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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have thrown the PS4 across the room.........

240 replies

HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 17:30

Feel a mixture of relief and guilt that I did it.

It's beyond repair.

DS(16) is extremely upset.

Backstory is:

He has SN, has been homeschooled for 4 months due to behaviour issues and anxiety. He has become fixated on gaming and will not self regulate, accept time limits or let his brothers play without massive tantrums. When he loses a game he has outbursts of anger and swearing and he can be irritable as he was this afternoon with his younger brother - he slapped him.
He will refuse to leave the house and wants to game all day.

Thing is the PS4 is jointly owned with his twin who hardly gets a look in anyway.

DH is a bit Hmm as in 'we paid money for that'.

OP posts:
Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 22/03/2018 09:46

Well he's not playing any games this morning, I don't have him in my ear constantly asking if he can the PS4 back. He doesn't like the XBox as he's finished all the games we have on that.

I'll give it a few hours and he'll probably be bored enough that he'll agree to come to the gym/swim. He hasn't been out for at least 2 weeks.

Win, win.

His special school refused to take him back after he was excluded for behaviour and he has a tutor come to the house 3 days a week, in answer to the question from a PP about his schooling.

OP posts:
4Funnels · 22/03/2018 09:47

Surely it isn't medal-worthy?

Not throwing and smashing your DCs toys in a fit of rage is the common approach.

Tatiannatomasina · 22/03/2018 09:53

I think you gave him an important life lesson about doing as he is told. The consequence was he lost his ps4. I am only sorry you couldnt sell it and get some money back for it.

BadLad · 22/03/2018 09:55

OP, what games did he have? Are you going to be selling any of them on here?

(misses point)

Juells · 22/03/2018 09:59

OP, what games did he have? Are you going to be selling any of them on here?

Maybe misses point, but knows an opportunity when she sees one Halo

WonderLime · 22/03/2018 10:12

I've never thrown and broken one of my children's toys when I didn't like their behaviour

Give that woman a medal

The bar is set pretty low when it’s medal-worthy to not destroy other people’s property. Hmm

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 22/03/2018 10:26

Technically it was my property as I paid for it.

OP posts:
MN164 · 22/03/2018 10:39

Oops, forgot the AIBU thread is about opinion and judgement not advice and support.

Greenyogagirl · 22/03/2018 11:13

You don’t give someone a gift then claim it’s yours because you paid for it.

Butchmanda · 22/03/2018 11:14

Family detox is probably the way to go. We do it here and - the last time- they didn't even moan too much. It does mean there's lots of bloody irritating jamming sessions on their guitars, but it's better natured.

OP I hope you get him out of the house to do something different!!

hotcrossbunsandtea · 22/03/2018 11:18

Technically it was my property as I paid for it.

No, you gave it to your son as a gift. It's his property.

Tenroundswithmiketyson · 22/03/2018 11:21

I think you know ou were wrong to throw it but you sound totally at the end of your tether. What kind of support are you getting for his problems?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/03/2018 11:27

You sound very stressed. Is there anyone who can get any respite from your son’s behaviour?

Willow2017 · 22/03/2018 11:55

When someone does what op did it is obvious they are at the end of thier rope.
What they dont need is the perfect parenting brigade whipping up into a frenzy of self righteousness telling them they have ruined thier sons life.

Its a games console! If he starts to treat everyone in the house with a bit of respect then he might get another down the line. But obviously playing games is NOT helping him at all in fact its burrying him deeper into a world closed off from his family where only fantasy matters and making him hyper and aggressive. That isnt the solution to anxiety.

Getting out the house and living in the real world is much better for him than sitting in his room getting worked up into a state of aggresion for hours on end.

Hope you can get a bit more support op i know how hard it can be living with gaming addiction in teens.

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 22/03/2018 12:03

No respite. The respite used to be him going to school! I worry about the effect he has on my youngest DS than me.

I'm hoping he can get into a residential college from September.

OP posts:
GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 22/03/2018 12:28

I really hope you manage to find a way to get some time away from your son’s behaviour; it sounds incredibly hard. I hope you are able to get him into a college that suits him and the rest of the family Flowers

Starlight2345 · 22/03/2018 13:23

Op .
Can I ask what you were hoping for from posting this .
If special school can’t cope you are dealing with very challenging behaviour.
I would be asking for more support ( which I also know is desperately short) your posts sound so angry , Can you get a break while DH has Ds.
I hope you have both managed to get out today

HopeClearwater · 22/03/2018 19:47

Jeez. I think Reanimated spends too much time compulsively gaming. The level of aggression and vitriol is exactly the same as my DS1’s when it’s suggested that he stop gaming and eat something for the first time that day...

ReanimatedSGB · 22/03/2018 23:10

I don't actually play games much. I used to play Farmville a bit but got tired of it.
I just don't like to see adults bullying and controlling their children and policing their leisure time because said adults believe all the rubbish about computer games being the worst thing ever in the world. It's the same Fun Is Bad idiocy that used to blow up over music/videos/television... anyone else old enough to remember the ludicrous moral panic about tabletop games like Dungeons & Dragons?

We have an economy in meltdown and an education system that's so badly botched that UK kids have the worst mental health issues in Europe. The constant testing and surveillance in schools, and the awareness (for many kids) that they have next to no prospects of earning a decent living or finding a safe place to live makes them angry and anxious and irrational - but the usual crew (ie the 1%) have decided it's useful to blame computer games for anything they can't blame on the Internet, so that parents and kids are constantly pitted against one another to no real purpose apart from keeping them occupied...

Willow2017 · 22/03/2018 23:48

reanimated
Unless you have played the kind if games teens are playing now you have no idea how addictive they are. They are designed that way. You have to do x, y, z to gain stuff for your chatacter (constantly), you have to keep going till end of a match to help your friends and gain bonuses or you lose it all and face the wrath of your friends who lose out too. When your friends are relying on you as part of a team or you have an objective to reach its hard for kids to just stop when told. And as these games are online they can go on 24/7 (my son has friends he has played with for over a year who live in usa and other countries.) He also plays with one of the 'well known' you tubers try telling him he has to get off as its school next day when he is on with him! Never mind that its 11pm and he should have been off at 9.30. I am always the bad guy even though its for his own good.

Parents need to restrict and monitor or kids would never get off. I am always the bad guy but i still do it for my sons sake.

In many kids gaming ends up anything but relaxing. They become hyped up, aggressive recluses.

Gaming in moderation is brilliant fun but in extreme it makes you angry, defensive and aggressive towards anyone who tries to stop your 'fun'.

Maybe do a bit of research on gaming addiction and sleep disturbances in teens due to gaming etc before ranting nonsense.

TheStoic · 22/03/2018 23:51

The level of aggression and vitriol is exactly the same as my DS1’s when it’s suggested that he stop gaming and eat something for the first time that day...

I know, it is bizarre from (presumably) an adult! Sounds very familiar to me too.

LookyLooky · 23/03/2018 00:16

practical advice...

Set up proper parental controls on the Xbox. INFO HERE I suspect you have worked it out for yourself now but YABU to think your son can 'self regulate’ his games console usage - you have to regulate it for him. If you don’t get some sort of control now it may well get a lot worse.

Also, it may be worth looking at what games he plays. Even though he is 16 and often parents are ok with kids that age playing adult rated games It sounds like your son isn’t mature enough to play them. They can be quite intense and some other players get a kick of tormenting other players. —bit like Mumsnet—.

My second piece of advice is don’t throw your sons PlayStation in a fit of anger.

My final piece of advice is don’t start a thread on AIBU saying that you have thrown your sons PlayStation in a fit of anger.

WilyMinx · 23/03/2018 02:15

I'm with OP on this one. Not a fan of gentle parenting, especially on a rebellious teen. Unless she is smashing up things every day, this is an extreme but effective lesson in consequences.

Kokeshi123 · 23/03/2018 02:19

Those criticizing the OP might like to try taking care of an extremely difficult teenager with SN. I have no doubt that she is at breaking point.

BlueEyedBengal · 23/03/2018 10:12

I have a 25 yr Dd with autism , and a DS 9 autism and a 10 yr Ds adhd also an ex army DH with ptsd from a bomb blast. I have 6 children in all 4 of them boys age 10 to 5. I am one of them who was critical of op so I think I know of the stress she's going through. In 27 yrs of been a parent I have never lost my temper to the extent I throw things around. If you have got to that point you have lost control and a child with autism will easily copy that behaviour and you will quickly lose respect. Sn children have it tough enough time out in the world without a parent behaving in a violent way. And throwing his things around and braking them would be classed as violence,