AIBU to try to talk my ds out of auditioning for a female role in school play?

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My ds (11) loves acting, and has an asd which partly means he can get very stuck on an idea and find it hard to move on to make his own life easier.
His school will be putting on a summer play and the lead role is a female one - he is adamant he wants to audition for that role, although some pretty big parts are more obviously male, he says it would be sexist if he wasn't allowed go for the female part and really wants to. I explained his classmates might laugh at him but he says they shouldn't.
The problem is that he gets upset if he feels ridiculed and I had a word with his teacher to advise her that he might get upset if he gets laughed at and she has asked me to try to talk him out of it as there are 'social norms' that he should understand.
So I'm dreading having to tackle it but for him to have an easier time I really think I should. BTW he has never said he feels female, he just wants this role. Anyone got any advice on how best to approach this?

Kleinzeit the teacher hasn't said no outright, I just told her he was keen to audition and she grimaced and mentioned 'social norms' and that the others would probably laugh at him and asked me to talk him out of wanting to go for it. The auditions haven't been arranged/the format hasn't been explained yet

“I can't think of anything in the Wizard of Oz that would be damaged by making Dorothy into Donny“

No, neither can I. It does depend on the play, though. And the OP has said it’s more on the Sound of Music side. I don’t think Mario Von Trapp would work.

g1itterati because every year girls get to play male parts

that the others would probably laugh at him and asked me to talk him out of wanting to go for it.

I would tell her that you've tried and you can't talk him out of auditioning, because I'm a belt and braces kind of person. You may still persuade him out of it but at the moment she's neatly shifted responsibility onto your shoulders. Who first mentioned that he might be laughed at - you or her? If it was her then it definitely is her responsibility to arrange the auditions so he doesn't get laughed at. She can refuse to audition him for that part or she can have general auditions for all (singing) parts or have private auditions or whatever else, but that is her problem.

I’d encourage him to audition but also talk to him or read social stories about what might happen. Talk about different scenarios and what he can say and do in each one.

Male and female roles are reversed all of the time in plays and pantomimes etc

(Though I do think greenyogagirl has the best approach of all!)

It isn't sexist. Acting roles are one of the few areas in life where discrimination to meet a character profile is legally permitted. They are allowed to select based on gender, skin colour, age, weight, etc. I'd fully expect the school to give a female role to a female and vice versa, and would expect complaints from parents if a male was cast in a female role. As a parent I wouldn't let my DS audition for a female role considering it's likely to lead to ridicule and possibly bullying.

Do girls ‘get’ to play male parts, or do they have to because there’s not enough boys to go around? Because the two are different.

greenyogagirl Yes to play it for laughs

No, neither can I. It does depend on the play, though. And the OP has said it’s more on the Sound of Music side. I don’t think Mario Von Trapp would work. It could if the Captain was a woman who decided to get a male nanny as her children had no male influence in their lives.

My eldest GS was in his year 6 play a couple of years ago. One of the boys played a female part, a couple of the girls played male parts. No one batted an eyelid. I think alot of kids are more open minded than the adults.

What were the parts, peach?

It wasn't a well known play and I can't remember what it was called. One girl was a financier for some mad venture, one was the boss of the business and the boy played someone''s slightly mad granny. He was hilarious and stole the show even though it was a fairly small part. Probably his part being funny helped, although I think he made it funnier than it was originally meant to be.

GS is now at a boys school with a transboy in his form (is that the right term, sounds wrong somehow.) Maybe it is just his schools but the kids seem very relaxed about it all. He was telling me there are a couple of boys in his form who are gay, one thinks he might be trans. Very confusing and a boy playing a female role in a play seems the least of it.

[peach] you really would be changing the dynamics of the Sound of Music if you swapped the roles like that

Well as you've name-changed or joined to post this then what's the harm in stating the role?

And more specifically the play?

Right now in London, Michelle Fairley is playing Cassius in Julius Caesar. So whilst productions can choose not to hire men/women in opposite roles, they don't have to.

Luckyme2, would you? Lonely parent who has lost their partner gets some help with the kids and falls in love? Don't see why that is any more likely because the parent is a man. Men sing, men go into religious orders and leave, men make clothes out of curtains maybe not but then again who does.

what's the harm in stating the role? .. the play?

Because it's irrelevant and if it was picked up by (Gawd bless'em) the Daily Mail it would be pretty identifying.

It’s not really irrelevant- there are plays where the female lead could easily be converted to a male and plays where it wouldn’t. And this is a bit of a hot button topic at the moment.

Usually when schools cross cast it’s because they don’t have someone of that sex available to play the part. Sometimes it’s a stylistic choice, but that’s actually something quite complex to do with a play, so not something you’d do with your average school production.

The key thing I think is that someone has to be good enough to carry the part. They don’t have to be the best. So say a girl is the best actor and singer in the school, she’s not going to get the male lead if there’s a boy who is capable. He doesn’t have to be the best, just good enough. So in this case, there are probably some capable girls, so the part won’t go to a boy even if they are the ‘best’ overall.

Generally in schools there are more girls who want to be in the shows, and most shows have more male parts - so it’s likely that some girls will end up playing girls, and these aren’t usually the parts that most of the girls really want so it’s less of the case that girls have the chance to play a male role than they just have to.

Is he mainly interested because it’s the main role? I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, just that if that’s the case would he understand that sometimes appearance and other factors come into casting? So if there is a girl able to play Dorothy, they won’t cast a boy, even if he’s the best. Sometimes other characteristics will be more important than sex - in The BFG the tallest girl in the school is more likely to be cast as a giant than she is as Sophie.

“ely parent who has lost their partner gets some help with the kids and falls in love? Don't see why that is any more likely because the parent is a man. Men sing, men go into religious orders and leave, men make clothes out of curtains“

Yeah. OK.

Does he have some friends that he can convince to also audition for the part? If more boys where auditioning maybe he wouldn't be laughed at so much?

Apart from the fact that you often can’t change the sex of characters without permission, The Sound Of Music is based on a true story from a very specific time. It’s about a nun, so you’d have to change all the nuns to monks, (Climb Ev’ry Mountain would drop a couple of octaves) and a navy captain at that time would have been remarkable, as would a man being a governess (or whatever the male term is) so you couldn’t really set it during the rise of Hitler. You’d be better writing a whole new show instead.

A female navy captain was what I meant.