AIBU to try to talk my ds out of auditioning for a female role in school play?

[obligations]

My ds (11) loves acting, and has an asd which partly means he can get very stuck on an idea and find it hard to move on to make his own life easier.
His school will be putting on a summer play and the lead role is a female one - he is adamant he wants to audition for that role, although some pretty big parts are more obviously male, he says it would be sexist if he wasn't allowed go for the female part and really wants to. I explained his classmates might laugh at him but he says they shouldn't.
The problem is that he gets upset if he feels ridiculed and I had a word with his teacher to advise her that he might get upset if he gets laughed at and she has asked me to try to talk him out of it as there are 'social norms' that he should understand.
So I'm dreading having to tackle it but for him to have an easier time I really think I should. BTW he has never said he feels female, he just wants this role. Anyone got any advice on how best to approach this?

QuackPorridgeBacon AFAIK in the past the kids have said what part they're interested in (and maybe even a range of roles) as some of them don't want to have a big role (it is an all-class play). I don't know what way they'll work it this time. I might ask the teacher as she might want to know how we've got on with persuading him not to go for the female role, and also just so he knows what to expect, as he's very invested this time he might need a bit of forewarning.

I think taking to the teacher would be good. If she wants a female for the role I can see why she would encourage him not to audition if he could end up being laughed at and ending with a melt down from him. I don’t know her but from what you have said I don’t think she is being nasty.

I’d hope the kids just say what they’d like most, and then read a bit of dialogue and sing a bit. It’s by far the easiest way to audition kids that age. In many cases if they write down what they want they’re more honest than if they do it in front of everyone. The pie chart is actually a good idea generally, although a top 3 roles works well too.

OP, the reason I mentioned how it works in the industry as I wondered if he may feel it’s less unfair if he knows that’s how it works in the professional world, even if the answer is just ‘it’s up to the director, they get to decide these things’.

I’m glad he enjoys performing and I hope you’re able to help him enjoy the whole process. It would be such a shame if it’s a negative experience.

QuackPorridgeBacon BustopherJones thanks, yes I will have a word with the teacher and see what way she plans to run things. If it could be done in a fairly straightforward way (eg with the kids writing down rather than saying out loud what role(s) they're interested in) then maybe she can be a bit flexible as it wouldn't seem to make much difference to her but could avoid kids (not just ds maybe) being embarrassed.

It has taken a lot of persuasion to get ds to agree to even look at auditioning for another role so hopefully he can say he's interested in a few (not just the lead) and then teach can make the decision. Fingers crossed this will work.

Is this a west end musical show OP? If it is the school will be lead by the license they have to buy to put on the show. Do Primary Schools put on high end musical shows these days?

Or is it an age appropriate show that the music teacher has devised, according to the age group and talents of Year 6??

ILoveAntButHateDec just a very home-made version of a musical play in a small school. Like a nativity but older kids so slightly more skilled. Not a big deal to anyone except probably the kids involved.

In that case I don’t think anyone can comment unless they know the name of the main character and what costume, libretto and songs that character entails??

@obligations that's a shame abut the teacher's attitude- in our school your son would get a round of applause in the staffroom, as this sort of initiative is very much welcome. Being conservative may not be a bad thing, but handling sensitive student is a different thing altogether. I understand how your boy with ASD can get this idea in his head and not let go as I worked with some ASD students in the past and it's not like anyone can just influence them to change their minds.
That being said, even if he did not have ASD, that would be no different really if he would like to audition for that role- maybe except the difficulty with coping with criticism coming from other children. I work in a super competitive school where kids are under so much pressure, and I can tell you it's hard on everyone as they all want/feel the pressure to do their best, be main in the school play, have a solo in an orchestra etc as everything else would be failure. So I am glad your son is doing it because he genuinely cares about the role.
I hope that he will get the role he wants, or that he will be happy with whatever role he gets!

LadyRenoir thanks for your comment and kindness, as you can imagine from your experience it has taken a lot of work and a few tears for him to even consider other roles. This school isn't so competitive, and ds does want the role because he wants to sing and act as much as possible, he tends to be into things because of how they feel for him rather than any kudos (part of his ASD in a way).

Is this a west end musical show OP? If it is the school will be lead by the license they have to buy to put on the show. Do Primary Schools put on high end musical shows these days? If there is a restriction on boys playing girls parts then there would be a restriction on girls playing boys parts. That doesn't seem to have been a problem in the past, maybe girls won't be allowed to play boys parts this time but if they are then that doesn't work as an excuse.

There are often schools licences for things like Les Mis etc so different rules apply from the amateur, and again from the professional licences. Often, however, the rule is that you can’t change the sex of the character, the actor’s sex isn’t necessarily relevant. There are some really specific rules about set as well, from people like the Beckett estate so anything still in copyright can be a minefield if you even want to do it as a school’s performance. Unless you’re not selling tickets, then you can do what you want basically.

The principle of roles being open to all is fine

The practice is …
You need to decide if your vulnerable DS would be more upset by being denied an audition fo the role, or by being laughed at by other kids

The decision would be easier if the teacher, who knows the other kids and the kind of performance she wants, were in favour of his audition