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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about this argument with my wife?

156 replies

GregVegas · 23/03/2018 16:40

hi there

i need some advice

my wife and i are moving abroad on sunday and are in the process of packing and getting the house sorted ready to be rented out

my wife told me i was in charge of taking rubbish / unwanted items to the dump and she would pack everything else. she was making piles of 'wanted' and 'unwanted' and she accidentally put a personal possession of hers in the unwanted pile. i then took it to the dump.

this morning she asked me where the item was and i said i was pretty sure it had been put in an 'unwanted' bag and that i'd chucked it. she got really angry and started ranting about how im so unthoughtful and how i should have known she wanted to keep this thing and how it was all my fault.

i was tired and not in the mood for screaming and shouting so i went to walk out of the room, she grabbed my arm to pull me back so i turned around and pushed her, she fell over.

she is still not talking to me and claims i hit her.

i just wanted her to let me go so i could calm down and she wouldnt let me. she is still not speaking to me.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 16:42

She was in the wrong twice, are you sure you want to leave the country with her?

Pengggwn · 23/03/2018 16:46

It depends how hard you pushed her, to be honest. Sounds like she was being a twat, but I'm not sure pushing her so hard she fell over was proportionate.

Grimbles · 23/03/2018 16:48

Wow, 2 separate threads about spouses coming to blows over the stress of moving!

She shouldn't have grabbed you, and you shouldn't have pushed her. Both of you are in the wrong

Maybe let the dust settles and try to talk to her when you have both calmed down

Corblimeyguv · 23/03/2018 16:52

It’s a stressful time. No excuse if you deliberately pushed with any force or in anger, but things will get heated with an international move- I have done it several times and it’s always been a time if massive pressure.

You need to start with an apology for pushing her, which was clearly too hard and should not have happened. You can’t change what went to the dump and she shouldn’t expect you to have picked this one item out. Her fault, but I think it’s stress talking. Take a deep breath, and encourage her to do the same.

Great if luck with the move.

NathusiusPip · 23/03/2018 16:55

How hard did you push her? Pushing her hard enough that she fell over sounds like a pretty hard shove, unless she was off balance in the first place. She shouldn't have been pulling you, though.

What was the item? Was it something very obviously precious? If so, maybe she has a bit of a point that you could have checked with her, but otherwise, no - if she put it in the unwanted pile then it's her fault and her responsibility!

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 16:56

Oh. This is a test. Amirite?

MissionItsPossible · 23/03/2018 16:56

I have raised this before but people said it doesn't happen and it's just that it's a hot topic but why is it that people make threads about exactly the same subject? There was another 'AIBU to be confused by 'mom'' one the other day, the 4th one in days. I'm now fully expecting to see in the next few days "AIBU? I was stressed about moving and my 2 year old DS asked for a biscuit so I kicked him in the face and now he's lying face down on the floor unconscious with blood gushing out of his head."

MN: Log it with 111.

SpringHen · 23/03/2018 16:57

She shouldn't have grabbed you, and you shouldn't have pushed her
So what SHOULD you do if someone aggressively grabs you?

Ive taught all of my kids basic break-away including a 2 handed shove.

MissionItsPossible · 23/03/2018 16:58

Although yes, wouldn't be surprised if this was some sort of "test"

MagneticMan · 23/03/2018 17:04

I have raised this before but people said it doesn't happen and it's just that it's a hot topic but why is it that people make threads about exactly the same subject?

A bit like the recent spate of ankle injuries and querying whether to go to A&E. Four threads in the space of about 24 hours, it was bizarre.

Original poster
GregVegas · 23/03/2018 17:09

im sorry i dont know what you mean by a test?

maybe i was forceful in pushing her however she grabbed my arm with force and would not let go. being totally honest she has never given me space when i needed it and i guess i just snapped

OP posts:
PrizeOik · 23/03/2018 17:12

I would not emigrate with this person.

ReanimatedSGB · 23/03/2018 17:14

Hmm. It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship, but I also sniff out 'abusive man self-justification', somehow. You threw away something which belonged to her, she objected, she took hold of your arm and you pushed her over... And now it's all her fault because she 'never gives you space'?

Pengggwn · 23/03/2018 17:16

For me, the main thing is that you don't sound sorry even in the slightest.

You pushed her over. Did you hurt her?

Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 17:17

You threw away something which belonged to her, she objected, she took hold of your arm and you pushed her over... And now it's all her fault because she 'never gives you space'?

He threw away lots of stuff that belonged to her that she'd put in a throw out pile bloody hell. She got physical first and he was trying to get her off him. I'm as feminist as they come but feminism means equality, not excusing womens bad behaviour and if it happened like the OP said then the wife was bang out of order, twice

Juells · 23/03/2018 17:20

AIBU? I was stressed about moving and my 2 year old DS asked for a biscuit so I kicked him in the face and now he's lying face down on the floor unconscious with blood gushing out of his head

AIBU to have laughed out loud at this? Confused

Trinity66 · 23/03/2018 17:21

AIBU to have laughed out loud at this?

No Grin

OnionKnight · 23/03/2018 17:21

She sounds like a cunt, I wouldn't be moving with her.

TheBakeryQueen · 23/03/2018 17:23

She was in the wrong to begin with but I wouldn't stay with a 'man' who pushed me so hard that I fell over.

Idontdowindows · 23/03/2018 17:38

You two don't actually sound all that compatible...

SusanBunch · 23/03/2018 17:38

Interesting first post. Is this a reverse?

Oh and pushing someone so hard that they fall over is not proportionate to them grabbing their arm by the way. Surprised anyone needs to ask. I don't think you should move in together.

MsHarry · 23/03/2018 17:39

You shouldn't have pushed her! She was upset at loosing something precious, that wasn't your fault but you pushed your already upset wife. YABU for that alone!

IAmMumWho · 23/03/2018 17:39

She was definitely in the wrong. Her fault for not checking with pile she's put said items in. And again for having a go at you. Don't beat yourself up over her mistake.

YearOfYouRemember · 23/03/2018 17:40

Purely on a few words she sounds demanding.

I would apologise for pushing her and then what happened next would depend on what she did. I might be unpacking somewhere here, alone

GabriellaMontez · 23/03/2018 17:42

Your response was totally disproportionate.

You weren't to blame for the bag.