Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try to talk my ds out of auditioning for a female role in school play?

287 replies

obligations · 21/03/2018 10:43

My ds (11) loves acting, and has an asd which partly means he can get very stuck on an idea and find it hard to move on to make his own life easier.
His school will be putting on a summer play and the lead role is a female one - he is adamant he wants to audition for that role, although some pretty big parts are more obviously male, he says it would be sexist if he wasn't allowed go for the female part and really wants to. I explained his classmates might laugh at him but he says they shouldn't.
The problem is that he gets upset if he feels ridiculed and I had a word with his teacher to advise her that he might get upset if he gets laughed at and she has asked me to try to talk him out of it as there are 'social norms' that he should understand.
So I'm dreading having to tackle it but for him to have an easier time I really think I should. BTW he has never said he feels female, he just wants this role. Anyone got any advice on how best to approach this?

OP posts:
Original poster
obligations · 21/03/2018 20:18

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar well he wants to audition for this role as it is definitely the lead - of course girls should have a look in, and they would do as it is supposed to be based on auditions. As I said, the sexism argument in terms of more good roles for boys does not apply in this case.

I'm intrigued by Jane and the Giant Peach, so if it was Oliver, they could invite boys or girls to audition and have it as Oliver or Olivia or have a girl or boy play Oliver? Tbh I'm a bit reluctant to suggest anything to the teacher as I still think the other kids will laugh at him anyway and by her attitude this morning I doubt she'll play ball, she has been very unsympathetic to him all year and made very few concessions to his issues...and I've other fish to fry in terms of 3 other dcs and getting ds ready for the big change to secondary as well as his sensory issues, insomnia etc etc.

I've just had a chat with him and suggested we look at videos of the other roles 'just in case he changes his mind' and wants to audition for one of them instead. He had a great day as his music teacher wants him to play solo at a concert so you never know, though he's like a dog with a bone about this.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/03/2018 02:05

I think the best way forward for the teacher would be to hold open auditions with everyone reading/acting the same passage and singing the same song, so that the teacher could then place each child in a role dependent on merit.
That would solve the problem of anyone laughing at anyone else, because nobody would know exactly which role each child was auditioning for.

And yes, if they managed to have a female Macbeth while there were still boys available, then there IS no reason why your son shouldn't have an equal shot at taking the lead role this year, even if it IS a female character.

The teacher really needs to get a better grip on how to handle this situation rather than trying to make her own life easier by getting your son to step down.

CakerBaker · 22/03/2018 02:15

Could the class be pre-warned that he’ll be auditioning and asked to be kind in their response?

EllieMe · 22/03/2018 06:54

I think the best way forward for the teacher would be to hold open auditions with everyone reading/acting the same passage and singing the same song, so that the teacher could then place each child in a role dependent on merit.

Drama teacher here, that wouldn't work at all. Different voices required for different characters.

EllieMe · 22/03/2018 06:56

Sorry, pressed post too soon. It seems to me that the teacher is not going to give him the role and wants your help in preventing his embarrassment. You're passing the buck back to her, fair enough. But don't complain if the other kids do laugh and your DS gets upset.

He's a kid. Just tell him no. Why do some parents have a problem with that word?

stateschool · 22/03/2018 07:28

Tell him the lead role is for a girl this year and that’s that. He’s mostly going to benefit in life for being male so ‘fairness’ doesn’t really come into it

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 07:57

I just asked my drama-y teenager. He said that at 10 he reckons casting should just be gender blind- it only starts to be an issue when there are really obvious physical differences. They are doing Hedda Gabler for A level and one of the two groups has a boy playing Hedda. But they decided to do that deliberately so they could explore the issues. He was rushing for the train but I'll ask him more about it this evening.

EllieMe · 22/03/2018 08:09

A 10 year old boy could not play Annie any more than a 10 year old girl could play Billy Elliot.

peacheachpearplum · 22/03/2018 09:18

This all presupposes the role would go to him if only they changed it to a male lead. Maybe the girls should be allowed a look in He's asking for the opportunity to audition and he be given a chance. The girls are getting a look in as they are also allowed to audition. From previous years it sounds like girls also get a look in by getting the male parts as well as the female parts.

Strugglingtodomybest · 22/03/2018 09:18

I feel for your DS, as this sounds really unfair to me too. Leaving aside the bigger question of should men take women's roles, I think it's absolutely awful that the children think it's OK to laugh at a boy wanting a girls part in a school play and that instead of being punished, or at the very least given a lesson on why this is wrong, the teacher appears to be siding with the nasty kids.

I would be, and am, angry with the teacher in this case.

peacheachpearplum · 22/03/2018 09:19

BernardRussell your son sounds wise beyond his years and bright with it.

GinIsIn · 22/03/2018 09:22

What @Frakka said - 70% of the best parts in plays, tv & films are for men. Could you explain to him that it isn’t really fair to take one of those away, when he has other opportunities?

Kleinzeit · 22/03/2018 09:26

obligations you are handling the situation very well, I only wish I could say as much for the teacher.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/03/2018 09:27

That was just in response to all the "Jane and the Giant Peach" stuff, peacheach. There's no reason to change it to a male part just because a single boy wants to do it; it might be different if there weren't any girls available / that wanted to play the part.
There is no reason he can't audition for the part as it stands, but it certainly shouldn't be rewritten to suit him as some people have suggested.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/03/2018 09:29

So there is a female lead and several big roles for males but he thinks he is entitled to take the only female role because he thinks he would be the best for the role.

Have you asked him why he thinks that the girls aren't entitled to a main part in the production.

Just because he has done west end and been in TV doesn't mean he can throw his weight around at school.

HolyShet · 22/03/2018 09:35

At our kids primary school we've had Olivia Twist and lots of boys playing female roles and vice versa.

However:
the teacher has said she's going to cast a girl in the lead: is your DS motivated by combatting a perceived sexism here or just really wants a lead role? (as obvs the perceived sexism could be a lot to do with levelling the playing field in terms of that particular class and the opportunities to shine that various children may or may not have had).

Perhaps the teacher is also trying to let your DS down gently.....or knows that he'll get laughed at (also not great) and about his inability to cope with that.

Does he just want the lead role because he wants the lead role? (hope not) or can he be persuaded that if he wants to act there are more interesting roles that he might get, that allow him to be other people in a more interesting way?

YANBU to dissuade him OP. There is nothing wrong with him not getting to do what he wants all the time. It is not a huge injustice in the scheme of things.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/03/2018 09:38

It should surely just be a general audition, not auditioning for a specific part though. So everyone has to say a piece and sing a piece of their choice (not from the play in question) and then the teacher decides who to cast in what part

HolyShet · 22/03/2018 09:41

Oh sorry I've just seen he's been also in musicals, film etc. He has plenty of opportunities to perform elsewhere - this is fantastic of course. The school play may be the only chance other kids have to perform and have their moment in the limelight.

Kleinzeit · 22/03/2018 09:49

Just because he has done west end and been in TV doesn't mean he can throw his weight around at school.

Auditioning for a part he wants is hardly throwing his weight around. He just wants the same chance everyone else has, according to his talents and abilities. It's usually a good thing for schools to encourage pupils to contribute their talents to the school, whether that's representing the school at sports or taking a lead role in the school play. And especially when the child has had a difficult time in other ways, which it sounds as if the OP's DS has.

The school play may be the only chance other kids have to perform and have their moment in the limelight.

That is the teacher's decision to make. It is not a reason for not auditioning for a part, though it may be an explanation for him not getting the part.

Oliversmumsarmy · 22/03/2018 09:51

Just to add DD and ds have done the West end, TV and film type stuff and both although they would audition would be happy with whatever part they got as someone has pointed out they knew other DC might not get the chance to perform as they had done.

Has your ds tried out for one of the theatre schools (I know a few of the children who have been to those schools)because it might make him realise that he wasn't so special.

Kleinzeit · 22/03/2018 09:53

the teacher has said she's going to cast a girl in the lead

No she hasn't said that - if she said that straight out it would make things simpler for the OP. But the teacher has said anyone can audition for any part. She wants the OP to do stop her DS auditioning and make the problem go away.

BertrandRussell · 22/03/2018 09:56

Oliversmumsarmy-I suggest you read try thread. Then apologise for your complete misunderstanding of the OP and her son's position and your rather unpleasant posts about it.

Luckyme2 · 22/03/2018 09:59

OP your original question was are you being unreasonable trying to persuade him not to audition. Regardless of the arguments on this thread about sexism, whether a boy could play Annie or Maria or Matilda etc at the end of the day you think it would be really upsetting to him if he was laughed at and (again not condoning this) the teacher has warned you he probably will be laughed at. So no YA definitely NBU persuading him to audition. Alternatively let him audition and deal with the aftermath. I know which one i'd do though.

Luckyme2 · 22/03/2018 10:00

Persuading him NOT to audition that should say!

derxa · 22/03/2018 10:00

and mentioned 'social norms' Did she really say that? I've put on many plays with upper KS2. It's a gruelling job. The teacher is allowed to pick the person they want for the part. Ask for closed auditions if you must.