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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have thrown the PS4 across the room.........

240 replies

HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 17:30

Feel a mixture of relief and guilt that I did it.

It's beyond repair.

DS(16) is extremely upset.

Backstory is:

He has SN, has been homeschooled for 4 months due to behaviour issues and anxiety. He has become fixated on gaming and will not self regulate, accept time limits or let his brothers play without massive tantrums. When he loses a game he has outbursts of anger and swearing and he can be irritable as he was this afternoon with his younger brother - he slapped him.
He will refuse to leave the house and wants to game all day.

Thing is the PS4 is jointly owned with his twin who hardly gets a look in anyway.

DH is a bit Hmm as in 'we paid money for that'.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 21/03/2018 18:52

Well, it wasn't reasonable to throw it across, the room...you already know that OP, or you would t have posted.

YANBU to feel relief though...until you have a child with SN who isn't in school because of anxiety it's hard to imagine just how stressful it is. Thanks

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 18:53

What is with the comparisons with a husband or wife doing similar to each other ffs?

I'm not responsible for disciplining DH Hmm, or for his education and he's not my child Hmm.

If DH had thrown it, I would said 'thank fuck for that'!

OP posts:
Greenyogagirl · 21/03/2018 18:54

Hope a child with behavioural issues and high anxiety needs to deschool. Most children find safety and solace in gaming, they’re in control of their character and have no pressures or demands on them. They need time to recover from school to be in the right frame of mind to figure out what they want to do. I know a lot of parents who are concerned about gaming in the deschooling proscess but every time the child comes out of it ready to learn and recovered from school.

Notonthestairs · 21/03/2018 18:55

I think you need to sit down and talk to him calmly about what happened and yes apologise and give him context. He needs to hear that you know it was unacceptable and it won't happen again. In turn there needs to be boundaries set for the future.

Don't leave him to work himself up because it won't lead anywhere good.

ClaryFray · 21/03/2018 18:56

I think you've just taught your DS that it's okay to break things just because. Your the parent, when you take it away and he argues. You still say no.

PeterPiperPickedSeaShells · 21/03/2018 19:00

Probably not your finest hour OP but desperate times and all that...

Fairenuff · 21/03/2018 19:01

What is with the comparisons with a husband or wife doing similar to each other ffs?

Because it's unacceptable for adults to behave like that. If your dh was cross with you about something so he broke something you treasured by hurling it across the room in anger, people would be telling you that he was abusive and controlling.

Bombardier25966 · 21/03/2018 19:01

Next time your son has a meltdown and starts throwing expensive items, how will you respond? That's what you do, why shouldn't he?

I feel for how frustrated you must be and for the pressure you're under, but doing what you have has actually created a whole new problem.

KriticalSoul · 21/03/2018 19:01

DS will be going into a specialist school for Autistic children in September, he's currently still in mainstream and much of his day is spent playing on the computer as its an important part of distressing him from his high anxiety.

Its also very important to his regulation after school and during holidays.. we don't leave the house for the first couple of days as he's left to just please himself (within reason) and de-stress.

Removing the console via breaking it might be a 'thank fuck for that' moment for the OP, and I really, really do get it, BTDT and all that, but she has also removed an important tool for her DS.

Duckies · 21/03/2018 19:01

The DH comparison is how it would feel 8f he smashed something important to you in a rage. (It would feel threatening, trust me).

I was really affected by DF breaking things of his own when I was a child, when he couldn't deal with his emotions. How much it affected me has only become clear many years later through my relationship and how I feel about parenting.

I don't blame you for doing it but do have a proper conversation with both DSs about it, apologise and then decide if anything could help you deal with emotional challenges of SN DS.

fatbottomgirl67 · 21/03/2018 19:03

Well I can totally get your frustration. I have threatened to take a hammer to my son's Xbox
I bloody hate it. Kids , especially boys get so addicted to it. These gadgets have taken away the active childhoods of far too many kids. I wish they didnt exist. To all those who say set up restrictions, its not that easy to police teenagers 24/7. I have bloomin well tried. So maybe not the best solution to your problem but I can totally sympathise

m0therofdragons · 21/03/2018 19:04

So, your dc has behavioural issues and you've thrown an expensive item across a room in a fit of anger? YABU. Yes confiscation puts more pressure on you because it makes you stay firm and consistent until dc gets the message. Parenting is hard and dc can be infuriating but this isn't going to help his behaviour.

BlueEyedBengal · 21/03/2018 19:04

Not a good example of how to deal with this. You just showed him a total lack of respect for an extremely expensive item. What's to stop him throwing anything around himself? After all you did it and In my opinion you lost control of yourself and the high ground.

NC4Now · 21/03/2018 19:05

I can’t believe you have to ask.

Beyond U. I get the frustration but that’s an appalling thing to do. Trying to enforce regulation by throwing things and breaking them. Not acceptable at all.

Discipline does not mean you can disrespect someone or their property.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 21/03/2018 19:08

If she'd been behaving like the son in question they'd say he was being abused hotcrossed.

Possibly, but OP's DS has SN and, more importantly, is a child and a minor! Regardless of his behaviour it's not okay for his mum to get into such a temper that she hurls his property across the room and breaks it.

hotcrossbunsandtea · 21/03/2018 19:09

I'm not responsible for disciplining DH , or for his education and he's not my child .

The point has gone completely over your head Hmm

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 19:12

Oh please Duckies if I'd been shouting at a screen, fucking this, fucking that, c**nts, etc, in front of my 8 year old, not doing any housework, cooking or shopping, only getting up to raid the fridge and cupboards, jumping up and down in rage when he told me to go to bed or come to the table to eat food he'd prepared, then he would be in the right to throw the 'important' thing that was making me behave like that across the room.

Ridiculous comparison.

Anyway I'm obvs UR thought I might be but on further reflection I'm not .

OP posts:
Juells · 21/03/2018 19:14

Christ on a bike, the world is full of perfect people who are martyrs. Maybe it did him good to realise that other people have breaking points, and that he can't keep pushing and pushing and pushing.

Duckies · 21/03/2018 19:16

Probably good you're taking your anger out on strangers on the internet. But at some point you need to calm down and apologise to your children.

Fairenuff · 21/03/2018 19:18

if I'd been shouting at a screen, fucking this, fucking that, c**nts, etc, in front of my 8 year old, not doing any housework, cooking or shopping, only getting up to raid the fridge and cupboards, jumping up and down in rage when he told me to go to bed or come to the table to eat food he'd prepared, then he would be in the right to throw the 'important' thing that was making me behave like that across the room

OP you are trying to compare the behaviour of a child with special needs to that of an nt adult.

Why?

To excuse your violent actions?

Fairenuff · 21/03/2018 19:19

And the PS4 is not 'making him behave like that', his anxiety and sn are doing that.

BarbarianMum · 21/03/2018 19:20

No Fairnuff she's rejoining to those asking her how she'd feel if her dh treated her like that.

TammyWhyNot · 21/03/2018 19:20

OP, I don't really get whyyou posted.

You don't seem to feel any guilt whatsoever, and are snapping at posters.

Everyone knows we can all get to the end of our tethers, but of course chucking stuff across the room is not the ideal answer. In fact it's pretty bad. Wasteful, a bad example, everything. You could have sold it and got money. And whether he plays on it or not, it was still half owned by your other twin.

Sympathies for everything you have to deal with, but if you want us all to go "woo hoo! Go NastyHorridMum" most people won't.

So...why did you post? DO you feel the guilt you profess in your OP? Do you want advice? Or for us just to answer WYBU? Confused If we say YABU...well, that's how it goes.

Fattymcfaterson · 21/03/2018 19:20

Honestly?
I can't quite believe you are trying to justify yourself. It was wrong, end of. You just cannot go around smashing things in anger and as an adult you should look to see how you could change your reaction the next time this kind of conflict arises (because it will!)

BarbarianMum · 21/03/2018 19:20

...and actually its classic gaming addiction behaviour.