Who is being unreasonable... dd vs dh

[xyla589]

Dd19 likes having very long hot showers - she'll often be in the shower for 30-45 minutes.

Dh gets very angry about this because of the cost of the water and because sometimes she uses up all the hot water and he can't do the washing up.

They had a massive argument when this happened yesterday. He says that she can't spend more than 5 minutes in the shower any more. She says she'll have her shower when no-one else is at home and she'll give us part of her student loan to pay for it. Dh says that she's 'missing the point'.

Who is being unreasonable?

DH is very unreasonable. DD loves shower and enjoys it, it probably helps her to relax. She agree to compromise and contribute to this.
Does he want to make a point that it's his house? It looks this for me.
Also she is not a child anymore and can choose what she'd like to do.
I'm sure there are lots of things DH like to do which are waste of money for other people.

A bath filled about a third of the way up (which takes the water level over your belly button when you lie down) requires around 75 litres. An ordinary electrically heated shower puts out four litres per minute. So a 19-minute shower is just more than a bath. If you have a power shower, flow rates could be doubled and you’d need just 10 minutes.

electric shower 40 mins = 2 baths
power shower 40 mins = 4 baths

Showering for 45 minutes would fill several baths. I read somewhere that it is only shorter showers which save on money. Anything longer than about 5 minutes is equivalent to a bath.

When we had 3 teens all doing a 40 minute shower, Dh used to turn the hot water off. That soon got them out!

What on earth does she do in there? Seven 45 minute showers a week would piss me off. Quite irrationally because I can't think of a good reason why!

^ah, the above 2 posts answer my question. Baths for the win!

Tell her she'll ruin her skin having a hot / warm shower for so long.
Compromise.

What a waste of water!!!! Tell her to grow up.

Your DH. If your daughter has offered to contribute financially to the cost then let her do so. She is an adult and as she said if she were living elsewhere she could have a shower for as long as she wants.
It is a bit odd of your DH to try and tell an adult how long they should spend in the shower.... I personally would not react well if my DH tried to give me a time limit for being in the bath or shower and so I would never do that to anyone.
As for the washing up water etc they should just organise themselves so they are not trying to do those things at the same time which should be pretty easy.

And I would not personally take 30 mins in the shower but neither would I take 5! I dont time myself or anyone else for that matter because that is honestly pretty bloody weird and invasive.
Some people enjoy long baths why cant some people enjoy long showers if they are willing to pay for it?

I think if she has turned down her firsts choice Uni - and a very good Uni at that - then she has made a huge compromise in your favour. Maybe 45 mins is too long but 5 mins is ridiculous. Why isn't your DH prepared to compromise when she has made a huge compromise to save you money ?

Had similar argument with 16 year old yesterday, he doesn’t open the window and is in there 20 minutes plus doing god knows what

Erm....he’s a 16yr old boy. Just make sure he washes the shower afterwards. 😆

That is a ridiculous amount of time to spend in a shower. Why anyone would need more than even 10 minutes in a shower is a mystery. it's not usual and quite selfish IMHO. She should be told 10 minutes is quite enough.

wow well she turned down an incredible opportunity by not going to imperial. and she's offering a reasonable compromise. otoh i don't see your dh compromising at all....

I’m sorry but 45 minutes in the shower is ridiculous! We all manage 3-4 minute showers with no problems. In fact DH is quicker. DD and I wash hair, apply conditioner, wash body, rinse hair and out. 45 minutes of showering uses more water than a bath would!

When DD was in uni halls her shower room had a timer thing and a sign asking them to keep to five minutes or under.

Does she share a bedroom? I shared a bedroom and my 'showers' were the only peace I got in my huge family.

I think they’re both being a bit unreasonable, your DD more so. 30-45 minutes is too long, but 5 minutes isn’t long enough. Perhaps 10-15 minutes is more reasonable.

If you shower over a bath, and put the plug in you'll see just how quickly the bath fills. If it is a power shower even a fairly quick shower will use much more water than a bath.
If you have 5 kids and they all take 45 min showers...

Could you buy one of the ultra- water saving shower heads? It mixes the water with air (I think! Not an expert) so uses a lot less water per minute. Then you could leave her to it.

She turned down Imperial to save you money and he's begrudging her enjoying a long shower?? I thought a compromise was reasonable until you said that!

As long as she's not blocking other people from using the bathroom e.g. first thing in the morning I think a luxury like that is a fair return on her sacrificing a uni like that, especially if she's willing to pay for it.

Tell him to spend the money you've all saved on a combi boiler so you never run out of hot water.

Crazy to turn down Imperial! The money-earning potential of a degree from there far outweighs any short-term savings of staying closer to home - she should have taken the full loan. The hot water's a very minor issue in comparison.

Your DD is incredibly unreasonable taking showers that long.
What a waste of water.
Set a timer, or disptach her to live somewhere using tank water.
If she was a guest at my house which is depedant on tank water, she would have me pounding on the door after 5 minutes, any longer and I'd be in there turing the taps off.

Jesus. DH all the way.

I think your daughter is being ridiculously wasteful. Showers in general don't save any water. They used to thirty years ago when they were usually just dribbles of water. Nowadays they're high pressure systems or power showers - I've been brought up on well water and lectured about saving water, so I have fairly quick showers, yet I still fill up half the bath if i leave the plug in. (I have long hair, so to wash and condition hair takes a little while even when being quick).

Just because she's stayed at home and saved money doesn't mean she's entitled to waste resources and not take responsibility for how she lives. Your husband has only said five minutes because he's fed up.

I think your dd is being the most unreasonable. Even 30 minutes for a shower is way longer than most people take and a complete waste of water and resources.

However, 5 minutes is just as extreme if you enjoy a leisurely shower.
I'd say 15 minutes max is within reason for both parties. Otherwise they are both equally unreasonable.

On holiday my DS15 spent a lot of time in the shower (though surely not 45 mins!) but I think he was sorting himself out if you know what I mean....

Both. Dd has been selfish and dh I reasomanlr-it's almost impossible for me to shower under five minutes because water pressure is low and hair thick.

Of courser she shouldn't be wasting money and water on showers like that. Are you made of money? Tell her to stop being so selfish.