AIBU to try to talk my ds out of auditioning for a female role in school play?

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My ds (11) loves acting, and has an asd which partly means he can get very stuck on an idea and find it hard to move on to make his own life easier.
His school will be putting on a summer play and the lead role is a female one - he is adamant he wants to audition for that role, although some pretty big parts are more obviously male, he says it would be sexist if he wasn't allowed go for the female part and really wants to. I explained his classmates might laugh at him but he says they shouldn't.
The problem is that he gets upset if he feels ridiculed and I had a word with his teacher to advise her that he might get upset if he gets laughed at and she has asked me to try to talk him out of it as there are 'social norms' that he should understand.
So I'm dreading having to tackle it but for him to have an easier time I really think I should. BTW he has never said he feels female, he just wants this role. Anyone got any advice on how best to approach this?

Funny isn't it?

All these posters mentioning how girls who love drama outweigh the boys and so get male parts at school.

But get out into the working world and oh! It's all different! There aren't enough parts suddenly for the girls to have a decent crack.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar I'm sorry, didn't mean to dripfeed - he never said that as an argument and I've been locked into his reasoning for the last few days. The role would involve wearing a dress, when girls have played male roles it has involved maybe a beard or just a cap and trousers type of costume, so this is a very girly role so is more effeminate than the male roles have been markedly masculine if that makes sense.

It's nothing to DO with him appearing feminine OP! It's everything to do with him taking a girl's role when there aren't many good ones written especially for girls.

Unfortunately, it's not going to work.

Please OP, talk him out of it however you can. The problem with trying to reason how NT 11 year olds should respond isn't making a fair comparison with him. Emotionally, he's much, much younger than his chronological age, that's why he's not seeing the pitfalls with this decision. Perhaps if his teacher understood that she may be more kindly disposed towards him as well.

In an ideal world he should be allowed to audition for whatever he likes. In the real world, current time, in his school, if he does it, he'll be the laughing stock of the class in the short term and in the long term whenever they refer to kids who aren't comfortable being their own gender, it will all start again with jibes about him wanting to be a girl because he wanted to be a girl in the school play. Bullies love things like this and they know full well he'll be upset every time they mention it, so will do it all the more.

For his own sake, please don't let him audition.

Sorry but HIBU. As someone who did drama at school and does community theatre as an adult, there are SO many good and numerous roles for men. There are barely any for women.

Also, in school drama clubs, the girls usually outnumber the boys by quite a large number and it would be grossly unfair to give the main female role to a boy when the girls probably have to scrap over every tiny role.

There are plenty of good roles for men in theatre. Tell him to wait his turn,

How is wearing a dress any more feminine than having a beard is masculine?!

As a teacher, please don't let him do this, or arrange a separate audition with his teacher if his ASD dictates.
It's all very well posters on here agreeing with the concept of him going for it and being strong, but schools are not like this day to day and as Blank just said- it's not indicative of the real world (sad as that may be) and for his own sake, navigating school would be made harder.

Right but accusations of sexism aside, he will get laughed at, because kids can be cruel - and the teacher has all but told you he won't get the part, and you think this will result in a very public meltdown. Allowing him to audition wouldn't be fair on him.

I have very mixed feelings about this. I object to any idea that it is somehow humiliating for your ds to play a girl in a play, when it seems a regular occurrence for girls to play boys.

But I still think he should back off and let a girl have the chance to play an actual female role instead of bearding up to play a male role.

Tell him the teacher has asked you to talk him about of auditioning and so rightly or wrongly he is not going to get the part.

The issue for me here is not that he might get laughed at. It's that he'd be taking away a role from a young girl, who is likely to be at more of a disadvantage when it comes to parts and performing than he is.

The reason girls are often allowed to play male roles in school plays is because often, girls massively outnumber boys in school drama clubs. There simply aren't enough boys to play the male roles, so they have to make do with what they have.

What's the play?

I think the main issue is that the teacher is an ignorant, insensitive twat who is handling the whole thing badly.
It would have been so easy for the teacher to put out the message that everyone can audition for every role they want to audition for, and no one is to tease anyone else about the auditions, then let your DS audition, as he wants to.
At present, by telling the DC that girls can take male parts but boys cannot take female parts, she's likely to set up resentment in even NT kids because the way she is presenting it to them comes across as unfair.
If she let them all audition and just gave the part to the one who did it best in her opinion, then they would all have been content with her percieved fairness.

I'm thinking the issue here is more that your son would have a melt-down if people laughed at him or ridiculed here. And with the best will in the world; 11year olds aren't known for their open-mindedness so it's almost certain that he would be laughed at by his classmates.

The decision you have to make is whether on balance you want to see your ds experience what could be a massive meltdown or make a point to the school by fighting an ideological battle that he should be allowed to audition.

I'm sad for him that he's being precluded from even being considered for the role by the teacher, by the sound of it.

My sons' primary school puts on a musical every year - last year, the role of the queen was played by one of the Y6 boys (we go from kindy-y6 in primary) despite there being girls in the play as well. One of the girls played a "male" role as well (this happens more often). I don't really see the problem with it and I would have said the teacher should take more care that his classmates don't laugh at him, by prepping them that female roles were often played by males, especially before women were really accepted in acting.

Hope that this works out well for your DS

reaminmated exactly and in addition she is perpetuating the sexist opinion that while it is socially acceptable for girls to act in male ways or play male roles, its unacceptable for boys to act in female ways or play female roles.

The only reason people think that one of these is okay and the other isn't is that girls are considered lesser than boys. So its fine for girls to act up as boys but demeaning for boys to act down as girls.

Its pure sexism and misogyny.

Ask the teacher for a casting brief - this is usual in theatre. If the brief indicates female he can’t audition. Can you do a social story around casting briefs and how casting directors get cross if people ignore them.

my son's school often let the boys play girls parts and vice versa? What's the big deal? At drama school they get you to do it as well. A good actor should be able to do so easily.

If it is a role that is not ambiguous and should be played by a girl, for example Millie in thoroughly modern Millie. Then you could ask the teacher if she couldn't just tell the class that only girls will be allowed to audition for this particular part. It's not discrimination. It would still be disappointing for your son but might be easier.

so - thanks all. For me, the issue is that he might get laughed at and not be able to handle it and I'm not sure if I can help him be very resilient to that in the short time before the audition. On balance, and taking your advice into account, I think I'll persuade him not to audition. See below re. gender balance.

I meant that to a group of 11 year olds it is more effeminate for a boy to wear a dress and play a very girlish character of c.11/12 than it is masculine for a girl to wear a beard and pretend to be an old man - or rather, effeminate in a way that will be laughable to 11 year olds, that's just the way it is and neither the teacher nor I will be able to persuade 25 kids to think differently in the next week.

In terms of taking the role 'away' from a girl, in the last 4 years (2 plays a year) a girl has played the lead, whether it is a 'male' or 'female' role so that kind of gender balance hasn't been very central before. In the last play, the 3 or 4 main roles were played by girls. Tbh he's pretty conscious of sexism against girls.

Although I agree with the idea that gender shouldn't play a part in casting, it isn't appropriate for a sensitive 11 year old to be some kind of beacon for gender or women's rights. So although the teacher is at fault here, OP is quite right to persuade her son not to audition for the part on this occasion.

Is it really the dress he wants? I wouldn't give him the part out of kindness. I'm sorry but in the real world, people will laugh. Not saying they should, saying they will.

I think you've got a teacher problem! if the school routinely let's girls have male parts, then they should be open to doing the opposite, and the teacher should be going to lengths to explain this to the class, encourage your son, and police any poor behavior!

What's the play?!?!?!