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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have thrown the PS4 across the room.........

240 replies

HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 17:30

Feel a mixture of relief and guilt that I did it.

It's beyond repair.

DS(16) is extremely upset.

Backstory is:

He has SN, has been homeschooled for 4 months due to behaviour issues and anxiety. He has become fixated on gaming and will not self regulate, accept time limits or let his brothers play without massive tantrums. When he loses a game he has outbursts of anger and swearing and he can be irritable as he was this afternoon with his younger brother - he slapped him.
He will refuse to leave the house and wants to game all day.

Thing is the PS4 is jointly owned with his twin who hardly gets a look in anyway.

DH is a bit Hmm as in 'we paid money for that'.

OP posts:
Snowjoker · 21/03/2018 17:59

He has outbursts of temper so your response is to throw it across the room? Hmm

That1950sMum · 21/03/2018 17:59

Going forward remember you are the adult in the house and throwing things in temper is not setting a good example.

Littlechocola · 21/03/2018 18:00

I have a ds with ASD who is obsessed by his Xbox. I get how frustrated you are but throwing it will never be ok.
You say taking it away makes him worse? How has he dealt with this?
Very wrong

Fairenuff · 21/03/2018 18:00

Of course you were unreasonable to throw it.

That is an aggressive act.

You need to take control of your anger.

KriticalSoul · 21/03/2018 18:01

"Does not sound like OP instills fear in her kids or they live in a tense, fearful environment."

Who said I was scared or they were? I was pissed off as it was SO massively fucking disrespectful to other peoples belongings just because he was pissed off.

He never laid a finger on any of us ftr, but throwing computers, tablets, mobile phones, remotes, game controllers, toastie machines, weighing scales, plates, saucepans and anything else he was holding or using that was annoying him at that moment was par for the course.

And he wondered why our autistic child used to throw his tablet and the ps4 controllers when he was angry Hmm

Snowjoker · 21/03/2018 18:01

I do understand you losing the rag though Sad

Lifeisabeach09 · 21/03/2018 18:01

Just to add... it's called Destruction Therapy.

www.angermanage.co.uk/destruction-therapy/

There's even a cafe in the US that lets you destroy things for stress relief.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/03/2018 18:03

Crikey! So one child slaps his younger brother for being annoying and all some of you lot can focus on is that OP broke a toy!

OP... yeah! So you know you shouldn't have but I am at a loss why SN means a free pass for any violent behaviour. You got to the end of your tether... is there any one, any service you can access to get you and your DS some respite, perhaps.

I used to be that respite for a friend in a similar situation, I'd take her DS for some English and maths sessions and she hit the gym with a vengeance. That came about after her DS had been more angry than usual and she lost her temper. That he actually spoke to me about it was a bit of a breakthrough... and we all jumped to take advantage of it.

I wondered if you were getting any help, if there was anyone around you that could offer you some down regular down time?

user1492958275 · 21/03/2018 18:03

I think it sounds bloody nasty!

How would you have reacted if he had thrown and smashed your phone/laptop/other expensive object?

You can't fix tantrums by throwing one yourself.

Juells · 21/03/2018 18:04

Can’t quite believe you’re defending yourself OP.

People do have limits to their patience.

Original poster
HorridNastyMum · 21/03/2018 18:04

Well I've put up with months of shouting and swearing whenever he loses a game despite constantly being told to get off it if he can't cope, and aggressive behavior to his siblings if they want a turn. Not a 'safe place' for him or anybody else!

He is out of school due to behaviour issues that I know are fuelled by anxiety but this isn't helping him when he refuses to engage with anything but gaming and is quite happy to be at home on it as he can avoid everything else.

Actually I feel kind of uplifted it's gone.

There's still the XBox though.

OP posts:
Dragongirl10 · 21/03/2018 18:04

You know it was not good behavior OP, so now just explain to your Ds that you are sorry and it was not good behavior, then move on.....

I am amazed so many think you are so abusive...have they never done anything wrong?

In the bigger scheme of things they will be fine and don't replace it!

BennyTheBall · 21/03/2018 18:05

I can understand your frustration, but you're the adult. It's never OK to throw things in temper or to lash out in anger, no matter how old you are.

I think you should be saying this to your children and apologising for your aggression.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 21/03/2018 18:06

By all means get rid of it but throwing it?! You're the adult in this relationship. I understand you're dealing with a lot but you need to set an example for your kids.

Greenyogagirl · 21/03/2018 18:07

SN isn’t a free pass for violent behaviour but you don’t overcome violent behaviour by demonstrating a lack of control. Destroying someone’s property is not a punishment, especially when the property is needed and shared with another child

Allthewaves · 21/03/2018 18:07

I would have sold it. Huge waste of money

willothewisp17 · 21/03/2018 18:08

You shouldn't have thrown it, but you were at the end of your tether. Believe it or not, everyone has a breaking point (although the majority of posters on her seem to think not!) and you reached yours, it's just not ideal that it meant you breaking something!

lizabes · 21/03/2018 18:08

So you (presumably a nt adult) punished your son (a teenager with sn) for being violent because he was frustrated by being violent because you were frustrated.

Yup you're setting a great example. No double standards at all.

Greenyogagirl · 21/03/2018 18:09

You’re just not willing to accept you were wrong are you.

WhiteCoyote · 21/03/2018 18:09

To be honest OP I’d have done the same if my son had slapped someone in temper. It’s absolutely unacceptable to hit another person, maybe that’ll make him think next time he goes to do it.

Wish I had some more practical advice!

Oh and I grew up with a parent that occasionally threw things in temper. There’s many things that scarred my childhood but destroying things wasn’t one of them. I wouldn’t worry about that part of it.

InsomniacAnonymous · 21/03/2018 18:10

OP, how would you feel if your DH had done that?

Wintertime4 · 21/03/2018 18:11

I have felt like this. However it’s aggression and abuse. Sorry for being blunt but any destruction of their property in a violent way is really wrong, scary and hurtful.

You need to make that clear to your Sen son who will copy your anger and learn that it’s ok to lose it.

MyKingdomForBrie · 21/03/2018 18:12

I don’t think you were wrong to get rid of it, obviously you know modelling w temper tantrum wasn’t helpful but permanent removal does sound like the best way.

I’d sell the Xbox though before you smash that up too Grin

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 21/03/2018 18:12

Yes YABU.

It cost money, it was shared with his twin, and you say he can’t control his outbursts.

You can confiscate and tell him it’s been sold. Or you’ve donated it. Or take the controller away. Something that doesn’t mean it’s been irreparably broken.

blackheartsgirl · 21/03/2018 18:14

I get it op. It is wrong and wasn't a good thing to do but I know what it's like to parent a child with special needs.

Fwiw ds was the same with his xbox, he has adhd and asd and used to use the xbox as as a comfort and coping mechanism, would catch him on it at all hours. To those saying just set boundaries..Never worked he just didn't understand and everytime we asked him to come off it or took it away he would get violent and scream and smash up his room. I used to bribe him in the end anything I could think off, whether it was money sweets, new game if he earnt enough money etc which eventually broke the cycle and he became much better at self regulating

But yeah the times I nearly lost it and wanted to smash it