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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have thrown the PS4 across the room.........

240 replies

HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 17:30

Feel a mixture of relief and guilt that I did it.

It's beyond repair.

DS(16) is extremely upset.

Backstory is:

He has SN, has been homeschooled for 4 months due to behaviour issues and anxiety. He has become fixated on gaming and will not self regulate, accept time limits or let his brothers play without massive tantrums. When he loses a game he has outbursts of anger and swearing and he can be irritable as he was this afternoon with his younger brother - he slapped him.
He will refuse to leave the house and wants to game all day.

Thing is the PS4 is jointly owned with his twin who hardly gets a look in anyway.

DH is a bit Hmm as in 'we paid money for that'.

OP posts:
BuzzyBuzzyBea · 22/03/2018 05:30

I just saw you say enough hysteria towards someone who said 'throwing things - not good!'

Do you get that your DC have seen this as an example. When I get annoyed just launch whatever I'm annoyed with across the room.

To put it a different way, if you had posted this about DH throwing and breaking something of yours. Many would be LTB, it's the start of a cycle that'll on get worse. Do you get me.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 22/03/2018 07:07

My teens (15/13) don't/can't self regulate gaming...

I would not break their stuff, as it is an unnecessarily violent way to sort out a situation... kids do as you do, not as you say, so now what?

My 15 yr old also socialises mainly through games, so destroying his PC would mean destroying his social life.... sorry but it really is not a great solution

Queenofthestress · 22/03/2018 07:12

DS is SN, and I don't think I've ever felt the need to throw something of his because he was obsessive over it. Not good, not good at all really.

Juells · 22/03/2018 07:33

In the nicest possible way - I think he might have got his inability to deal with frustration from you. You have to remember you are his role model. You’ve taught him it’s ok to damage property when you are mad.

OH FFS I can't believe the holier-than-fucking thou bs that's being spouted. I have a very short fuse, and if I was in OP's situation I certainly wouldn't be able to be a model of quiet, calm, reasoning, fucking martyrhood. I'd try, but I know I wouldn't always succeed. It's called being human, not being a doormat.

AtrociousCircumstance · 22/03/2018 07:43

We all have a short fuse. That’s being human. And it’s our responsibility as adults to find ways to manage that. Especially around our kids.

No, it’s not easy. I know that myself. But the OP didn’t post her thread to ask for coping mechanisms because she knows her reaction was wrong - she wanted support that chucking the PS4 was understandable and even worth a chuckle.

RhiWrites · 22/03/2018 07:46

It’s not “holier than thou” to point out that throwing and breaking things isn’t a good way of dealing with conflict.

Why are some people so keen to defend OP’s behaviour? She lost her temper and smashed something. That’s not great parenting, whatever her frustrations.

Butchmanda · 22/03/2018 07:59

Off topic slightly, but what did obsessive types obsess about before electronic gaming? Every ASD related talk / parenting group I go to, it's always dominated by parents stressed out by their child's addiction and subsequent bad behaviour. Me included. I know it's a way of socialising for a lot of kids bit the downsides are awful.

jaimelannistersgoldenhand · 22/03/2018 08:07

Have you gotten rid of the Xbox too? At least with that, you can plan what to do better- sell it to CEX/ FB/eBay, hide it in the loft etc

Juells · 22/03/2018 08:20

Why are some people so keen to defend OP’s behaviour?

...because they suspect they'd do exactly the same in the same circumstances?

MysweetAudrina · 22/03/2018 08:31

Don't see too much wrong with what you did. Sometimes it is ok to break an inanimate object. Its not like you hurt someone. Sometimes you have to take the control back and sometimes it's ok to do it aggressively if you have exhausted all other avenues. I think its kind of cool that you did it.

OneInEight · 22/03/2018 08:48

Flowers Not a great reaction but given the strain you are under an understandable one. And at least as the poster above says it was an inanimate object that got hurt. There is a limit to how much bending over backwards some-one can do before they break.

Willow2017 · 22/03/2018 08:56

Oh ffs! We all do things when we are at the end of our tether we wouldnt normally do. Its a games console not his neck.
Why is it ok for him to scream and shout and be verbally abusive and be physicality violent to others but op reacts once and is vilified for it?

My eldest is the same when i restrict gaming time i have often been a hairsbreadth away from smashing the damm thing. He gets very aggressive when losing and hyped up so i have to face the brunt of this when i remove it. I set times but actually making him get off is a battle most of the time. He also repeatedly requests it back and its very wearing having someone on your back constantly, promising the earth just to get it back

Op can have a chat with her ds and apologise for breaking it and explain why she reacted and sometimes adults get it wrong too. Its not going to traumatise him for life seeing an adult react once to his own bad behaviour. I would not be replacing it either until he had proved he can abide by house rules i.e. school work, going out etc.

If children cannot act in a decent manner to others in the house they dont get privileges and a games console is a privilege.

ReanimatedSGB · 22/03/2018 08:57

Hatred of computer games is a good indication that someone's a gullible, thick-headed, unimaginative conformist, on the whole. The bollocks talked about gaming is the same bollocks that has been talked about: fiction, music, television, card games, computers in general and even sport or dancing. One of the main causes of all this household stress, miserable children and frustrated, tantrumming parents is the insistence that a pleasurable leisure activity must be policed and restricted or Terrible Things Will Happen.
Let them game as much as they want to. Their heads will not explode. Everything will calm down, because they will be able to relax and enjoy themselves, free of the stress that at any minute you will be bleating in their ear and putting a stop to their amusement Because You Say So (this is especially true of all the dumbfucks who prevent kids from gaming even when there is nothing specific or important they need the kid to do, it's just this bullshit idea that pleasure must be rationed and controlled.)

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 22/03/2018 09:04

Did you miss where I said DS was loudly swearing, having tantrums and being aggressive while having this 'pleasure' Reanimated. The irony of you referring to anyone else as a 'dumbfuck'!

OP posts:
hotcrossbunsandtea · 22/03/2018 09:05

Why is it ok for him to scream and shout and be verbally abusive and be physicality violent to others but op reacts once and is vilified for it?

It's not okay, but he's a CHILD and he has SN. He's not just your regular stroppy teenager with a bit of attitude. He has additional needs that mean his behaviour is not always going to be rational or socially acceptable.

And besides, OP is an adult and needs to control her temper. Nobody is perfect but there's a difference between shouting and hurling someone else's possessions across the room. As many have said, if it was an adult doing that to another adult, it would be abusive. It's no different just because the victim is a child this time.

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 22/03/2018 09:08

Did other posters also miss where I said his twin was OK with it. He understood because he knows how DS2 is with it. He would only get a chance to have a go himself a few times a week as DS2 would hide the controllers from him.

OP posts:
peacheachpearplum · 22/03/2018 09:14

A 16 year old thinks it is OK for an adult to pick up a PS4 and throw it across a room and break it? That doesn't sound great, I could understand him understanding why you did it but he shouldn't be thinking it is OK because it isn't OK.

I think most parents can understand why you got to that point but that isn't the same as people thinking it is appropriate.

MN164 · 22/03/2018 09:18

You are having a really hard time battling against the machines. The modern software and hardware corporates know exactly how to hook us all, including our children.

I would try a family digital detox. Take a look at every screen in the house, smartphones, computers, gaming machines, televisions. Figure out how to spend a day, a week or a month without as many of them as possible. That includes you and your partner setting an example.

We did something a mild version of the above. The ones most addicted where miserable for a couple of days and then there was a sort of epiphany when they became "human" again and started engaging, interacting and developing again outside the digital world.

Best of luck.

4Funnels · 22/03/2018 09:21

Yes you were.

I think we hazard a guess where he gets his physical aggression from ...

HuskyMcClusky · 22/03/2018 09:21

I think we can safely ignore Reanimated.

Willow2017 · 22/03/2018 09:24

reanimated
I hope you were joking otherwise you are talking bollocks.
The pleasure is not worth it if you are screaming and swearing at a screen for hours. If you refuse to do anything else with family, pretend to shower so you can get back on console pdq, lie about homework so you can game or face up to your parent 'explaining how fucking stupud they are if they dont realise how important this bloody game is".

I dont want to spend every night arguing with my child who is much bigger than me while he snarls at me, that its time for cooldown before bed. But i do it. I dont want to explain every night that the reason he cannot sleep before 1am is his brain is still on overdrive from the gaming. But i do it.

When not gaming he is sweet and considerate. Gaming changes him into a selfish aggressive monster if he plays too long.

And i say all that as a gamer. I am can see benefits of it but i am certainly not blind to its addiction nor the way it affects people.

Juells · 22/03/2018 09:25

I think we hazard a guess where he gets his physical aggression from

How superior and judgemental can you get?

4Funnels · 22/03/2018 09:30

@Juells

I've never thrown and broken one of my children's toys when I didn't like their behaviour so yes, I feel superior in this aspect.

"judgemental"? Is that not appropriate? The OP asked to be judged. It's the purpose of the thread. Kind of a judge my actions and tell me if I was unreasonable.

RadioGaGoo · 22/03/2018 09:37

'Stupid, spiteful whinyarses'

'Gullible, thick-headed, unimaginative conformists'

'Dumbfucks'

LOL! If you want to let your kids play games all the time, go right ahead. No need to be so uptight if others dont make that same choice. Why do you feel the need to justify your choices so aggressively Reanimated?

Juells · 22/03/2018 09:39

I've never thrown and broken one of my children's toys when I didn't like their behaviour

Give that woman a medal Grin

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