cf and not even a real friend if you barely hear from her. Tell her no. You need the money for your own move and she already owes you £80 that you actually need back so please can she contact you about making repayments starting next month. Don't feel guilty op. She is not your responsibility

No I wouldn’t lend her money. She hasn’t paid you back from the last lot and I doubt you’ll see any other debt repaid.

No sorry. I’m a bit short myself as you still haven’t paid back the £80 from before.

I'd maybe say yes out of guilt and remind her she still owes you £80 and say you want both back!

Good luck OP

£80 is affordable to me, but I would still say NO. She hasn't repaid the last 80, hasn't been near you in a year, and I would be suspicious she needs it for her rent.

Tell her sorry no, you still owe me eighty quid. And leave it at that, she isn't a friend, she is a parasite.

Maybe I'm too soft but I'd give her what I could afford. Maybe half of it?
She's a single mum with a young child on the verge of getting evicted. That's a horrific situation I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

I think it's harsh to think it's her fault for falling into arrears. She must be struggling and I doubt she's frittering money away on other things.

Tell her not to patronise you by saying she'll repay it. Give it as a gift and tell her never again.
I think that's what I'd do.

If you cannot afford to give her anything, she can get a Payday loan for £80* and will have to pay it back with £30 interest on top next week.
*not paying it back on payday will result in enormous interest rates.

"No"

The fact that she included her bank details with the message makes it appear she doesn't expect you to say no, and that is very unfair of her to put that type of pressure on you. Like others have said, if you can afford to lose it then yes, but in your position it doesn't sound like a good idea. Don't justify your reasons, just say you can't help her out but wish her luck.

Do you actually believe her?

You are not mean and it is not your fault if she is on the edge of eviction.

You cannot afford it.

This is the first time she has contacted you, she only has with a request for money and her bank details!

She still owes you from before.

If you cannot afford £80 think what you could have used the last £80 all these times.

She has to pay £137 a week on top of the rest of her rent. She will never be able to pay you back. She may well hit you up for more again!

Would you give £80 to any other charity who you feel sorry for but aren't actually personally involved with as they can't be bothered to keep in contact? This is in effect what you would be doing.

Think about it she has not contacted you in 18 months, probably aware of the fact she still owes you, you are probably at the end of a long list of people she has "borrowed" from and they have presumably have said no so she has come to you in desperation.

Can you afford to lose 80 pounds? No, you can't. You sound like a nice kind person who likes to help out her friends when they are up against it. However she has taken advantage in the past, and you don't have that amount "spare" ie available to give to her.
However much she promises to return it you know it is highly unlikely that she will, also that she will cease contact if you refuse to , so you will know exactly how she sees you.
Just tell her you don't have it spare, it is the truth after all.
She is not your problem or responsibilty.

No. I don't have any extra money.

Hell no! She isn't a friend she just wants money. You can't afford to give it to her, so don't . just message back 'no'.

She obviously doesn't see you as a friend or respect you enough to pay you back.

It's an awful situation for her, but it's not your responsibility to pay her back.

Tell her you're sorry, but you can't.

It will be £160 in total and that's an awful lot of money.

This is an obvious no. You can’t afford to give her the money and she’s already proved that she has no issue with not paying you back money you’ve lent over a year later. The fact she’s asking you to lend it to her rather than give her the money is sneaky and she knows you will possibly be handing over money you can’t afford to do without.
I wouldn’t even respond tbh. She’s not a friend unless she wants money.

You can't afford it - so it has to be No.

Has she nobody else at all to ask - hopefully with more money that you?

She may be coming to you first because:

1. You give her money without conditions.
2. You don't insist she gives it back
3. She doesn't see you anyway, so NOT giving it back is easy - which it might not be if she borrows from a family member, or someone she sees a lot.

Definite No from me

She's not a friend. She's someone you know.
She owes you £80 she's had no intention of repaying. She's now hitting you for more money.

no.sorry, I can't afford to lose another £80, I'm moving and need all the cash I can get myself. I really hope you get something sorted but I just can't do it.

Sometimes you have to be super blunt to get through to this kind of person.