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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try to talk my ds out of auditioning for a female role in school play?

287 replies

obligations · 21/03/2018 10:43

My ds (11) loves acting, and has an asd which partly means he can get very stuck on an idea and find it hard to move on to make his own life easier.
His school will be putting on a summer play and the lead role is a female one - he is adamant he wants to audition for that role, although some pretty big parts are more obviously male, he says it would be sexist if he wasn't allowed go for the female part and really wants to. I explained his classmates might laugh at him but he says they shouldn't.
The problem is that he gets upset if he feels ridiculed and I had a word with his teacher to advise her that he might get upset if he gets laughed at and she has asked me to try to talk him out of it as there are 'social norms' that he should understand.
So I'm dreading having to tackle it but for him to have an easier time I really think I should. BTW he has never said he feels female, he just wants this role. Anyone got any advice on how best to approach this?

OP posts:
Original poster
obligations · 21/03/2018 11:43

Frakka the lead in every school play for the last 4 years has been female, even in a 'male' role. That is his experience - that girls are allowed audition for male roles, so he's asking for the same.

OP posts:
GnotherGnu · 21/03/2018 11:43

He needs to think through the possibility that his classmates will laugh, and that he can feel that they shouldn't as much as he likes, he can't change that fact. If he feels upset at that thought, he then needs to think through whether he actually does want to audition and take that risk.

aprilanne · 21/03/2018 11:43

i would just tell my son some things are just typically female and male roles .ie your mum is always a woman and your dad is a man .a woman cant be your dad just like a man cant be your mum thats they way i explained things .

Morphene · 21/03/2018 11:44

Every time you tell your child to change to avoid bullying behaviour you are condoning bullying and telling them the bullies are right and telling your child they are wrong.

The bullies are not right. Your child is right. Nobody should be ridiculed for anything in a school classroom. It is extremely concerning that you and your child's teacher don't know that.

Don't be a supporter of bullying OP.

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 21/03/2018 11:44

His school will be putting on a summer play and the lead role is a female one - he is adamant he wants to audition for that role

Fiona Shaw and Cate Blanchett have done very well reviewed Richard IIs. Kathryn Hunter has done Richard III. Female Hamlets are ten a penny, but Maxine Peake's looks great:

www.theguardian.com/stage/video/2015/mar/09/maxine-peake-as-hamlet-to-be-or-not-to-be-video

And Cate Blanchett was also bloody marvellous as Bob Dylan in "I'm Not There". Centre of the piece.

Gender-neutral casting? It'll never catch on.

Morphene · 21/03/2018 11:45

Oh and now it turns out that its perfectly acceptable for girls to play male roles....just not the reverse.

What an absolute bunch of sexist aresholes.

Frakka · 21/03/2018 11:45

In that case the school hasn’t got a leg to stand on and should let him audition.

aprilanne · 21/03/2018 11:49

just read that the school gave male roles to girls now thats not fair .if its a female role you are a girl vice versa

KittenBeast · 21/03/2018 11:49

Your son sounds wonderful, let him audition for the part. He's old enough to know people might laugh and that's a risk he's willing to take.

AjasLipstick · 21/03/2018 11:49

He doesn't "have a good point" as a poster has said. There are WAY fewer good or lead roles for girls in theatre than there are for boys.

If a boy were to be allowed to take a female part, it removes the opportunity (yet another!) from a girl.

Explain that to him.

Morphene · 21/03/2018 11:50

If the teacher was anything other than a sexist bully condoning waste of meat they would have said up front that:
"As can be seen from the previous plays, anyone can apply for any role, the roles will be awarded on merit alone, and anybody ridiculing anyone for any reason, whether it be the part they choose or the performance they give in the audition can expect to find themselves in detention."

AjasLipstick · 21/03/2018 11:51

Girls playing male roles is nothing to do with boys playing female roles.

For centuries there have been WAY fewer parts for women and most of them are badly written by male writers.

Allowing women to play Hamlet etc is simply redressing the balance.

UpSideDownBrain · 21/03/2018 11:51

Could you set up another audition for him? Maybe just to the teacher without the class? Or to family and friends?

GaraMedouar · 21/03/2018 11:51

OP- you said the teacher won’t cast him anyway in a ‘girl’ part. So there’s no point him auditioning. Can’t you say you’ve checked with the teacher and it is indeed a role for a girl. If he wants to discuss further then you both have a chat with the teacher together and they can explain their reasoning.

BarbarianMum · 21/03/2018 11:52

Ajas at our primary 95% of parts go to girls because boys feel that acting "isn't for them". The last thing they need to do is put boys off from auditioning.

AjasLipstick · 21/03/2018 11:52

I am sure the school give male roles to girls due to the imbalance of decent parts in plays for girls versus the amount of great parts for boys.

EastMidsMummy · 21/03/2018 11:52

Try and explain to him that in professional theatre, the role of Hamlet is always played by a man, while the role of Portia would always be played by a woman.

Er, except loads of times when they're not...

Original poster
obligations · 21/03/2018 11:53

Morphene I don't think I am condoning bullying, he has friends and is generally accepted, just now and then he'll do something that makes the other laugh, even I laugh sometimes (think of the way people laugh at Mr Bean) and I'm pretty sympathetic to him. To help him operate in the world with confidence we are helping him learn how to handle different situations and he's doing ok - if every time someone laughed at him he has a meltdown he won't be able to function.

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 21/03/2018 11:53

Barbarian that's nothing to do with the issue. That's something your school has found. it's nothing to do with the bigger picture.

GaraMedouar · 21/03/2018 11:54

Oh - I just saw the fact that girls can play male roles. Well in that case the teacher does need to explain why he can’t audition!

Bluelady · 21/03/2018 11:54

In Shakespeare's time all female roles were played by boys. He needs to tell anyone who laughs at him that. I think he should go for it.

ZanyMobster · 21/03/2018 11:54

Hmm, in all honesty I think it depends what role it is. If it really doesn't matter if it is played by a male or female maybe it's fine. If it is specifically for a girl then I don't see what is sexist about that TBH.

Often the reason girls play male roles in school or amateur productions is because there are not the number of boys available/capable of playing the roles. If that isn't the case and boys were not considered for the roles then that is totally unfair.

my youngest has ASD and he is quite black and white with what he likes, he doesn't really see any further than 'I like that item/colour etc' but I do feel as a parent it is my job to explain, whilst I am more than happy for him to wear/play with etc anything he likes he has to be aware that some people are not that nice and times and may be unkind. That then gives him the opportunity to make a decision one way or another.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 21/03/2018 11:54

Oh come on, op. Why would you dripfeed the fact that girls are allowed to play male leads? I mean, it's not like it was relevant or anything Hmm

DairyisClosed · 21/03/2018 11:55

Oh my God, what is wrong with you people? Men have played women on stage longer than women have. There is no social norm that dictates that a man cannot play a female role of he can pull it off. His teacher must be incredibly ignorant.

AjasLipstick · 21/03/2018 11:55

The Guardian said

Male actors in theatre still outweigh the number of women. 38% of actors employed during 2011-12 were female with the Royal Court and Northern Stage performing the best with 48% each. The National Theatre had the lowest representation of female actors at 34% followed by Liverpool Everyman at 36%.

In this article

www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2012/dec/10/women-in-theatre-research-full-results

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