To have thrown the PS4 across the room.........

[HorridNastyMum]

Feel a mixture of relief and guilt that I did it.

It's beyond repair.

DS(16) is extremely upset.

Backstory is:

He has SN, has been homeschooled for 4 months due to behaviour issues and anxiety. He has become fixated on gaming and will not self regulate, accept time limits or let his brothers play without massive tantrums. When he loses a game he has outbursts of anger and swearing and he can be irritable as he was this afternoon with his younger brother - he slapped him.
He will refuse to leave the house and wants to game all day.

Thing is the PS4 is jointly owned with his twin who hardly gets a look in anyway.

DH is a bit as in 'we paid money for that'.

Instead of resorting to somewhat of a tantrum yourself, couldn't you have confiscated it and then told them you broke it? You've just shown your kids it's OK to break things.

So he has outbursts of anger and you dealt with it by throwing something across the room and breaking it. Well he will know what to do with his anger next time.

Can’t quite believe you’re defending yourself OP.

Under no circumstances, ever, is it okay to throw and break something in anger. (Unless it’s your own possession and no one impressionable is in sight - fail on both counts here)

You had a two-year old tantrum, and you are honestly trying to justify it as reasonable parenting of a teenager with SN.

You've punished both children for the anxious behaviour of one with SN, you've shown that in a temper you can destroy other peoples property, you've completely lost control and behaved in a really vile way to an innocent child and one who needed that safety of the games console.

Destroying someone else's property in a tantrum is awful behaviour. Like a PP, I've experienced grown men destroying my stuff in arguments and it's so controlling/abusive. How are you going to respond if he destroys something of yours he doesn't like or agree with you using? You've shown him you think it's acceptable behaviour!

I think you were massively in the wrong and I hope you apologise to all your children for your behaviour. If my partner did this to my kids belongings I have to say I would be wondering who I'd married.

Well you sound pretty adamant that you don’t think you were, so why ask?

FWIW, I think you were.

YABU.

They will model your behaviour back at you.

and yes, you've just enforced the idea that throwing expensive electrical items in anger is the ok way to deal with your temper.

I left H 6 months ago, I don't have a habit of launching things across the room in annoyance, when we lived with his dad, DS (11, autistic) used to throw his tablets and PS4 controllers when he had a meltdown (I wonder why... oh yes, his dad did it!) these days? Nope.. still gets angry, but doesn't throw stuff, because I don't!

What happens when he chucks something and breaks it

Sn or not you need boundaries. Yes he will nag you on repeat but you just repeat the no. It's infuriating, it makes you want to scream but it is just part of parenting. Throwing it in a rage to avoid the nagging isn't helping anyone. Both of my children have Sen and the youngest will repeat questions for hours on end hoping to get the answer he wants. If I've answered several times I will say 'asked and answered' and not engage.

That said still sending you hugs. Sen parenting is hard, having them full time because of home ed is harder still. Take a deep breath and hide in the loo with a chocolate bar for 5 minutes.

He has become fixated on gaming and will not self regulate, accept time limits or let his brothers play without massive tantrums

Ignore the tantrums and set fixed times. He’ll get used to it if you had a set timetable for gaming every day.

You are definitely out of order.

You are trying to teach him not to lose his temper by having a temper tantrum and breaking his belongings?

Surprised to even had to ask.

FFS, OP is a woman at the end of her tether. What she needs is practical advice going forward, not a load of pearl clutching.

Yabvu to throw the PS4 regardless of your child's tantrums and behaviour. All you have done is show him it's ok to throw things in temper when you can't have what you want

Sounds like a woman who was bang out of order and wanted strangers on the internet to back her up.
Going forward with what? She doesn’t think she’s done anything wrong!

I understand OP. Probably not the best response but getting rid of it completely seems like the only option.

Were you the only one who tried to deal with your son's issues or did your DH step up as well?

Why is it pearl clutching to answer her question honestly?

Going forward with what?

Coping with an SN child, of course.

Sounds like it did the trick!
Sometimes we need to shock our offspring.
Don't feel bad-the kids will get over it.
Sorry, Kritical, but don't agree. There's a difference between what the OP did and what you've experienced. Does not sound like OP instills fear in her kids or they live in a tense, fearful environment.

Here's some practical advise - don't throw other peoples belonging across a room and break them just because you're pissed off. HTH!

Going forward have some compassion, research home education and when at breaking point leave the room and calm down.

Not ideal behaviour as you know but I totally get how you would have been feeling. I have thrown a remote control once when the dc were fighting over it. I was livid with myself and apologised but also told them that everyone has limits and everyone can lose their temper. I tried to use the opportunity to role model how to be sorry and make things right. I have also seriously considered selling the Xbox because DS is truly obsessed and has only begun to talk about or do other things lately because I have told him that I will get rid of the Xbox if all he does is ask me when he's having it, play on it, and talk about playing on it.

Lifeisabeach no her child just lives in a state of extreme anxiety and finds solace in the PS4. But yeah it’s fine for mum to throw it and break it

KriticalSoul Wow, helpful. Have you nothing constructive to add?

YABU.

I get what you were saying about taking it away, and restrictions being difficult, but honestly, that's irrelevant. There's going to be times in his life when someone says he can't do something, and the example you just set is inappropriate.

Everyone gets frustrated when playing games on any console. I didn't speak, look or acknowledge DP for an hour when I was trying to get past a certain bit of a game, but you can use a PS4 as an educational tool. You could use it as a way to manage his emotions, teach about consequences etc.

And YABU about Kriticals experience. She gave you a perfect example of how that kind of behaviour can escalate to being abusive and shared her own personal experience, and you completely dismissed her. Her opinion is as relevant as everyone else's. Including yours.