Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being unreasonable... dd vs dh

291 replies

xyla589 · 20/03/2018 19:34

Dd19 likes having very long hot showers - she'll often be in the shower for 30-45 minutes.

Dh gets very angry about this because of the cost of the water and because sometimes she uses up all the hot water and he can't do the washing up.

They had a massive argument when this happened yesterday. He says that she can't spend more than 5 minutes in the shower any more. She says she'll have her shower when no-one else is at home and she'll give us part of her student loan to pay for it. Dh says that she's 'missing the point'.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
deboraci · 17/05/2018 23:37

I think you're being hugely unfair to your daughter.

IleDeRe · 18/05/2018 09:49

45 minute showers are ridiculous and terrible for the planet.

Chromatographer · 18/05/2018 15:47

Dd is being unreasonable

CalF123 · 18/05/2018 15:57

I'd be telling your DH to fuck off and stop creepily timing his DD in the shower. Yes, 45 minutes is a long time but after everything she's done for you, it's the least she deserves. And as for even entertaining the option of her paying you to shower in her own house- not a chance that would be happening in my home.

I also refuse to believe a family in the top income bracket cannot pay for their DD to go to uni. Also, I'm going to say it- why have 5 DC if you knew you couldn't afford to support them? I'd do everything in my power to enable my DC to get the best possible education their ability would allow, right down to taking on extra jobs.

pigeondujour · 18/05/2018 20:56

Water is a precious resource. Your DD is being selfish and will one day understand why your DH was annoyed.

If she can still count to five when 'one day' comes she'll know he was annoyed because he was a selfish twat and had more kids than he could afford with his 'precious resources'. Just like OP.

pigeondujour · 18/05/2018 20:57

45 minute showers are ridiculous and terrible for the planet.

Take it you missed the five kids bit too.

FASH84 · 18/05/2018 21:24

How are people saying they can shower in 3-4 minutes?? I have long thick curly hair, I can do ten to 15, if I'm shaving, exfoliating etc give me 25+, we do have terrible water pressure though and no power shower, so getting conditioner out of my hair is a bit of a task. She's made a massive sacrifice not going to imperial, think about how much that would've cost. Maybe compromise twenty minutes and a longer one or a bath once a week.

deadringer · 18/05/2018 22:07

Gosh op I bet you are sorry you mentioned imperial! 45 minute showers are ridiculous, yanbu.

Aylarose · 18/05/2018 22:18

Your DH is being unreasonable to reject your DD's offer to take showers when everyone is away and to contribute to the bills. This is especially relevant given that she has changed her university plans to suit the family rather than her own interests (very mature behaviour for 19).

You could also suggest that if she takes a shower when DH is in the house that she limits it to 20 minutes. Alternatively she could take a long bath.

CalF123 · 18/05/2018 22:44

Why should she have to restrict her shower times just to stop the bully DH from kicking off if he's in the house? If a woman was having to time her showers and cut them short to avoid her DP getting annoyed, she'd be told to LTB.

Chartreuse45 · 19/05/2018 10:13

"She's at home anyway" what on earth? I am at home, happen to be about to use a chainsaw so it is lying in the kitchen while I surf the net and have a cup of coffee before I start. Would that dovetail with supervising in the most loose sense even a responsible 10 year old. No! If you are the only adult at home you are in a totally different situation. It is the same situation as a pp who's parents felt she could study and look after a three year old. Your eldest is adding more to your life than you to hers. Can't you hear what you are saying?
On the other hand she should not take such long showers for reasons given numerous times above but it is only way she can relax I can't blame her morally. You need to find a way to release the tension she is under. She must feel like she gives and gives and in return is treated like the lowest priority in the house.

Chromatographer · 20/05/2018 10:33

It doesn't matter about all the drip fees stuff, 45 minutes is such a waste. If she's going to use that much water, she should just have a bath.

deadringer · 20/05/2018 11:02

Op doesn't have a bath.

DragonMummy1418 · 20/05/2018 11:35

Not read the thread...
30 minutes is ok, 45 minutes is excessive.

She's offered to pay AND to shower when everyone else is out, what's the big issue? invest in a combi boiler

My hair is almost long enough to sit on, it takes me 30 minutes to wash myself, wash my hair, condition it and shave.
I shower cos I hate baths, not to save water.

balsamicbarbara · 20/05/2018 12:02

I actually think OP is to be commended for bringing up such a selfless DD who sounds exactly like the sort of person the NHS needs.

StripeyDeckchair · 20/05/2018 12:35

45 min shower is over the top
And selfish, it sounds like you have an old fashioned system with a hot water tank not a combo boiler. If she uses all the hot water then no one else can shower, wash, do the washing up or whatever.
Offering to pay for her showers doesn't address the fact that the rest of the household has to cope without hot water until the tank has refilled and heated up.

Environmentally it's over use of resources.
You don't mention how many bathrooms you have, I hope it's more than one as to occupy the sole bathroom in a 7 person household is selfish too (hope I've got the numbers right there)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page